-i'm.SO.miss-understood. -shikayeproductions.

Sigh....
navigations are the words.
This is my own space to let it out. especially when theres no one to talk to that true understands or try to understand me.

Saturday, October 21, 2006

Life Is Cruel...__

today went sch fro sparring training...
at 11.. met up wif mark...
started training...
its definatly feels good o train in a sat afternoon....
okie but sway... first exercise nia...
i miss the block to his kick....
and kenna my fingers....now damn numb....
feels like my mind didn't coordinate well today....
hahaz well its an effect thats been happening i guess...
its like i'm feeling more and more tired every single day....
worst i cant seem to slp early at nite....
then morning take train stand he whole way...
my legs feels like falling
anyway enuff bout that.... shall tok bout that later...
okie finish training we wnt swimming... oh and we saw mark lim and dawn today
they come sch study...
hahaz
okie swim and tok cock...
then after that went market eat..
come back saw beesim...
then i went to meet fren liao then head home...
thats all bout today i guess...
enjoyed the training....

okie anyway...now besides the navy thing...
other things are beginning to trouble me liao...
one of the main issue... would be my studies....
i'm not a born genius nor am i that talented...
but this sem i die die wanna get more than 3.5 GPA....
thats the goal i set for this sem...
but now i'm still trying figure how to work on my studies...
i go to class mind half dead....eye almost wanna shut
but endured on and pay attention in class....
after class... usually i would stay in sch to study wif frens...
but now i hardly can do so... juz wed and fri onli....
mon,tues,thurs i got training... and be4 that i hardly can study much....
okie maybe i'm slow... but i cant seem to do much during that time....
everyday i would leave for home arnd 8-9 for non training days....and reach bout 9-10pm
training days i would reach home bout 11-12pm...
i'm juz so tired now....
wif many things on my mind....
some of which i put aside...
wish time can juz stop for me to rest or for my to finish wad i need to do....
i love trainings.... i wont miss it even for the world...
i'm juz exhasted... or well going to be....
and this is actuclly affecting my performance in wad i'm doing...
others see me as being strong...but i myself... feels and noe that i'm weakening....
haiz... nvm.. Wad Doesn't Kill Me...Makes Me Stronger..!!!
i'll put wad ever energy i haf left in me in wad ever i do....

... okie enuf bout that....
haiz theres juz so many issue going on....
LIFE SO FUKING UNFAIR!!!!
was toking to my mum over some finacial issue....
its like wtf....did my family offend any god or wad..?
its like according to people....and according to my calculation...
owning a stall and selling food is damn profitable...
but god damn misfortune events juz keep happening...
always forcing us back to step 1....
its juz so fuking unfair...
why do people....do nothing and from young they enjoy laxurious life?
its not even my turn to fight my empire under the sky...
and i'm already stuck in societies misfortune....
everyweek i get my allowance from my dad... i feel so fuking useless...
he does so much for the family...
sacriface so many things in life... juz to keep us going...
and all i can do is always getting money out of him ...
its gets worst wen things start running out...
and wen we need buy this and that....
he always tells me....if its sumtin i wan...and if its about education...
i can always get from him...
but then... personally i feel damn bad loh... even if its no chioce...
sumtimes it really pisses me off when i see people whos so lucky and they complain so much...
or even dun treasure wad ever they haf....
its like WTF...
i guess lifes like that....
personally i rather endure lifes hardship than rely on others to pity me....
sincrely speaking....my life feels okie from the outside...
my entire family....can juz act as if nothing is wrong...
but then i noe and i can see...
things aint wad they seem....
i'm not trying to being materialistic...
its juz i feel that my parents deserve more than juz hardships of life....
argh... FUK IT.... all this are juz issues that i dunno how to express in words ...
juz live by the day... smile by the moments....and act as if life is boat sailing smoothly thru time...
theres others out there far worst than me... so i shldn't even be complaining...

when i was small i use to think i haf the world in my grasp...
and i ahf the ability to do anything i wan....
i dreamed of doing things that now seems impossible....
i set goals in life
goals like by 28 i wanna settle down wif a family that is finicially strong and stable...
success in wadever busniess i do...
and own a lambogini...
...childhood dreams...

sumtimes during the down moments in life...
i always ask myself why am i here? wads my purpose and reason?
it gets so dark i really wonder is life worth living?
the only thing that push me on so far is the people arnd me...
i live for them....
and wel even if lifes not worth living... its not worth ending by sucidal either...
herefore i'm not and i nv will be sucidal...
coz if i do life will be even darker than be4 for those arnd me...

even though theres many down moments...
theres always the hapy ones..
which i always remember...
and always think of them....

haiz dun wan write liao...
seriously i dunno wtf i'm writing....
juz typing wadever in my head....
and wadever my mind thinks at the moment...
sry for those who juz read... i noe this post is a waste of time...
theres juz so many things in my mind tat i dunno how to let them out of say...
and even i myself dun understand myself...
am i being self centred in my tots?
or am i juz being emo?
wtf....hahaz i think i'll juz slp and hope time would stop for the moment...
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7:52 AM