-i'm.SO.miss-understood. -shikayeproductions.

Sigh....
navigations are the words.
This is my own space to let it out. especially when theres no one to talk to that true understands or try to understand me.

Monday, December 10, 2007

another sleepless nite.....

well its 4.34 in the morning....
trying to slp but cant seem to slp....
could be exam stress(hmmm doubt so)
well at a times like this its always soo darn quiet...
so darn quiet that its feels kinda peaceful...
then ya start reflectong on the things happening around u...
the good, the bad..., the unforgetable...
well rite now feels kinda mixed feelings...
its like neither happy nor sad...
feels juz rite...
well recently things beginning to get busy... i'm sure everyone is getting busy this days...
coz well...
hardly find anyone to talk to le hahaz....
oh well exams around the corner...
work hard and do well....=) all of ya!!

well other then exams...
i still got other personal things to sort out...
well today finally my bonus banked in...
time to prepare to buy things for people all the things i said i'll get...
its about time...
else all my bills will go haywire...

currently thinking thru some things that happened in the past...
how can a happily going group suddenly become so broken down to so few members?
how many things did i succeeded in doing after taking over?
how many i failed...?
looking at the new people now...
i bet they muz be saying alot of things behind me...
well they already did be4 all this i guessed...
maybe they are...
i mean i did failed to do alot of things...
things i meant to do....
seriously at this moment now... i really dunno how i'm going to face them even if my backs all okie...

arghhh.... nvm... put it all aside....
if its truely my fault...
or they think it is... then being the men i am...
i'm ready to accept anything they throw at me...

today....i tot of her again....
i noe... it aint a good thing...
i mean like yes i do wanna move on...
find someone else?
and all that...
its juz...
nvm...
i'm sure i can managed...
dragged for too long now...
its all in the past...
let go!
move on....
i'm doing very well now...
honestly...
at first wen i noe her... when i was wif her...
i honestly felt her feelings for me was true...
and so was mine... thus i really commit myself...
i guess my greatest fear now....or basically my biggesst weakness...or badpoint however u put it...
is to put trust into r/s again...
hmmm nono... not trust.. i meant like commiting urself...
i mean if i were to go after someone now... i'd feel like its gonna be the same thing all over...
as in like... how do i noe if my feelings for someone is true... and that their feelings for me is true too...?
its sort of like a fear...
i mean like from all my past experiences... i'm not someone that people liked...
as in like as compared to alot of people around me...
yes i may be a good fren and all...
but then i guess thats all wad i'll be?
hmmm i think i'm beginning to sound desperate...
but i;m not...
i think i'm going in circles...
anyway dun worry bout me...
i;m sure i can pull things thru...
well at most... i'm juz a person who people come to when theres a need and disappear when they done...
hahaz...
oh well least i could be of use hahaz...

honestly i think i'm talking rubbish...
gibberish...rubbish...
well maybe thats wad happen when ur lack of slp?
oh well
hmmm ya noe... even i myself notice... i seem to be a different person when i'm alone at nite...
hmmm split personalities? hahaz
nahhh... not that serious...
juz basically spamming alot of rubbish...

wads to best way to put things behind me?
if anyone noes pls let me noe...

omg.... i shld juz stop saying all this things... its making me feeling worst and worst....
hmmm weird think is i'm thinking alot but then...
i'm feeling pretty neutrel....
well maybe its juz a way of expressing myself bahx...
as in like not really anyone to talk to...
so juz write it all out least it feels good...

BUT HEY!! DUN GET ME WRONG OR WAD...I'M REALLY FINE...SERIOUS....
ITS JUZ TOTS....
I'm NOT SUCIDAL OR PSYCOLOGICAL UNSTABLE...
hmmm okie well try to stop all this nonsense...
juz one last one....
resolution for the coming year...
be a better men....let go...move on...

oh well./..
lets juz talk bout today...

well woke up in the morning... i made my own breakfast/lunch...
lets see...
i had salad, wif eggs, and a glass of milk...
then ehad down to sch to study and omg... the people who jio me go... nv turn up...
okie maybe juz one came...
anyway studied abit and we head down west mall...
had subway...
followed by coffee...
and studied till 6 plus...
and i head home...

thats basically all i guess...

12:33 PM