-i'm.SO.miss-understood. -shikayeproductions.
Sigh....
navigations are the words.
This is my own space to let it out. especially when theres no one to talk to that true understands or try to understand me.
+ Cheng Wee Chuan William
+ Yu Neng Primary School
+ Bedok South Secondary School
+ Ngee Ann Polytechnic
+ Republic of Singapore Navy
+ zazooosg@hotmail.com
+ 08/10/1989
+ Libra
Thursday, March 15, 2007
_____Fuking stress over my head now...._________
haiz.... this is like the onli place i can rant about things and say some true feelings coz no one reads my blog... i'm juz so darn tired and fuk up of things......
be4 i begin juz wanna say wadever i say here stays here and dies here,....
if i offended anyone in the process of writing....
juz forget wadever u read....
its a damn holiday and i dun feel like being in one....
well first... its a good thing to be selected to go for the sch china trip...
but wtf theres like so many darn thinsg to do... pre trip, post trip....
i see my group like CMI cant do shit one....
well least one of them can do things =P
the others i got nothing to say about them....
one day i'm really gonna get so pissed off the world gonna hate me.
juz a reminder for myself....
remember to do report regarding the trip to tiger brewery and they say wan by 19th of march... and i hope its really they wan it.,....
next prepare ice breaker games for the trip....(well thankfully this is settled by my dear best pal in class =P)
next research regarding some china brand de beer.....
and most recent one(which i juz found out) get ready a report/reasearch on the upcoming visit to philip and compare wif the creative one in china...
lastly 19th or march meeting and handin in of passport....
thankgoodness i settled my navy side de notification liao....
one fuking trip and theres so many darn things....
i really wonder wtf is my team doing... god damn it i'm suppose to be the medic in the trip....
and it seem like i'm the one stressing and thinking keeping in mind bout all this....
well one of them i think (hopefully i'm rite) is also same as me bah... i hope....
well beside the trip things... theres also my CCA...
god!!! its a good thing to got into the com as president...
but damn wheres everyone?
especially when this is the time wif the most things to do....
no one to guide me?
flooded by tons of email bout this and that and i noe shit bout all those...
all i noe is i'm keeping track of the time and things to be done and constantly ranting them to the com which currently exist as a name onli....
well cant blame them....
its juz sway....
looks like its gonna be solo act.....
noe i noe how a connector in any circuit board feels when everything shit is pass thru them...
if thru out the year is like this... i'll seriously collapse....
i'm trying my best to strive excellence in everything i do....
and that is already killing me....
again for reminder...
21st is the fuking MOB briefing which i noe shit about and my dear treasuerer cant make it....
next is 23rd is cca fiesta briefing... i really hope derrick or sumbody can sub me this one...
coz it clash wif my china trip de pre trip programme....
also need to write a whole list of things to the new advisor for my cca....
wad really pisses me off is.... the lack of manpower.... but it cant be blame either.....
but it really sux to feel that everyone arnd u well i would say most....is like not intrested in wadever things happening.....
seriously.... fuk lah i'nm juz beyond words now....
if i can use word to describe how i feel... i definately would offend some people....for sure be it on purposee or accidently.....
rite now i feel like the work horse of things here and the pressure builds on coz if anythin screws up i'm be the first to be fry and if this club falls in my hand.... i will definately live my life wif regrets (more regrets than wad i'm already regreting now)
i juz wanna do the best i can do to make wadever i do the best....
but the odds seem to be against me....
seriously i'm begining to feel (well i feel more than be4) that i'm incapable of doing wad i'm doing now....
i lack the ability, the skill... the expirence....
i always juz wan a simple life.....
but i always get myself in leadership position.....
maybe its juz my mentality of doing the best in wadever i'm doing...
but still i think i'm incapable of doing such role....
thank goodness now is holiday.....
if not i would haf juz breakdown and again drink myself aslp or do some stupid shit....
my life is already in a mess now its messier....
my life is already tinted and now i feel worst....
is it me or am i feeling god damn down recently that i cant even get myself to slp or eat?
i'm always juz sitting and staring and feeling pointless....
wanna find people to say out wadever inside me but to me such people still dun seem to exist....
its natural tobe unable to find such.... coz people haf their own mindset and thinking.....
so far writing and ranting into a book or a blog seem to help abit....
although words still canty express wad i feel....
i dunno why am i like that.....
its not the work load thats cozing this maybe its juz adding on....
but i juz dunno right now i'm juz writing wadever i feel inside,...
got back my result,.... got not bad result...
but looking and the nukbers of b i haf... i kinda feel disappointed but at the same time i'm happy to haf improve.....
i wanna do better.......
time has come to go CNB to submit result... lets hope godmother is happy wif it....=P
AARRGFFGGGGGGGHHHHHHHH!H!!!!!!! next week is so darn fuking packed....
why the hell did i chose a sch so darn far....
argh wtf.....sdgo;j
i juz wanna lock myself in my room staring into air..... slpless and starve days after days after days.....
juz dun feel like doing anything
sumtime i feel so darn lonely... even though i haf greats frens and families.....
its like i'm missing a part of me.....
i haf everything i can ever ask for....
but i still feel i'm mssing sumtin... a part of me....
i'm suppose to be the happies teen arnd but i dun......
fuk lah i'm ranting senselessly now....
pointless....
and i supposed to haf a great time juz now wif me frens and had loads of great time be4
still i'm like that.....
is there someone out there who truely noes wad i'm going thru wad i'm feeling?
even i myself dun noe.....
FUK LAH IF NO BODY IS GONNA ASSIST ME IN WADEVER I DO>>> SO BE IT I JUZ DO WAD I CAN AND IF I FAIL TO DO IT>>> SO BE IT EVEN IF I"M BLAMED I DUN GIVE A SHIT>>>>>I"M GONNA TEST MY LIMIT AND ONCE IT GET PASS IT I"LL JUZ ROP EVERY THING IN LIFE<>>>>
fuk lah damn dulan now wadever i type is like hate maill;,....
i'm logging off and going to slp.....
and hope the day past and i'll get better
fuking off
william
4:54 PM
Friday, March 02, 2007
_____Target and wishlist by end of poly!________
first off... would be to further improve my already improved PC....
although my PC is already future proof... its still not at it optimise performance....
heres some items i aim to get...to build a SLI powerhouse!!!
first would be to improve my CPU from intel C2D 6400(2.13GHz) to a intel quad core extreme(haiz that would cost me like another +- 1k)
next would be to of coz get another graphic card.... since i already haf an sli ready Graphics card... i would of coz go for another same card, Leadtek PX8800GTX (sadly also would cost me another 700 maybe in 2 yrs time?)
followed by replacing my currently 2GB ddr2 667MHz to a 2 GB DDR2 SLI ready 800Mhz(currently not seen in SG but of coz it would be here sooner or later)(hmmm price i would say about 300-400 bahx)
next would be to replace my 700watt PSU to a SLI ready(means they haf direct socket to the graphics card) 800 - 850watt PSU(haiz... that would cost another 6-700maybe? haben go reseach on it)
now lastly i would wanna get a more powerful CPU cooler maybe a blower type cpu cooler from CM or antec... wont wan anything to fy would i ? =P
and make 2 side panel holes for 2 maybe 8cm -12cm fan (wif the led lights telling me the PC tempreture=P)
also to save money on this well 2 years project =P i would redesign my chassis side panal.... cut/drill another 12cm fan hold and put a 1k-2.4k RPM fan (wif nice nice lights) or replace my current 1.2kRPM front fan to the side making it blowing out and replace the front wif a high RPM suck in fan =P that would solve the whole air flow problem.... wif the front sucking in a large amount of cold air(from my cool tempt room) thru the lower part of the interior or the PC coolong th dual cards part of the warming up air would get suck out by the side fan and the rest warmed air rise and thru the CPU cooler and out of the rear blow out fan....
preferble drill 2 side holes for fan, one top, one bottom.... top suck in, flow thru the cpu cooler and out of the rear... and bottom... already explained juz now...
tell ya the truth i'm half way there but still a long way from finish.... PC enthuist will nv catch up and make the peak... unless ur bill gate =)
its sort of like my hobby now......
juz like cars... except i dun haf cars.... and sg control cars too strict....
if i haf a car seriously i haf alot of things in mind wad to do wif it... first would be superb sound systems(juz like my current PC sound systems.... although its juz 2.1 wif a subwoofer... but ya will find it sumwat stronger than some 7.1 arnd.....imagine 200watt (if i'm not wrong maybe more) subwoofer hitting powerful bass =P, 2 speaker that has different treble and bass speakers wad more can u ask for? coutersy of altec lansing =P i love their speakers....(used to put 4 tower speakers wif my PC(but removed due to...i cant blast it coz as long as i turn on more than 20% volume... my bed start shaking and my sis start complaining and well juz can unless i sound proof my room....)
okok i'm juz mad bout such technologies....
i'm juz now satisfied wif wad my current spec is producing... i wan optimise it... i wan more!!!!!
juz like how i live my life... PERFECTION IS WAD I ASK FOR!
haiz... i'm mad....
well once i'm getting use to my all powerful PC its time i learn to overclock it =P
see wad limits this pocket and wallet burning powerhouse has =P
hey next post i shall post a pic of my PC (now cannot coz i haben add the neeon my frens gave me =P i wonder does red go well wif black chassis and blued lights?)
okok till next time please to all u technology GOD out there if theres any advice and tips or even lesson ya can teach me... leave a tagg ya =) would love to find out wad more i can do....
anyway to further my wish list i really really really wanna haf sumone special to share my tots... my feelings.. u noe wad i mean....
also i haf to save money and work hard...
workhard for my result...
work hard for my military career in future =)
okok better end now gonna go prepare going out to meet people liao
ya all take care =)
william
2:51 PM
Thursday, March 01, 2007
__________comeback after a long time....______________
hey peep =D
long time no see, hear, or even type hahaz...
kinda stall awhile since my last post which is 1 week be4 my exam....
well now its actuclly almost 2 weeks after my exams liao =P
okok i shall fill u all in since exam week...
let me think....
okie well exams week nothing much... juz exam loh....
but hey hahaz in between my exams the week end hahaz
i stayed out all night wif some of me frens partying....
well juz for fun hahaz....
anyway that was also the first time i went into zouk hahaz
it was one of the most fun thing i ever had....
well okok moving on theres was also bens gf concert but actuclly it was on the first day of my exam...
be4 the zouk thing,.....
well didn't get to see bens gf hahaz..
but oh well we had fun hahaz
then also this month went eski bar alot of times hahaz
well recently got my self really drunk....
seriously thinking back i was really reckless.....
how could i haf been like that?
i mean yes i noe i can drink and i can take heavy drinks no problem...
but how can i juz keep gulping down....
tell ya the truth that time in my mind was juz thinking bout sumtin....
oh well... wads done is done...
all i can do now is remember that day and not do it again...
well when i was well "aslp" liao i think i fell and hit a stationary car and fell to the road...
woke up next day afternoon in a hotel in somewher i dunno where hahaz
but okie lah... lynn bought clothes, underwears, slippers basically everything needed hahaz...
then after that i went simlim to get my com liao...
now be4 i move on... heres a list of wad i drank... and dun ask me how much i spent... coz i dunno nd i dun wanna noe...
1 terquila shot
2 flaming lambogini
1 boston beach party
1 graveyeard
1 frustration
all i noe is those are the heavier ones on the cocktail menu hahaz
okok anyway i juz make my com....
heres a spec....
coolermaster 534+ casing
ASUS striker extreme motherboard
wif intel C2D 6400 (2.13GHz)
1gb ram 667MHz(will be getting another soon)
Leadtek PX8800GTX 768mb graphic card..(also might get another but not soon hahaz make SLI)
LG DVD rom
and a Samsung 19" LCD...
all this is like a dream come true....
well almost...
it would be complete if i had intel quad core extreme,
8GB of ram 800MHz
1 more 8800GTX(sli)
errr maybe a physic card and a stronger soundcard haha
=P oh well....
these things juz cant get like that de... first they are expensive...
and 2 they improve freakingg fast....
so it like a hobby...
i slowly upgrade my com... anyway my com now is future proof least for next 10 years
i mean like my graphic card is the onli direct 10 camable in the market (but need vista)
quad core ready mobo
can support the newer ram...
and stuff like that....
anyway i think gonna end here going SLS wif beechin ...
11:03 PM