-i'm.SO.miss-understood. -shikayeproductions.

Sigh....
navigations are the words.
This is my own space to let it out. especially when theres no one to talk to that true understands or try to understand me.

Wednesday, November 21, 2007

juz reached home....not in a very good mood...wanna talk to people but no one seem to be replying...feeling thinking alot of thigns now zzz....
maybe it was juz me...maybe i stir it up?
wad started as a simple talk of interest... and tots of concern become a full blown quarrel..
no one wanna back down...
maybe it was wrong for me to haf stood up to him?

worst... juz now was walking over their room and i overheard something... and well... makes me feel worst...makes me feel like i'm useless and worst i'm still a burden to them...and that i still challenge them...
juz feel very confuse now.....as in mixed feeling...
partly rebelious tots as in not willing to accept sumtin i feel is not rite....
but at the same time feel like i disappointed someone...failed in being filial...

how could i haf challenge him? definately his got more experience than me...
but still i feel his viewpoints are incorrect...
things change....
how can u view things wif a fixed mindset on wads wad??
everything is there for a reason....
ya cant judge somthing juz becoz u think u noe it...
not that i noe it well or wad....
haiz... i dunno maybe i'm wrong?

but was walking pass their room juz now...
overheard him said sometin about money....
and well at the very moment...
i felt a rush of anger, sadness, a sense of failure....
i'm i not doing my part in helping?
i noe sometimes i do feel unfair... as in i see others enjoyong their teen life wif their parents supporting everything... i see i feel jealous and all...
i'm still human... i do haf such feelings...
but i put it all aside...
now that i'm abit short...i need the money i gave/lend them awhile back...
its not that i wanna take but its juz i need it for the moment...
else i wont even be asking...
but that aside... me supporting myself... aint that sumtin to relief?
as in i dun understand ... how can things be equally as bad as be4?
it shld at least be a little easier...
that jus my point of view... least for the moment...

wads worst was... ya told me... when i need it i could get from ya...
ya gave me and ya say another thing behind me?
i mean if ya really need it more i can dun haf it...
i dunno.... i tot i haf done sumtin to help... but then seems like i didn;t....
i dunno my tots are juz messed up at the moment....
i'm sure theres definately a more mature way to look at this thing....

argh.... nvm that all aside...

juz dun wanna talk bout it anymore... i'll juz let it pass somehow some way...
note to myself... wadever he thinks its rite.. dun ague... juz agree...

anyway went to sch for a 1 hr consultation... then went over my frens place to bake cookies... and it was a total failure...
cookie was like all wrong...
hmmm maybe it was the portion wrong?
or the equipments wrong =P
i didn;t haf all those problem back home zzz

headache.... i think i'll juz end here....
will juz stone here and till eyes close and go slp....

who noes i might sort things out in my head....

i hate it when ur ehads juz fight over wads rite and wrong...
its like ripping ur head apart...
u feel one thing and thinks another...
its like a war in urself....

i hate being alone like now zzzz.......
need to be more independent...

william
failure, a disappointment? or worst....

7:16 AM