-i'm.SO.miss-understood. -shikayeproductions.

Sigh....
navigations are the words.
This is my own space to let it out. especially when theres no one to talk to that true understands or try to understand me.

Thursday, March 15, 2007

_Fuking stress over my head now...._____

haiz.... this is like the onli place i can rant about things and say some true feelings coz no one reads my blog... i'm juz so darn tired and fuk up of things......

be4 i begin juz wanna say wadever i say here stays here and dies here,....
if i offended anyone in the process of writing....
juz forget wadever u read....

its a damn holiday and i dun feel like being in one....
well first... its a good thing to be selected to go for the sch china trip...
but wtf theres like so many darn thinsg to do... pre trip, post trip....
i see my group like CMI cant do shit one....
well least one of them can do things =P
the others i got nothing to say about them....
one day i'm really gonna get so pissed off the world gonna hate me.

juz a reminder for myself....
remember to do report regarding the trip to tiger brewery and they say wan by 19th of march... and i hope its really they wan it.,....

next prepare ice breaker games for the trip....(well thankfully this is settled by my dear best pal in class =P)

next research regarding some china brand de beer.....

and most recent one(which i juz found out) get ready a report/reasearch on the upcoming visit to philip and compare wif the creative one in china...

lastly 19th or march meeting and handin in of passport....
thankgoodness i settled my navy side de notification liao....

one fuking trip and theres so many darn things....
i really wonder wtf is my team doing... god damn it i'm suppose to be the medic in the trip....
and it seem like i'm the one stressing and thinking keeping in mind bout all this....
well one of them i think (hopefully i'm rite) is also same as me bah... i hope....

well beside the trip things... theres also my CCA...
god!!! its a good thing to got into the com as president...
but damn wheres everyone?
especially when this is the time wif the most things to do....
no one to guide me?
flooded by tons of email bout this and that and i noe shit bout all those...
all i noe is i'm keeping track of the time and things to be done and constantly ranting them to the com which currently exist as a name onli....
well cant blame them....
its juz sway....
looks like its gonna be solo act.....
noe i noe how a connector in any circuit board feels when everything shit is pass thru them...
if thru out the year is like this... i'll seriously collapse....
i'm trying my best to strive excellence in everything i do....
and that is already killing me....
again for reminder...
21st is the fuking MOB briefing which i noe shit about and my dear treasuerer cant make it....
next is 23rd is cca fiesta briefing... i really hope derrick or sumbody can sub me this one...
coz it clash wif my china trip de pre trip programme....
also need to write a whole list of things to the new advisor for my cca....

wad really pisses me off is.... the lack of manpower.... but it cant be blame either.....
but it really sux to feel that everyone arnd u well i would say most....is like not intrested in wadever things happening.....
seriously.... fuk lah i'nm juz beyond words now....
if i can use word to describe how i feel... i definately would offend some people....for sure be it on purposee or accidently.....
rite now i feel like the work horse of things here and the pressure builds on coz if anythin screws up i'm be the first to be fry and if this club falls in my hand.... i will definately live my life wif regrets (more regrets than wad i'm already regreting now)
i juz wanna do the best i can do to make wadever i do the best....
but the odds seem to be against me....

seriously i'm begining to feel (well i feel more than be4) that i'm incapable of doing wad i'm doing now....
i lack the ability, the skill... the expirence....
i always juz wan a simple life.....
but i always get myself in leadership position.....
maybe its juz my mentality of doing the best in wadever i'm doing...
but still i think i'm incapable of doing such role....

thank goodness now is holiday.....
if not i would haf juz breakdown and again drink myself aslp or do some stupid shit....
my life is already in a mess now its messier....
my life is already tinted and now i feel worst....
is it me or am i feeling god damn down recently that i cant even get myself to slp or eat?
i'm always juz sitting and staring and feeling pointless....
wanna find people to say out wadever inside me but to me such people still dun seem to exist....
its natural tobe unable to find such.... coz people haf their own mindset and thinking.....
so far writing and ranting into a book or a blog seem to help abit....
although words still canty express wad i feel....

i dunno why am i like that.....
its not the work load thats cozing this maybe its juz adding on....
but i juz dunno right now i'm juz writing wadever i feel inside,...

got back my result,.... got not bad result...
but looking and the nukbers of b i haf... i kinda feel disappointed but at the same time i'm happy to haf improve.....
i wanna do better.......

time has come to go CNB to submit result... lets hope godmother is happy wif it....=P

AARRGFFGGGGGGGHHHHHHHH!H!!!!!!! next week is so darn fuking packed....
why the hell did i chose a sch so darn far....
argh wtf.....sdgo;j
i juz wanna lock myself in my room staring into air..... slpless and starve days after days after days.....
juz dun feel like doing anything
sumtime i feel so darn lonely... even though i haf greats frens and families.....
its like i'm missing a part of me.....
i haf everything i can ever ask for....
but i still feel i'm mssing sumtin... a part of me....
i'm suppose to be the happies teen arnd but i dun......

fuk lah i'm ranting senselessly now....
pointless....
and i supposed to haf a great time juz now wif me frens and had loads of great time be4
still i'm like that.....
is there someone out there who truely noes wad i'm going thru wad i'm feeling?
even i myself dun noe.....

FUK LAH IF NO BODY IS GONNA ASSIST ME IN WADEVER I DO>>> SO BE IT I JUZ DO WAD I CAN AND IF I FAIL TO DO IT>>> SO BE IT EVEN IF I"M BLAMED I DUN GIVE A SHIT>>>>>I"M GONNA TEST MY LIMIT AND ONCE IT GET PASS IT I"LL JUZ ROP EVERY THING IN LIFE<>>>>

fuk lah damn dulan now wadever i type is like hate maill;,....
i'm logging off and going to slp.....
and hope the day past and i'll get better

fuking off
william

4:54 PM