-i'm.SO.miss-understood. -shikayeproductions.
Sigh....
navigations are the words.
This is my own space to let it out. especially when theres no one to talk to that true understands or try to understand me.
+ Cheng Wee Chuan William
+ Yu Neng Primary School
+ Bedok South Secondary School
+ Ngee Ann Polytechnic
+ Republic of Singapore Navy
+ zazooosg@hotmail.com
+ 08/10/1989
+ Libra
Sunday, October 28, 2007
lol hmmm its become a habit to blog way into the nite... its 3.07am now LOL
and theres sch tml at 9=P
hmmm read my previous few post and omg its all whinning bout things...
hmmm ohwell this is the place where i throw everything out =P
anyway things been okie at least for this few days..
ytd went zouk for lair of the damned event..
dressed in my scarecrow costume.
it was a success =P
at first i tot i look like a retard,
but then went in there see everyone dress in their special costume..
ya juz feel like part of the crowd.
best of all i was the only scarecrow around.
sadly didn't got nominated for award =p
still went in everyone was to happening =D
less then like 2 min when i enter, ya haf people walking pass you smiling, "getting scared"
telling ya " nice costume haha!!"
best of all people juz point at u and say" you!! come take picture wif me!"
lol it juz feel like ur part of the crowd.
like all of a sudden ur one of the popular people around.
thru out the nite, its trance music, costume, drinking and partying...
ya haf people dressing up at hot she-devils, sinful nurses and schoolgirl, guys dressing up as gals,
vampires, slot machine, grim reaper, PIRATES(one of the most popular around liao) lost count of the number of "jack sparrow".
i think i took a dozen of photos wif people there...
sadly i didn't bring camera..!!! sad..
well at least ck got bring and i was in some of the pic
afew memorable moments was, took a pic wif this 2 gals then started dancing togather and they stick their hands into my front pocket took out my hp..
at that moment i tot i was getting robbed LOL
but they were juz playing around..
others include walking pass people stare at them scare them...
then they go like "dun looka t me so scary!" lol
then the most funny moment i guess was...
at one point in the dancefloor...
this couple were dancing infront of me and the guy was telling the gal sumtin and pointing to me..
the gal turn around give the "OMG" kinda face... laugh abit... then she look closer then i suddenly blink my eye and she went like "OMG!!"
well the only thing my mask didn;t cover was my eyes... =P
oh there was also this african american guy(or wad most people say black) erm not being racst hor...juz at the moment dunno wad is the apropriate name to call.
his like damn high dancing and all..
he said i haf a very awesome outfit.
everyone was like partying like mad...no one cared who u are underneath the costume.
happy halloween to all of ya!!!
okok enuff bout all the things..
sadly ck wif his costume he didn;t get free entry...
i guess they dun consider grim reaper wif nike shoes and jeans a costume?
well ck i think took more pics wif even more people!
=P
partied from like 11(long queue wait since 10.30) to like 5 in the morning...
definately going again next year!!!!
and to all the party animals out there...
all of ya muz come too alrite!!!
hahaz okie now that its over time to get back to reality...
aarrrggghhhhh....
IPD havent do much!!!
die die... tml muz chiong alot liao...
haiz sian hopefully my team revised everything they learned.
also my back still hurting...
i think got improvement...
not sure..
cant really tell the different but it still feels weird..
gonna hold all stranuious exercise for now...
least till i've checked wif the specialist and he give me the go ahead...
better save than sorry.
this is also the reason why i think i haf to hand my position earlier...
i doubt i'll be training anytime soon..
wif my back and sch work crashing down..
its gonna be a challenge now...
time to fire up and get ready to charge LOL
all the best then..
hmmm lets see wads up tml..
meet wif senior to discuss club matter...also to push for my idea to be accept..
photoshoot and interview wif this nicolette person wif dawn,..
IPD and think bout I&E...
this sems gonna be another hectic one..
oh and also to all those having exams all the best...
to those feeling lost, remember ur frens are always around to guide u support u..
and also theres always a reason/answer to every problem and queastion...
be strong alrite.. things will be fine after all de =) that i'm sure.
hmmm i guess thats sums it all...
hmmm not bad very little ranting this time lol
but still long winded as always =P
logging off william
take care
12:05 PM
Wednesday, October 24, 2007
its wed 12.43am...
feeling abit broken down, apart...
haiz sianz lah... juz feel sianz...
well if ur reading this and feeling why i nv call ya or sms to share wif ya the problem...
well kinda feel bad disturb people slp and all...
will tell ya when see ya online or wad de...
well my club is well dieing even be4 i took over...
i tot i could change things i took over tried, and tried...
okie maybe to ya all ya think i juz slack and slack...
but i did think bout things settle things and all...
wad ya expect me to do when i noe nothing and i take over everything?
now that things are so bad...
people leaving and all..
com disappear...
i tot of juz leaving everything and begone...
but after hearing some people tok bout things and give it some tots..
i felt i couldn;t juz let the club die like that or let my juniors down...
even though i feel i failed as a president...
i think i;m unfit for it...
and i in it becoz there no one else...
tried to come out some solutions and plans to sort things out...
discuss wif my senior..really senior de senior, dunno from which batch de.
well i tot he'd agree wif me...
but all i get for my effort of thinking was..
criticism, looking at the flaws of it and throwing the problems rite back at me
wad if this, wad happen that... ya shld do this...
i;m so sick of it...
its bad enuff i haf to brainstorm it all alone dispite it being a com..
now my solutions aint good?
but no one else see this problems and come up wif solution?
i dun blame anyone...
juz really feel f***up that people can juz leave like that...
year 3 busy wif work yr 2 MIA...
its juz so screw up...
now i came up wif the idea of passing on early so the next batch can experience and who noes start a fresh?
wif me guiding behind them....
now he insist i stay on the title and ask them to do the work?
i mean i feel thats unfair...to them...
plus i haf my reasons...
my reasons being the end of year sem... i settled most of the things...
i feel its about time they learn some things and plan ahead...
change the pattern on how things were done be4...
i dunno i juz feel so packed in my brain rite now...
i haf to worry bout my IPD...
not that my team dun noe how to do or wad...
juz they really forget everything...
i seriously dunno how to go on...
looks like i haf to solo it out?
my I&E...
my grp juz wan the easier way out, slack and all...
cant they at least put some effort? some tots into it?
AAARRRRGGGGHHHHHHHHHHHHKLHHKL:HIO IO!!!!!!
*breaths in* breaths out*
am i thinking too much?
stressing too much?
i see all this problems in front of me...!!
i need solutions...
i need competent people...
i need people to care...
feels so god damn alone in this world.....
well as in alone wif this problems....
and cant really get anyone to understands me...
i feel like throwing everything aside....
do wads important...
spend more time wif frens..
familys...
i seldom get to see them now a days...
its always wake up they not home...
come back they aslp....
i dunno i juz hate being alone and all...
even though i feel at peace...
i need/want people to care....
omg wad am i ranting about?....
i need a break...
i juz love hangin out wif frens... haf fun no stres and all....
i mean liek i love to accomplish the impossible... but its juz so AAARRRGGHHH!!!!
brain dead brain dead!!
cant think of anything now...
i shld slp...
logging off....
maybe i'll feel better tml...
reminder to myself.. pls wake up early go poly clinic check my back...
william
wif love...hopefully get loved too....hmmm nah... juz get cared for can liao...
hahahaha
zzz
i guess i'm nutz..
9:43 AM
Tuesday, October 23, 2007
its 1.14am now, going off to bed soon,
well dunno why but rite now feel quite good mood =P
hahaz was chatting wif a fren, and wow someone actuclly reads my blog,
kinda a little embaress too, all the bad spellin, long windedness, and ranting bout everything i think and feel.
but its really nice when someone noe that ya not happy and ask ya why or wad happen =P
juz wanna say thx =) its really nice of ya.
todays pretty much sames as last week,
juz during some of the labs,
omg some people really dun listen to instructions,
or at least they listen and forget...
well i'm sure theres a reason for everything
shall not blame them..
its juz some inconvinence caused, and some time wasted..
hahaz all is forgiven =P
oh and also had to gym alone all by myself today,
coz fren went in wif his fren earlier...
well it dun feel good being ps like that,
but i'm sure its much more beneficial for him to go wif his frens bahx..
well today i also had the chance to talk to my cca de senior...
well it wasn't anything specific,
but kinda make me wonder and think bout some things i was thinking about recently...
in conclusion, i think i decided no matter howmuch i dread something...
i will not disappoint wadever trust and responsibility given to me...
i will continue...
everyday theres sumtin to be learned..
and i feel its a good habit to blog daily..
makes u think bout the days happening and well reflect upon it..
see if wadever is done, can be done better? or is it wrong.
the next thing to settle..
is my back problem i haf been having for awhile now..
i shld haf it checked soon..
sharp pain suddenly kinda feeling on the lower back.
okie enuff wif problems already, =P i'm already having alot hahaz,
hmmm i'd love to find someone to share the load wif, to rant to lol hmmm wait that ain't nice...
hahaz
looking forward to tml, swimming be4 sch, then go for prize/cert presentation...
IS lesson then HPB talk(hopefully its sumtin beneficial bahx)
then probably going see a doc on thursday morning be4 class regarding the back...
and FRIDAY!! evening go down wif ck and maybe xanthe see costume for SAT..
zouk...LAIR OF THE DAMNED!!!
hmmm i wonder does people think i club alot? drink alot? hahaz theres alot of i wonder...
but who cares wad they think bout me...
most important is i noe wad i am,
i do wad i feel is rite..
i remember i used to say.." Judge me only if u truly noe me.."
that still apply =P
ok i guess i rant enuff for today..
least be4 i slp i'm in good mood, put all the stress and problems and emoing things aside..
slp and look forward to tml...
logging off
take ya to who ever is reading this..
slp early slp well..
william
10:14 AM
Sunday, October 21, 2007
it is now, 4.20am in the morning of monday 22nd oct 2007...
was actuclly doing my IPD project, done so long but dun seem to be getting anyway.
how i wish i haf photogenic memory =P
rememebr everything details of wadever i learned from year 1.1 all the way till now.
well the main thing actuclly was i couldn't sleep,
so try to do some work, wait for time to past.
2 hrs more i'd probably be getting ready for sch.
and omg its juz past 1st week and i cant find my in4 lab notes...
zzz
guess i'll go sch check wif frens see anyone took my book...
else the most no choice need purchase another one...
well for the past 10 mins been typing a whole page of things to write whine rant about...
but decided not to write them...
great juz wasted 10 mins of my life...
haiz... maybe i really am thinking too much...
hahz lifes been weird lately...
zzz nvm... dun think i will write it out liao anyway...
i shall learn to control things and solve them myself...
logging off take care u all
william...
1:18 PM
Friday, October 19, 2007
19th of oct, my sis birthday =P
happy birthday shirley...
todays been a pretty slack day...
went to sch for lesson at 9, end at 12
lunch and kinda read up on sch work till bout 2,
meet up some frens...
went sch gym, worked out back(except lower back which i think hurt myself)
then went on to swim, 8 laps in sch swimming pool..
now feeling damn shag..
oh well after all those programmes
went home prep and went out wif family to kino,
sis getting some book there, then dinner at ECP, =P this one stall all the stingray and all de portion damn big and nice
mmm i guess thats all for today =P
anyway heres some tots for today, been thinking alot of things lately,
trying something out...
trying to take life slower..
looking at everything as a whole
noticing things that i havent been noticing..
every person, everything, theres juz a meaning behind them,
a story...
but its kinda nice to take it slow once in a while
anyway am really glad, some things bothering my frens been settled pretty much...
its time for them to appreciate each other, no matter wad happens...
some things i feel i got to work on, controlling my mood and emotions...
but really i'm kinda feeling pressure from alot of things...
dun even noe where to begin...
or worst dun even noe where it actuclly starts from...
gonna take it slow and figure things out once more
sometimes looking at people juz makes me feel alot of things,...
pointless i tell ya...
juz pointless...
but wad can i say feelings is sumtin we human being been given...
so i guess we must learn to control it eh?
listen to musics... it help...
i belief no matter how bad lifes get, theres always a way thru it..
be strong..!
life juz love to throw crap at ur face...
but u got to take it and throw it back at it...
thats how people improve...
by forever fighting on wif wadever life throws at us...
ok i guess i'm really tired... thus toking alot of crap...
thx for reading... congrats u juz wasted few mintutes of ur life...
zzzz
loging off zzz
william
PS.. 27th oct lair of the damn at zouk... dress up and party LOL
11:06 AM
Wednesday, October 17, 2007
sch was same as always....
after sch went gyming then head home...
reach home after dinner and all,
went out again, to meet a fren,
accompany the fren, listen to her,
tried to comfort, doubt it was successful..
went over to another frens place, sat there, talk abit,
however, the outcome and all the things is kinda out of my hands..
wish i could to sumtin to at least help out the matter...
some people can really be an ass...
self centre %@$!@#$
obsess wif things and ruin life for other people, and still able to think that why is he treated unfair?
such people deserve punishment...
wake them from the deillusion world...
its guys like this that gives us guys a bad name...
although i'm a person who dun belief in violence and all...
noeing me u'll noe how i think and feel...
i still feel this guy doesn't deserve the kind of frens his taking advantage of...
i really juz dunno wad to say...
i really respect her and her bf...
they are both really sum exceptional couple...
as a third party theres nothing i can do bout things...
all i can do is wish for the best and may things all work out bahx...
love is not about having the person,
its about winning her heart,
understand wad she feels and go thru...
even if u cant be wif the person, u wish for her happiness and be there for her as a fren, that is love too...
love is beautiful, its delicate, NV try to ruin someones love juz becoz u think u love the person...
if u really do, u wont haf ruin it... or take her as urs...
i'd rather a love that both side accepts... thats a love that has an outcome...
dun bother forcing ur way and say love can be grown...
yes it can be grown but by forcing ur ways... ur killing it not growing it...
love is about giving and not expecting anything in return...
giving as in giving ur time, faith, trust....
its not an item or a thing...
haiz... well people juz keep telling me, ur young wad do u noe bout love? or ur single how would u noe...
well up to u to think, i belief in my own ways...
for me i wont try to go for her if she is attach no matter how much i think i like/love her...
i wont be the person who is guilty of breaking anothers heart...
frenship is always important... ya can be the one for her, juz be the fren there for her...
thats wad i feel everyone shld do...
oh well i guess thats quite alot to digest... although i still got lots of feeling to write...
i shall relactantly end here...
william
10:38 AM
Tuesday, October 16, 2007
___A nites out wif frens, destressing_____
sch started, same same nothing seem to be different...
after sch went down to clark quay, meet up wif fren.
thank goodness i finish my lab fast, and can leave class early.
else will kept her waiting for awhile... =P
sat at tcc chat chat, drink coffee and tea,
see her stress her accounting thingy...
sry couldn't be much of a help =P
kinda not so good wif counting money lol
we sat there till ck arrive...finally....
he was suppose to meet us at 6 but he reach at 7
went over to some iguana cafe, had some drinks chips and dinner there...
ttok alot of crap too =P
was fun =) enjoyed the time pretty much...
after that went slack slack =P
guess that was pretty much wad happen...
details... i kinda dun think i shld write, or i shld say i'm lazy to go into it...
anyway some tots of the day...
guys or some guy the minority,
really can over do things that even i myself another guy listen liao also feel that its not rite and overboard....
kinda makes me wanna tell em off...
but still its between others and as a fren, i'm there to provide company and advice bahx
how can someone whos not even wif the gal be so possessive? its wad i call an obsession...
which kinda makes like miserable for people...
pls wake up if u think ur obsess wif anybody...
least spare a tot for other party.
hmmm nvm i shall not write any further, or i'll get heated up =P
it kinda makes me wanna ask wad exectly is love to u? or to anyone?
personally, if u noe me well enuff u'll noe my answer...
anyway i'll write till here...
take good care and rest more
william
11:44 AM
Monday, October 15, 2007
____Boday aching zzzzzz in pain...zzz____________
its 16th of oct, now almost 10, in class room waiting for class to start.
whole body is aching, here in pain there in pain....
ytd went for cca, normal training and all then they had a free for all sparring session...
lets juz say it was quite messy.
and well, kinda got hit in some place and till now still kinda abit swelling.. lol
back ache... =P i think i shld haf it checked if the pain continue.
also... some weird things happen ytd,
some people were handing out free tickets to some movie. =P
but oh well got the ticket but i not going,
coz after sch going to meet some frens slack slac =P
well kinda looking forward,
studying so far from most of ya frens is kinda depressing at times =P even though ya meet new frens and all.
but most of them is mostly juz hi and bye..
guess theres advantage for studying somewhere far and also theres disadvantage.
bout 1 and half more years to go, and i guess my study life is more or less over,
going to work wif the RSN.
hopefully all goes well.. and i get to go uni =D
hmmm ya noe, i'm kinda looking forward to life in the RSn but at the same time i kinda dun look forward also...
well imagine living life on the sea where u constantly need to sail..
there will be less time for ur loved ones..
plus hardl i'll get attached hahaz, well ya see, in a r/s theres a need for contact, imagine ur wif someone who mostly isn;t arnd?
but hahaz personally i believe as long as my heart is ever faithful hopefully she'll understand.
haha
k lah class starting
william
6:51 PM
Sunday, October 14, 2007
____NEw sem, new class, new module, a fresh start....______________
well in a flash 2 months holiday gone juz like that.,..
time to go back to mugging, studying...
oh well who noes wad this sem will bring =)
its been an exciting holiday...
turned 18, met new frens, learn loads of things, gone thru some hard times...
overall enjoyable =)
tml is the first day of my next sem and i doubt i can wake up... OMG somone pls morning call me =P
to all the people having breakups and problems...
do be strong...
things will pull thru de =)
to those in the midst of ur couple world..
do cherish and appreciate wad u haf...
juz kinda update for fun bahx...
got things to say but cant say it out here...
got feelings to write... but its private...
hmmm actuclly write also not much difference no one read anyway...
but aint gonna do it...
or i'll feel down all over... lol
okok gtg slp liao...
take good care of yourself =)
all of u...
good nites...
9:34 AM
Friday, October 12, 2007
_____back from a nite of fun or a nite of sadness?_________
yesterday was juz another day,
went over frens place for some fun and gathering.
it was all fun and games, a little of drinking.
till when they start to wanna tok about their past r/s.
things that there not happy wif, things that they felt they were wronged.
when it was all over i tot it was all over for good.
the drinking continue.
then when she start getting upset wif him...
yes i noe its perfectly normal and all...
but things juz got messed up, they were drinking vodka kurant then some red wine...
though at some point of it some interesting things did surfaced that none of us noe.
but soon things got worst...
i can only vividly remember the things going on...
people puking and ranting bout their unhappiness,
people having a good time
people doing nothing and keep inisting they noe sumtin and assuming people arnd him is all hay-wired
i remember at some moment seeing and hearing everything arnd me,
makes me think and wondered bout some things i left behind me long ago...
it upsets me to even think bout them....
yes i moved on...
but its juz i felt sudden saddness all of a sudden,
its like why cant people appreciate wad they haf, why muz they make stupid decision, make themself suffer for sumtin not worth it?
i guess thinking back while looking at wad is happening...
juz kind of strike me hard inside...
life is unfair we all noe that...
i rememebr asking mself, why me?
why not all this foolish people arnd me, least they'll wake up...
who am i to judge them anyway haha.....haiz
eyes hurting...
head still spinning....
i dun think i wanna write anymore....
william
11:01 PM
Thursday, October 11, 2007
_____hmmmm update after sososo soosososo long.....___________________-
haben been updating for ages...
suddenly chat wif fren bout blog then got the urge to blog again...
well its about time anyway...
kinda got over alot of things...
thanx to all the people arnd me and the people i juz met and noe and all...
life is a cruel thing, thats why humans are made expandable and all
no matter how hard life gets...
we learn to adapt...
if we cant we always got our frens arnd us to support us...
life for me wasn't good...
it used to be really terrible...
full of hurt, suffering, pain, loneliness, meaningless and all that...
well over time manage to get over them slowly...
even my deepest guilt, the grave mistakes i did in my past...
this is all thx to all my frens arnd me...
looking thru my past post...
it show how foolish and stubborn i was...
well i'm 18 now its about time i start anew =)
to all my frens arnd me whos in a world or hurt and all....
i'm always here for ya alrite =)
i been thru it be4, alone... and the feeling juz sux....
=P
okie enuff of my long winded theory hahaz =P
anyway happy birthday to myself, finally 18 waited so long for this...
held a chalet to celebrate me , ben and fukie bdae...
well theres some things that i feel pissed off about but oh well overall things were great..
had loads of food and drinks, learn loads of things
met new frens and all...
thx ya all for coming
really appreciate it =)
yesterday was my first official legal entrance to zouk...
their mambo jumbo...
hahaz damn fun...
although some frens ps me at first, but wad the hell...
got some of my other frens to go lol
some weird things happen i shall save the details...
cant spread it ya noe... and to all of u whose there dun u dare spread it... pls and thank you
had really lots of fun hope ya all enjoyed it too..
and hope ur first time is a memorable one and will make u wanna go again =P
remember got party jio me!!! lol
william
sch start next week time to start my engine =P
9:37 AM