-i'm.SO.miss-understood. -shikayeproductions.

Sigh....
navigations are the words.
This is my own space to let it out. especially when theres no one to talk to that true understands or try to understand me.

Thursday, December 27, 2007

another sleepless nite... this time at least i wasn;t home...
well could't really slp so kinda went cycling and met ben and his gf see sunrise...
kinda feel abit extra...

anyway be4 i go on back track abit
well yesterday met derrick, arif, ben his gf and ck for dinner...
the after noon was pretty much boring... aguing wif teamates regarding projects lol
they all joker zzz
anyway... met for dinner, was abit late, then me derrick and arif was there waiting for the rest to turn up...

well we had dinner and kinda chat abit...
then after that we head over arif's place, played xbox 360,
well ck was whinning and all about wanting to play guitar hero 2...
and well we played DOA, then after that change played guitar hero 2,
was pretty fun...
then later that nite, when we had to leave...
ck kept wanting to play somemore..
at first he say wanna finish sweet child of mine...
but the went on to play other song...
i see my bro arif was abit unhappy... as in too sian to say anything le..

well after that took bus 10 back...
reached home...
since i couldn't really slp, or dun feel like it...
went to fix up my bike and speed down to tenah merah met ben and his gf...
its pretty nice to cycle at nite.. very peaceful and all...
i dunno why but i seem to feel at ease when in the dark...
anyway... we cycle all the way to ECP,
cycle up and down kill time, waiting for sunrise
sat at bedok jetty, talk alot of crap there...
was talking about theory and laws...
ben was there arguing that those are created by people thus can be broken...
well kinda true but technically impossible...
i mean like ben is thinking too imaginative le...
lol shall save the details.. anyone wanna noe wad he talk about find me hahaz shall not embaress him here...

well by 5 plus 6 we were at the lower end of ECP...
sitting at one of those rocks...
waiting for the sun to rise..
and it did except we only see part of it due to the clouds..
well honestly i felt kinda extra and like a freaking big light bulb...
then i noticed... i seem to always go out wif couple de..
kinda like body guard liddat...
maybe thats wad i'll be even in the future...
seeing the calm sea and the sun rise kinda made me remembered some things...
but like i said be4 since i already put it behind me i shall not talk bout it...
made me kinda unhappy seeing things around me...
hahaz kinda felt like jealousy, unfairness..
hahaz guess i'm still childdish...
got to grow out of it...

well after that we head back...
this was one of the slowest cycle i ever had to ECP....
well technically thats my adventure for the nite...

later still need head down CCK....
guess i wont haf time to rest or slp le...
shall rot here... till 12...

well was reading up some of my previous post...
and well...
kinda tot that wadever i tot and write was kinda like... not rite...
but then at the same time kinda felt it was rite...
zzz
well i guess i'm juz having some down time..
stress and all...
kinda getting sick of it and all...
but then... i got to stop all those...
maybe i shldn't even be writing them here le...
i mean like people read le... will start to haf negative thinking of me...
and welll who noes might make close frens drift further...
at the moment juz feel abit lost , tight, insane....and all that... no reason why... i;m also looking for the reason...
and well kinda feel like everything is meaningless...de feeling...

but then life goes on...
guess i'll await tml...
and pray and hope it will be a better day...
got to stand up on my own... or die trying...
hahaz well actuclly all this feels kinda like i'm already dead... kinda makes no diff...

talking bout that it remind me...
ben asked... if the force i;m serving is having a war wif a force that my fren or family is in and i see them in the battlefield, would i shoot them...
i gave it a tot... and replied...
i will...
coz its either they shoot me or i shoot them,....
and that since i'm serving the force that i;m in, i swore alligence to it already...and i shall uphold my word...
he went on to say, wad if its arif...
i gave it a long tot...
i'd said... i will...still do it...
he said i'm heartless...
then i told him...
even if i did it... he wouldn;t blame me... coz he noes and understand me and the reason for me to do wad i do...
but still i really dunno or i really dun wish that situation to come...
am i really heartless?
maybe those words i said when i;m in the real situation things change...
argghhh i dunno... and i dun wanna think about it...
makes me feel way more depress than i already am...
i think if i really did shoot them... i'd shoot myself too...
maybe i shld realy be shooting myself already....
hahaz i am heartless... i dun deserve the people around me...

besides that... he also asked, wad if life is juz a cycle, even after u die, ur reborn to the same things...
honestly i dunno and dun care le,
when i person is born, or even be4 its born, its already set to die...
so technically i;m a dead man walking...
hahaz

zzz anyway i feel damn bad now... as indue to some things that came up... i'm short on certain things that my dad had to provide me for now...
all thx to some screw up...
shall not say any detail here,.. cant blame anyone anyway...
i really hae owein things...

anyway lets juz dun talk bout all this le, hahaz todays a beautiful day lets not spoil it shall we...

hmmm wads shall i do today...after meeting my team...
zzz i'm like living a aimless life sia...
haiz...
sibei sian...

nvm go listen music and lay on bed and stone...
hahaz
not to self pls smack out of it and be more optimistic..
zzz

hahaz wif love,
william
take care all my frens...

6:21 PM