-i'm.SO.miss-understood. -shikayeproductions.
Sigh....
navigations are the words.
This is my own space to let it out. especially when theres no one to talk to that true understands or try to understand me.
+ Cheng Wee Chuan William
+ Yu Neng Primary School
+ Bedok South Secondary School
+ Ngee Ann Polytechnic
+ Republic of Singapore Navy
+ zazooosg@hotmail.com
+ 08/10/1989
+ Libra
Thursday, January 31, 2008
dated feb first...well so fast its feb already =P
a few things to take note in the coming days,
lets see exams, test, presentation and report submission, my frens' birthday, a musical play later in the evening today, my other frens birthday actuclly afew frens birthday, but then only mention some that i'm closer wif. oh that reminds me once pass feb, a close fren of mine i leaving for her OSIP(hmmm hope i didnlt say wrong coz diff sch diff name) well even though its juz 5 months, come to think of it its kinda long, but hey dun worry bout us back in sg, when ya left, we'll be awaiting ya return. hopefully while shes gone i still got people to slack wif, to talk to and all that..
hahaz enjoy yaself there, hmmm well tis still quite early to be saying all this... oh well..
okok anyway today went to sch,
lecturer!! boring... but then got tips, but then got one more module teacher haben give tips, and no more his lesson le, he wanna make make up lesson...
oh well for the tips i'll definately be there..
then after sch came back, slack around tampines, actuclly juz sat down at the stairs of the mrt station for awhile listening to music and thinking some things...
while waiting for my fren to meet me for dinner and all..
so off we went eat at fish and co.
oh my aunt was there, though didn't get to see her..
well she called and well was nice to noe she saw me =)
then we head down to coffee bean, slack abit, oh and do some studying...
wahhhh stress man... the mroe i read the more i notice i'm lacking so much behind...
still got time.. time to buck up...
as for my fren.. shes got some test and report dueing really soon...
so there she was filled wif solid concentration and determination =P
reading and taking notes..
well all the best ya, i'm sure ya can do well de =)
oh after that another fren of mine came to meet us =P
sat down relac relac had coffee and chit chat =P
then after that head home le,
well side track, hey while ur gone oversea, well least i still got him to company me go drink LOL opps...
okok thats about it for today...
well some things we talked about
our past life and experiences...
well i wont say mine was good but it wasn;t bad i guess, maybe at some point it was...
but now its all history... all we can do is think, laugh, sadden and regret...
well look at it this way ya, least things are alot better le and i'm sure if u ask urself haf those experiences strengthern u,
LOL oh and one thing i remembered clearly... while talking bout how she got to noe me...
coz well i didn;t noe her that well in sec sch, juz a name...
hmmm its all thx to alcohol LMAO!!!
well long story anyone interested can ask me but doubt any will be...
well some things she say i do haf to agree..
shes one of the few ya can talk bout anything and you'll always get a sensible answer =)
so personally i really enjoy talking to her =P
and of coz drinking LOL but hey hey i control le. LOL serious...
well imagine how things would be if everyone was like her...
then i'd haf lots of frens whom i can click very well le
=X
okok enuff bout that.. =)
well actuclly wanna talk bout some things personal... but i think i will refrain from that today...
since i'm feeling pretty much on the betetr side of things at the moment...
i think i'll end here...
logging
william
something i used to say alot, love me or hate me for who i am, dun do it base on wad u think i am when u noe nothing of me... even i dun noe myself would u? its time i start to psycho myself wif " A CREED TO LIVE BY" found in my friendster... zzz
though sometimes i still do feel miserable over some things alot of things, but life goes on... i'll juz haf to live wif it..as long as it doesn't harm anyone around me, somethimes i feel i'm actuclly living and achieving for the people around me... still searching for myself...lost soul wondering...
12:21 PM
Wednesday, January 30, 2008
lol days past like in a blink of an eye..
i tot i juz updated yesterday but it was 2 days ago already =P
okok anyway, lets see wads been happening lately...
well been rather on the bright side these days... manage to juz put all my problems aside and juz put my heart to things thats really important to me.
well tuesday i kinda pon sch, kinda glad i did, coz well there was no sch at all =P
imagined if i travelled down =P
anyway.. slpt and woke up rather late..
then rotted at home..
oh then in the afternoon,
my good fren called =P
quite happy she did, for a fren like her i'll be free anytime, anywhere =D
hey i noe it sounds kinda corny and all.. but its the truth, well shes been a really good fren to me, a fren worth cherishing, well shes really a good fren
well anyway shes was in the area, and well she needed my help
i headed down to meet her, she was at the library and well her love for reading tempted her to loan many many books, hey thats good, dun be shy bout it or wad,
well anyway i dun really borrow books from library(i'm always stuck in sch)
so use all ya wan any other time ya need juz let me noe... utilize my card to loan as many as ya wan, no harm no worries at all...
then after that i went off wanted to cut my hair, but see the salon all pack i sianz 1/2
i think i'll leave it till after chinese new year, omg talking bout CNY, i haben done my shopping or anything for it... how how... =P
hmmm time to put my wit to the test and improvise or die die sqeeze time go shopping =Dbut kinda sian like no mood shop hahaz.
okok then head home
oh i reached home, decided to help my teammate revamp the entire PPT for tml presentation...
it was horrendous.. but okie got to praise them for their effort.
then after that pop some painkillers and did some simple workout(well i shall explain later why i keep doing that)
then after that shower played some games, added alot of games lately, well help my dear frens find some very addictive interesting games.
then lay back listen some music and had a glass of vodka orange(opps, i noe i noe its bad... but its juz 1 glass no more)
then off i went to slp
this morning.. woke up... feeling abit tired... but then promised a classmate tat i will follow him go swimming today..
so off i went left house early...
-sidetrack-
omg... damn nice.. listening "celine dion - To love you more(instrumental)"
okok
back on track..
met him in sch early had some breakfast.. then off we went to swim..
it was a really nice weather...
the sun the water the breeze...
wad a way to start the day.
did bout 15 lap (width)
then shower and head for class.
today was the last class of I&E(sumtin like TP de cds or sp de gems)
well my lectuerer bought food lots of it..
drinks, then we partied then back to presentation..
well my group people was kinda crapped but we manage to pull thru..
talking bout that somethings kinda upset me..
but then i shall warite it later..
then after that took a long bus ride home... i kinda love doing that if i got the time to burn.. take it slow and think thru things...
lets see wad else i did...
oh smsed some of frens, though not much actuclly replied or even bother to talk to me or wad.. maybe they'r juz busy..
least got one of them actuclly replied me and all...
though she sounded kinda not the same today, muz be sumtin troubling her..
well take care ya..
OMG another nice song in my playlist...." Ryou Kunihiko - Menuet for EMMA...its from victorian Romance EMMA original soundtrack..an anime which my sis loved, its got victorian design clotheings and all and a sweet love story.
okok back
hahaz hmmm well i wonder i everyday sms people... am i annoying them LOL
well i belief communication is important among even frens =)
okok
that about it all for these 2 days..
reminder to self.. prepare IN4 final written, PLEASE SUBMIT AND EMAIL IPD2 REPORT..
well be4 i move on to the topic i wanna talk about today..
was pretty upset by some things my frens said...
well wads it with money... does everything really revolve round it?
cant someone do sumtin for the sake of doing it or believing it wad his doing?
i look at them i wonder.. if everything is about money... wad is ur objective in life?
ya talk of money like ya haf plenty but then u do nothign to achieve them...
ya say the gov owe ya money... fine... i noe u got some miracle medicine or sumtin... but then..
nvm... i'm no one to judge anyone..
i do wad i like when i like, when i feel its rite..
okok enuff of all those unhappy tots...
hmmm well kinda wanna talk about 2 things today... two things that always clash wif each other..
friendship and love...
well to anyone who read heres.. juz wanna noe... wads a fren to u?
me a fren is someone whos always there for ya, someone who watch over ya, someone whos there to give u company be it sorrow or joy.
a fren is someone who in need turns to ya and treat ya like ur worth something to them be it when in need or not. someone who cares, and not there to use u and forget u...
well thats wad i think, well most of it.
wad ys opinion?
now wad is love?
wad is loving someone?
to love someone is to be there for the someone when they need ya, support them physically, emotionally. someone who loves and care bout ya, watch over ya but never possesing ya(ya noe wad i mean) love is never about the physical things.
well if u look closely, doesn;t that sounds exectly wad a close fren do?
so wad exectly is love? someone tell me pls...
well i do believe in finding soulmate all that... but one can never be too sure...
so all in all.. as long as u feel its wad u wan, u noe its wad ya wan..but always be clear of tot be4 jumping to any r/s
ask urself, wad is this feeling u feel about someone..
is it a spur of the moment?
wad is it that u wan from her/him
is it a physical thing?(if it is then u better think twice and DUN wreak another person heart...and if its someone close to me or someone i care about.. i wont let u off)
well i'm sure most of u noe wad i mean...
personally i feel... to love someone is to be willing to let the person go in search of their own happiness if that happiness is not u...
dun hold her back and maintain something that was once sweet that now turn sour...
would u wan to be wif the one u love and care about juz to be physically there, see her suffer and cry everyday? if so then ur worst then a beast.
but letting go is always the hardest thing to do...
well me got no rite to say much bout love... never really been in one thats like that..
thiniking back... it both breaks my heart and feel sorry for myself for being so foolish..
but still even though my was terrible... i learned not to blame her... not to hate her, for loving someone ya ask for nothing in return, not even her being wif ya..if she chose to go.. then let her go..
some of u might say i;m useless.. fine i am... i shall not deny.
say wad ya like but i still believe strongly in the principle that leads me to who i am today.
well another issue bout frens and love is that it always clash..
like wad a classmate scold me about..
if ur too close to a gal, even if shes ur close fren, the bf wont like it...
he told me... the thing about being a fren is not to do everything for her...(thats sumtin i dun belief) he said, if u do everything then wads the bf for?
well thats why i feel love and fren is almost the same thing
well if by helping a fren it makes the bf hate me then so be it...
i think thats enuff for today.. too long le...
opps so sry...
i shall end here..
logging william
loving someone is to be willing to let them go in search of their own happiness even if its not u.
8:16 AM
Monday, January 28, 2008
dated 28th jan.. well technically 29th liao...
anyway be4 i begin i wanna say HAPPY BIRTHDAY to my sec sch classmate de neighbour =P Munira =)
may all ur dreams come true...
well todays been quite an excited day well maybe not...
but overall moods pretty good..
well started quite miserable..
couldn;t slp and all that...
so decided.. when my parent and sibling left for work and sch..
i shall go for my run...
been like months since i last did...
pop down painkillers and juz go for it..
well walked 5 min and then jog constant for 2 lap.. which is 700m x 2
then walk another half a lap
did situp, pull up, and some simple work out.
then run back to starting point..
so in total 30 min i covered 2.8km
which isn;t a very good time but then the 2 lap which i ran consistently i complete in 10 min gonna try maintain this pace for the next one week...
then push for 4 lap consistent...
well my back did sore abit.. but i hope in this pace it will strengthern itself and in time go along wif the rest of my body.
well afterthat rotted till bout 10 plus then head for sch..
same old long trip there... and the damn SBS always late..
okie reached sch for my IPD and this time round i successfully hacked the windows 2000 server..
well wif a little tip from my fren...
i decided to change the charset of the brute force attack software..
and give a little tot bout the number of characters...
and it worked... hacked the admin acc..
well most of my class mate stopped there...
but me for one.. didn;t
coz the objective was to get the passord and user of all account in there..
so i used another software i found...
remotely get the SAM file from the target server and decrypt it.
and tadah all worked out...
now juz need to do the report and the presentation...
okok enuff bout that.
after that went home,
then met a fren for dinner and dessert =P
lol notice after i met her, my nitelife been more and more exciting and sinful LOL
but oh well for today.. i shall reward myself... and sinfully enjoy all the dessert.
my fren here.. not only got a taste for good food... shes got knowledge and interest in alcohol as well...quite hard to find people who apprecite it like we do now a days..
hahaz
while having dessert, another fren of mine came..
hahaz we had lots of fun and laughter together and talked bout alot of thigns..
well after all the fun we headed back home.. i decided to take the bus.. sicne its still rather early... while my frens dad send both of them home ;)
hmmm thats about it all for today i guess...
note to self..
pls pack room tml and start revising IN4 final written.
pray hard tonite that i didn;t fail my IN4 lab..
anyway well been rather down very down lately... but then learning to hang on and hold myself together... somethings my frens said were rite...
i shldn;t let myself become wad i am now..
well the other day i talk to a classmate of mine.. and while we used to hate each other and all..
but now come to think of it... im like become the former him...
well thx to my frens around me...
i will look forward...
try to be as happy as i can...
okok i shall end here...
good nite and rest well =)
william
every humans here haf conscience... its juz whether they answer to it and repent or not..
9:23 AM
Sunday, January 27, 2008
dated jan 28th...
today kinda nothing much wanted to wake up early work out... but still body clock spoil... woke up at 4pm..
kinda slp at 4 am
well nvm worked out last nite...
2 set of over-hand grip pull up x10
2 set of under-hand grip pull up x 10
wif 5 min cycle wof 30km/hr(least thats wad i think the lcd say) speed in between..
had some practice of my kicks i used to be so good wif while in competitive sparring..
but due to injury only did the basic..
2 set of front kick x 10
2 set of turning x 10
1 set of prisoner squat x 100
1 set of hmm wad ya call those where u tip toe... x 100
2 set of 40 push up
practice some simple sword work and pole work..
basically all the weapons i learned abit be4.
i miss those days...
okok enuff bout that...
okok i woke up..
went busy myself wif some study, mostly slacking
then after that went out wif parent go taka...
followed sis around looking for the thigns she need for her design thing...
shes growing more to be a designer wif every passing day..
well i'm proud of ya sis...
hopefully ur internship is a success wif that big shot u were talking about..
=)
well ur little bro here.. growing more and more useless le...
hahaz but i'm okie...
then after that head home le...
i always love it to hang out wif close frens or family... i really appreciate such relation..
unlike some people i noe who abuse it, misuse the trust and all that...
well its their life to choose wad they wan =)
well at home... watch tv laugh till stomach ache...
and surprisingly a close fren of mine called...
well noting much ya might say but to me a simple fren call from anyone is a big thing le hahaz..
okok enuff exaggeration..
well talk bout alot of things.. recent things.. past things... fun things... sensible things... etc... i shall save u all the details... and well people de phone call u all dun kpo lah..
well its late send my fren to slp... and i shld try slp too.. be4 i kenna from her or wad LOL
well thats about it i guess for today...
shall look forward to tml..
=)
trying to be pessimistic...
hmmm wrong i mean optimistic
well be4 i go... looking forward to a close fren of mine de birthday...
and well hey i'm sure in the coming years sure will haf at least another time u'll get surprise de...
well this year in the short time cant do much.. hopefully can surprise wif the gift bahx =P
well to me i'm not good wif choosing presents and all... but if i do.. i always make sure its from the heart =P and not juz random gift...
hahaz but rest assure by ur 21 i'll think of sumtin to surprise ya... i give my word...(shall take note)
take care and may all ur troubles fly away...stay happy and gentle(or so u say... JKJK =P dun slaughter me =P)
hmmm well that reminds me... remember new year days at the countdown ya ask me, wads my new year resolution? well i've been thinking and i came up wif a few... 1. move on wif my life or die trying =P, 2. start a running programme, if my back permits me to, 3. lose weight =P and finally to be able to help the people i care about when ever or whereever they may need me =) sounds corny but thats the truth even if is they used me..
words coming from a persons mouth can be from the heart or from the mind...
it would be nice to say it from the heart and process thru the mind...
but to some people they speak thru their mind and filled in words wif reason behind them... reason and motive...
i ask myself, why do such people say such things when they dun mean it.. even we can see it..
remember one muz suffer the consequences of their actions..
hmm i haf a feeling in this coming years... i've gain quite some enermy.. unlikely enermies..
i did nothing and i got hated..
i did something out of goodwill i get hated..
i seem to haf an attraction of hating people ?
a fren scold me for all the things i done... well his rite at least some part...
but still i haf to agree wif my other fren too..
sometimes it makes ya feel worst...
but on the whole i thak all of ya for being there...
take good care of urself all of ya...
love ya =)
william
well be4 i go.. juz wanna say thinking of another close fren of mine too... wonder hows she doing now...
hope she is well.
stay happy always...
and stay happy like last time alrite.. see ya soon
psps i always haf tendancy to think bout the people i care by the end of each day..my bro especially but in his case.. he noes and i noes.. wad i think feel and speak...=) BROS4EVER
10:30 AM
Saturday, January 26, 2008
hey hey...
well haben update in a while...
hmmm lets see i shall update bout yesterday and the day be4 that...
friday... nothing kuch happen i guess...
though evening went out meet some frens drink...
was suppose to be a simple happy gathering =P
kinda turn out abit messed up...
well at first was abit sianz...oversome things...
well some memories really shld be left untouch...
anyway... so i tot heck juz go out meet fren sit sit drink drink talk talk..
so off i went...
oh abit side track...
she went kandi bar wif her frens to finish the bottle they left last time..
and i first time hear be4...
the bar LOST the bottle...
then they wanna compensate wif a absolute blue..
then nv... as for the mixer they wanna change...
zz but the person dun let... and inist absolute blue can go wif sprite...
well like duh everything can go wif everything...
its juz whether it taste weird anot...
and i agree it doesn;t go well..
okok back to eski...
then she head over...
wif her bf, best fren, boy friend, boyfriend..any diff tot they shld be of the same level hahaz least to me
or so some of my frens say..
anyway
we were there happily talking and all...
i saw my fren.. eva...
well she was there wif her bf and frens...
well me as usual as long as is fren i will say hi de..
she look kinda miserable...
then i found out something...
the bf dislike me...
wtf...
nvm... the reason being coz he say i bring hakim go drink... i'm not a good influence...
fine.... its my fault for drinking wif an underaged...
but hey i didn;t drag him there... neither did i ask him to be there...
he was there on his own account... and at that time... i didn't remember the fact that he was 16...
fine i'm to blame...
so wad that doesn;t give u the rite to make her cut off her frenship wif me rite...
i'm sick of guys like u whos paranoid over so many things...
open ur fukign eyes... and see is wad u doing wad she wan... even i think ur freaking too possessive...
she cant even do the things she like... she cant go out without ur permission?
haiz pls wake up ur fuking idea...
hate me but dun make her life miserable...
as for me i shall not comment anything.. only time will tell my innocent...
why is it always i;m being hated...
zzz i used to haf another close fren i emt at work last time..
then get along very well... helped her a couple of time wif her r/s problems... and suddenly i became the problem... and she juz cut off 2 years... till recently she finally replied..
guys why are all of u so fuking paranoid...
it pains me to see my frens being so miserable...
rather i be the one feeling miserable then i being the one who see them like that...
coz it sucks more when there nothing ya can do for them to ease their misery...
i guess leopards really cant change its spots...
i'm juz who i am ever since...
no matter how much i try to change i will still be the someone outcasted and disliked...
well though things are slightly better now.. i shall not deny...
hope she is well and hope things improve....
and if really my disappearence can help... then i guess i ahf no chioce do i no matter how much i hate that...
haiz... nvm lets not talk bout tat... its peoples personal problems..
that also remind me... to a certain someone...ur another whos got to wake up ur fuking idea.. be4 someone beeat the crap out of u... stop ruining the lifes of others... stop causing havoc and misery...
u say u love someone... u wan that someone... shes the only one for u... but the fact is u were nv wif her at all be4... u haf no rite to all that claim...
ur juz darn self-centre....selfish... and i would say evil... fuking retard...
shes had enuff of u and all the things u did... cant u stop already...
all the things u owe her.. the lies...the despicable things u did...
honestly i lost all respect for people like u...
juz stop it already...
if me being around makes ya agitated and unhappy.... well the more i'll be around... i'd rather make a new enemy and svae a fren then sacriface the fren for the sake of saving ya face...
though i'm a third party i dunno anything or i suppose so...
i will not and shall not stand by to see such blasphemy...hopefully i didn;t spell that wrong...
well to my fren... if at anytime i can be of help to any situation... be it physical or juz verbal.. or anything... noe william is always here...if ya ever need...
and i really thank ya for listening and all =) and always being there if i need a listening ear...
thx...
tc ya..looking forward to ya birthday..
okok enuff side track...
okie fine at eski was upset over alot of things.. it juz all crash down on me..
i'm really disappointed wif myself for losing control and becoming wad i became...
useless i am..
but i swear on my very own soul that will change...
i came home... talk to some frens on msn... and well one of them couldn;t reply me...
he left me an email...
i read it this morning...
though last nite i cant rememebr wad i talk to them about.. ..
i read thru.. and went thru some brainstorming..
some things he said was rather rite...
i can die and rot and be miserable all i wan...
but who will care... no one...
yes people will react to u but after days...months or years.. they will juz disappear and forget u...
i hate that idea but thats the truth...
theres also alot of things he said...
it kinda let me noe why his liddat compared to the first time i noe him...
well fren... no matter wad ur trust or beliefs in frens are left.. noe that i'm always true to ya..
i thank u...
as of today... i shall stop all my crap about misery... and juz swallow my sorrow down myself.. if i cant help myself then wad rite do i haf to help my frens...
today... i rotted at home till evening went down to meet my bro arif and group(xanthe, mich, ck, fren,fren,fren) well i remember one of them call you tian(got shop?, or got electricity?)
had dinner at somewhere in marina... well there was a time... during dinner...
there was this gal sitting beside my bro...
quite pretty i would say... but wad took me by surprise...
err i noe it sounds wrong.. but hey i didn;t purposely go see de...
i'm not that kind...
the dress she wore.. kinda looks nice on her... but a person her size.. shes got really prominent err damn man... i dunno wad to say... its not me...
ok fine.. shes got rather big boobs... but err thats not the point...
i juz ignore wad i saw...
then my bro saw her...
then he was like telling me... but his gf beside her...
then we juz change topic and use chicken in replace of person... and relate everything to wad he was eating...
when his gf ask... we said something like oh nothign we were saying the burger probably is breat meat... then overall the burger like impropotionate... the breast meat like bigger then the rest...
LOL
damn funny laugh until stomach ache...
but hey to anyone reading this ... WE ARE NOT PERVERT WHO ALWAYS GO BEO PEOPLE!!!
but to me when someone is pretty i feel its rite to compliment them... the gal was really quite pretty nice features and all...(err i dun mean her middle) aiya nvm the people who read probably already noe wad kind of person i am... i'm not that type...
okok after dinner brought in the cake for mich... belate birthday...
we made her sing birthday song for herslef.. LOL
in different language...
well after all the food we head back... ck keep insist on not wanting to go home early... i think i can read his mind.. he wans to go drink =P
i juz kept quiet...
i tot of going find my fren after her work... but decided not to disturb her..
i think i cause enuff havoc for one nite le..
hahaz..
thats bout it for the two days...
weird thing... today i log in friendster.. and out of instict i tried look for her again...
but failed of coz...
why do i keep thinking bout the things i wanna put behind... if only our minds are like harddisk.. can juz format...
oh i came across some frens de profile...
then kinda regret somethings i nv forfilled..
i see all the people i met at spec course...
now cadet lieutenant le..
i was given that oppotunity... but i let it go... over some reason...
regret so...
when i first came in i wanted to go that far... pursue airborne and diver...
failed... i only reach supernumerary.. and worst juz a specialist only....
i failed the corp..
now that i'm no longer in it... i'm wif the RSN...
i still feel part of the proud NCC (EAST)land
hahaz... sounds corny... but if i could i'd want to live thru the life again..
i think i shld end here...
juz a little something to add...
really glad to see all my frens...again..
over this 2 days.. be it good or bad time..
i will be strong and no longer burden the people around me...
logging..
william
9:32 AM
Thursday, January 24, 2008
25th january 2008... 25 days since the the new year...
though it didn;t really start as well as it shld haf... least its going on quite fine i'd say with some obsticle here and there...
its 2.54 now..still awake as always...
juz showered...
stood there let the water run through...
close my eyes... hear the sound of the ntie and the running of the water...
and thinking of nothing else..
feeling relax...
it feels good...
thinking through some things that happen...
well its the same case of wad ya feel and wad ya think... fighting...
its like they cant agree wif each other...
well blame it on the fact that human beings are too complex...
ya haf people wif motive, people who hides their true face of themself...
people who throw themself in harms way...
people who ... nvm...its juz too complex...
well i'm no one to be judging anyone..
anyway... lets juz drop that topic...
today... didn't go sch...
rot at home..doing nothing...
well i slpt last nite... lay there till morning... then finally slpt... but then woke up in the afternoon...
while slping... was awaken by some dreams... but at the moment i cant remember any of them...
thats good too... i dun wanna noe either..
rotted till evening... wen out wif parent...
well actuclly my mum drag me...
she say dun wan see me stay home alone... doing nothing in my room...
so off i went...
went down PUB...no its not pub... i think its power utility something..
then after settling the things there... went down to taka..
had dinner there..
well had a buffet at family international..
and well conclusion the food suck..
but oh well...
zz
but i do remember this one waitress there.. she was like that sumtin nice in the place where the food aint nice at all..
well she first came to clear the plates at my table.. and well as usual i thank the person... and she smiled back.. well that was something that i rememeber clearly.. shes got a really pretty smile..
oh and i shld add shes got a very sweet voice too... hmmm well
i'm not saying all this becoz i spend my time beoing people...
and who cares if people say shes not as pretty as i say... well to me looks isn't everything... though a minimum is required... not that i'm against anybody or wad.. it juz goes to show that the person loves him or herself..
and no i didn;t go get number... zzz
its juz not me... i mean i appreciate the beauty of people...and i dun juz desperately throw myself to people... and of coz not wif my parent there...
its juz a simple comment...
anyway... after that i went back...
it always nice to go out wif my parent...
i get to noe them a little better... i get to talk politics and interest wif my dad..
and well i get to update my mum on society =)
back home... i juz went back to my hole.. and juz stayed there...
dun wanna think of anything important at the moment...
juz sit there.. stare at the com... do nothing... played some games...
games that really keep my mind occupied...
i'm currently people CivCity:rome its bout building a city andall that...
haf to really put my brain to use.. thinking of the best way to place everything coz as resident improve.. standard of living improve... the things require also... and well its juz get messy...
okok anyway... i noe ur sick of hearing me talk bout all this...
well soon exams will be here... and i better get myself together and get ready... i already screwed up enuff... i could nv meet up to my own expectation... well i used to think i was better then everyone at home... but i was wrong.. and that tot was foolishly childish...
well even noe... wif IAP(industrial attachment programme.) coming for everyone my batch..
half my class got called for interviewed.. and i didn;;t was it something wrong wif my CV?
or i wasn;t good enuff... that cant be... nvm... shall say nothing...
anyway i wanna say i'm really proud of my sis...
she aimmed for oversea attachment... and well she didn;t wan those the sch gave... she went around getting her own company... and well her portfolio was fantastic that she currently haf people from the US, australia and i dunno where... very happy wif her folio...
now is up to sch to investigate the company and see if its sutable..
well my sis haf always been better then me..always... she juz didn;t accept that fact that shes good... till she retook her o levels... she didn;t let wad happent he first time beat her down...
congratz =)
for me... i'm juz gonna continue the path i chose... even wif peoples comment bout me and all...
honest'ly i dun like it... but then i shldn;t care...
so wad if people calls me a government dog...
zzz juz becoz i get salary from the gov...
so wad if the money come from tax...
that doesn't mean i'm below any of u...
who cares bout wad people thinks..
yes i'm fat, ugly, no brains... no looks,
so its still juz me... does it concern anyone else no....
well luckily not everyone thinks that way...
well dun worry those people who actucllyreads here are not one of those...
and fine some of them is juz joking... but jokes can go too far sometimes...
like the other nite...
at my frens birthday... somethings they joke about really hit me... that i wanna juz whack some sense into them...
but i juz kept breathing and psychoing myself inside... no its juz a joke... they dun mean it...
well i wont be surprise if one day when my own psychoing cant hold me back i'll beat some sense into some people...
well for a person who already lost most of his confidence, and self respect... such things really hurt alot... such comments...
so i advise people please dun happily joke about people when u dun mean it...
it may be a joke...
but it also can be a joke too much...
well some of u might say i think too much... or sumtin like that...
fine... i dun like to lose... okie...
i dun like it when people joke about things tat are sensitive to me...
fine i haf some issue wif my ego...
i'll deal wif it somehow oneday...
juz lay off me alrite..
unless u truely mean to help or to be a company...
i think i'll end here... enuff rumbling about things.. i think people also sick of it...
i will deal my issues myslef... i assure u...
i wont or at least i try not to let myself down...
if i really cant.. then... i think i'm better off ...nvm...
shutting up and logging...
william....
tot of a perfect gift for my fren... but i dunno whether she'll like it... its juz sumtin i rememebr she say she like...
to my bro arif... work hard and take care ya... though we haben talk for a while.. ur always in my mind and heart.... good luck this year.. and juz take care of urself ya... ya got someone who loves ya dun bully her ya... lol doubt ya will i think more like the other way round jkjk..
also thinking of another close fren of mine... haben talk to her for damn long le... not even see her... wonder hows she doing... other then the usual reply of fine..anyway take care and stay happy always... remember wan jio people go out i'm always available,, =P
though only like 1 or 2 actuclly calls zz hahaz
good nite and sweet dreams
10:00 AM
Wednesday, January 23, 2008
today i shall try something new rather then the usual way i write things...
hmmm lets start off wif my mood of today...
=P
honestly damn bored... sianz... like agitated...
hmmm had to go to sch for I&E project...
man the booth for 4 hrs...
so lets see in total plus travel time... i burned close to 8 hr...
zzzwaste of time....
but wad to do...
for the sake of passing this module..
well been screwing up alot of things... like my FNS lab test... omg how could i haf read wrong...
haiz.. sianz...
so well actuclly today nothing much happen...
nothing happen at all...
exams are coming... soon we'll all be year 3... well graduation is sumtin i dun really like...
coz everytime that happens sure will haf a group of frens MIA till lost contact de...
oh well lets juz enjoy the rest of the time in poly...
jan ending... feb coming.. CNY coming also...
fren birthday coming.. exam coming...
so many thing coming...
psychoing myself to look forward....
lets see tml... early morning go class... rot...dun even noe of class is open...
well i got 2 lab to catch up...forgot to do...
oh reminder to self..PLEASE EMAIL LECTUERER MY IPD2...
then tml afternoon is full lecture tilll end of the day...
today shall keep it short...
i guess thats all...
shall try to get some slp...soon...
haben slpt well in days...
shall leave out all the unhappy things... and if it bothers me... find a book and write it out...
that shld work... and of coz dun annoy people =P
k lah good nite take care...
william
10:00 AM
Tuesday, January 22, 2008
mised update for 2 days now...
gonna do some recap...
lets go back to the 21st.. jf birthday =P
well the day start pretty okie but rite after i left house it juz went down to crap...
it can be considered my swayest day of 2008
zzz
first i went to take train.. train wasn;t working...
then i decided to cab.. the whole road jam...
wan take their shutter bus also cannot...
then went to took bus to sch... it went other way..
slow traffic all the way... then near my sch there...
in front of the bus.. car accident..
then when exit express way to clementi.. it jam all the way to SIM there...
then got to class ... it was my IN4 lab test..
studied for it and all le
but when papers are out.. i was like SHIT!
i messed up... i dunno how to do...
screwed up...
then after lunch... went for IPD my hp wen down...
zzz
then decided to rush down to my dad stall...
get him to settle some things bout my hp...
i rushed cab down... and crap he left...
zzz how sway can a person get?
then after that went to pay off my hp bill
then changed hp...
oh and another sway thing..
zzz i check my trade in value was 200...
i went there it was 100 only zzz juz 1 week diff
okok then went down to meet qh and jf for dinner...
at royal scotts..
well saw samuel there.. =P
the food was great...
hahaz i shld bring my parents there one day..
hmmm after that decided to went drinking..
so we wait for samuel.. met up wif hakim and his fren..
then head to eski...
had 2 bottles that nite..
hahaz...
jf drank like crazy.. LOL
had lots of fun...
hakim and his fren was like trying to match up to us in drinking...
oh and joanne was telling them bout wad happen to me last time when i first came eski and all...
well it was those little things that makes them remember me so well..
love them all =)
so we drink and drink till seh...
but i ahd to control..
i got a test today..
but then still had quite alot..
then beside drinking we did alot of things =P
then after that we head back took a cab wif hakim and his fren...
and samuel that bugger.. at first say come my place...
then after then half way ask taxi stop he wanna go home LOL
went home and was too tired to study...
slpt till this morning...
woke up had breakfast wif parent.. then theyn send me to sch...
well today lab test was pretty okie memorise most of it...
but omg... the last part i totally did wrongly juz becoz i read wrongly..
by the time i found out... i already erase start and reloaded the router...
zzz
omg!!!!!i'm so useless!!!
really fel like slapping myself...
haiz...
after sch... nothing much to do... went to meet up wif sam and hakim they all... they were gonna meet qh go play pool..
but then they overshot the time at clementi...
they all dota addicts.. LOL
then had dinner wif them.. then i head home...
overall feeling rather neutrel today...
juz putting all my problems and tots one side...
hmmm well theres something troubling me though...
i really wanna noe... honestly do i look that fat?
why do people always say things bout my size and all...
well though it may juz be a joke but sometimes it really hurts peoples feelings.. especially when it comes from people who ya dun expec they would say such a thing...
i'm trying so darn hard to lose it...
been losing it since pri sch...
and i finally tot i had some progress and now this...
well it kinda takes away ur already shattered self confidence...
its like u already feel like crap and now its juz making it worst..
useless enuff and now fat..
so wad am i good for now?
well people say things bout me i always physically take it as a joke and always tells myself.. that they dun eman it... but sometimes.. it really juz hits ya...
haiz... besides that...
recently i dunno why but alot of my close frens aren't contactin me and all..
even my bro... i mean i noe his going thru some problems.. but he always tells me...
hides nothing...
but why now different...
then some of my close frens... doesn't talk to me no more... doesn;t sms me no more..
then when sms came its either for help or sumtin...
am i really such an annoyance?
if i am my apology...
i didn;t mean to cause any trouble...
but the fact is i didn;t...
haiz.. maybe they are juz busy and all...
well at least i still got 1 or 2 whose still talking to me and all...
but if i;m really annoying ya or wad.. let me noe... dun juz cut off...
well even though everyday things are slowly sorted out...
but then now a days i everyday like really living a dead life..
i go sch.. all my close fren not there...
go for lunch from a group of 6 now left juz me and north
i really hate changing classs..but no choice...
then aftersch only like 1 or 2 stay the rest go home...
for me if i go home also alone liddat... if i dun also same ...
damn screw up...
some of my frens... juz becoz bf paranoid they like totally cut all relation wif me...
juz like i got a fren whom i noe... use to share things and all...
but then suddenly juz cut off for 2 years now and now suddenly replied me we'r like strangers..
i really hate that...
i used to haf a best fren, a childhood fren...
well u noe... i live and grow up among sisters..
and this guy feels like my blood brother... kinda feeling...
but then i had to leave the place./.. it was a day care centre
and juz 1 year...
he suddenly change number and moved house...
and i wasn;t even told... be4 that i always called him and keep in contact and all...
but it juz gone like that...
3-4 years later..
i saw him in some NCC event...
and well we'r like stranger now... more like no longer frens...
its juz damn depressing...
maybe i juz deserve it...
soon everyone around me will juz disappear and i'll juz be the same useless fat guy living my days away alone...when i say alone i dun mean physically...
well i noe i used to be a really irritating childish idoitic kid.. and all that...
but i changed so much from it...
i achieved things that people will be proud of... but even though they no longer care bout it anyway..
i remember she used to say that i need lose weight, i need to work hard, and all that...
i always keep that in mind... now i reach that stage and shes no longer even beside me...
i guess a leopard cant change its spot...
i'll always be that dreadful waste of gene....
i'll always be...a nobody...
juz becoz i did some big mistake that i shldn't haf... i haf to live wif it for the rest of my life...
feeling guilty...
zzz nvm its 2 different things i shldn;t relate them together..
anyway... to anyone who read this... pls rememebr... think thru be4 ya do sumtin and dun live life to regret it.. even though it might be okie ya say.. but soemtimes to the person who did it..
its not...
ya will haf to face the consequences...
i pray one day i'll be free off this guilt...
this guilt that i cant tell no one of...
i can only accept it silently myself...
i guess i shld end here...
logging...
william
9:59 AM
Sunday, January 20, 2008
once again back here in my cosy little corner of my room...
updating to my little blog here who truely noes wad i'm saying...
even though its not a living thing... but juz talking to in using my head and my hands juz makes me feel a alot better with everything in me..
well nothing much happen today.. went out to meet cte and dalton... around 3 bahx.. then wait...wait... wait... wait....then dalton arrived..
till bout 4 plus when we went to meet zx...
then head down to javier's mums wake...
well in situation like this.. i hope his coping it well...though outside he looks okie..
anyway... take care...
after that.. dalton decided to watch cloverfield...
well overall... its like okie.. but the ending is like zzz wth...
is like documentry of someone who film the entire monster attack on new york city..
well some scene was funny.. some was well saddening...
but i wouldnl't recommend the show..
then head home...
honestly i dun wanna go home... i dunno...
i juz feel like sitting out there... doing nothing staring into the nitesky..
maybe see the sunrise... or sumtin...
but no choice tml got labtest.. though i prepare le... i still need prepare the labtest for tuesday...
so i guess i wont be slping tonite.. =P
shall lock myself in my room lights off... wif juz a small tablelamp to company me thru the nite...
well tell ya the truth that small little table lamp makes the whole ambience very peaceful...
well while at javiers place...
zx, cte and dalton was talking bout gals.. and well bout going after them finding the rite one.. and all that...
and well found out someone once told zx he was worried he cant find the one... and it kinda came from someone i didn;t expect to say that...
hmmm well even last nite my fren wask talking to me bout ck...
bout him being unhappy bout doing so much for the gal he likes but gets nothing in return...
well hoenstly speaking.. i too worry bout not finding the one...
but i worry more bout finding it.. and wrong...
honestly it doesn;t matter anymore...
i shld juz give up on all this...
once i believed so much into it gave it everything...
and well its now ripped out of me and its lost...
doubt i;ll find it back...
why do people think so much bout it...
why be so materialistic bout things...
ya say ya do so much for the someone..
and u expect returns... so are u saying shes only worth those things?
and juz becoz u worried bout not finding it...
u become desperate bout it...
i mean i understand it really feels good to haf someone who cares and loves ya alot...
the tot that ur on somebodys mind...
the fact that u haf someone to turn to...
and all that...
but i guess this kind of things cant be forced...
i yearn for that too..
but something tells me i wont find it...
found it once.. and well its lost... i guess i didn;t cherish it enuff...
some things juz shldn;t be done.. even though some might say its alrite...
i took a vow nv to do it.. but i did.... almost did... heck its still considered...
and guess wad till now it haunts me...
even though naturally its alrite.. but its juz not rite...
i'll haf to live wif this the rest of my life...
no one can noe or understand this guilty feeling..
thus i consider my self unworthy for anyone..
there are definately better guys out there...
i guess its true some things once done stays wif ya thru out ur life..
so to all my guy frens out there... dun rush into these things... dun rush into relationship...
love is sumtin thats not an object... not sumtin ya can define or learn...
wad is love?
i wan to noe that too..
why do people our age yearn for it.?
maybe its juz a nature thingy?
well to those whos in it... take care and cherish wad u haf..
hahaz...
ya noe... thinking back... i'm not who i once believed i was...
i'm a nobody now..
even i myself...dun noe who i am...
me a gentlemen... after wad i did last time.. its no longer true...
so who am i?
hahaz...
i think i'll stop here... anymore i'll really feel damn depress...
dun mind me... i'm juz seeking attention here lalalalala
think i'll go for a few glass be4 i get back to studying...
ever haf this feeling u were meant for sumtin great... but things seems to be otherwise...
...
wad am i saying... hahaz nvm...
hmmm okok lets juz stop talking bout that...
anyway today is my fren jf birthday...
HAPPY BIRTHDAY!!!!
NOE THAT THERES SOMEONE WHO REMEMBERS =P
hope ya haf a nice day...
logging william...
sorting my tots out...is wad i wan, really wad i wan...
i really hate it when somethings juz gets me thinking of all this things...
then it always ends up at a point where things juz becomes worst...
cant slp... then whole head juz full of regrets...full of things... tots...
lol hmmm maybe wad my fren said was rite.. the less i speak of it the less i;ll think of it... the less i think the less i feel...
omg juz kill me....
i'm such a troublesome one..
i hate it when people around me are troubled... the people i care about..
then they juz treat me like an outsider...
fine i am one...they always say in their mouth that i'm a trustworthy person... a good fren...
but then almost everything is juz mere words...
out of say 10 only liek 2 truely meant wad they say...
oh well.. having a few true frens beat having many hi-bye frens...
zzz juz getting the bulk of it out makes me feel better already...
dun worry bout me i'm fine...
i'm always fine de..
hahaz...
william
9:10 AM
Saturday, January 19, 2008
once again... back to update... though i updated once this afternoon... but thats bout yesterday bahx..as in the day be4 yesterday if u consider pass 12 another day le...
anyway...
as usual..
awake in the middle of the nite...
thinking... thinking ...
finished all my things le...
solved my sch work problem le... well one of them..
honestly everyday juz feels the same...
meaningless...living for the sake of living...
not dieing...for the sake of the people around me...
doing things for the sake of getting it done..
i feel trapped...
trapped in my own little world..
cold, dark, alone..
tats some waht wad i feel everynite..
yes yes i noe everyone tells me there are people around me who cares and all.. i noe..
i can see can hear can feel..
but its juz feel so different..
as in its like theres two part of me..
least now its slightly better..
they dun fight among themself..
everything that went thru my head..
each will haf their own opinion of things..
honestly i wonder where can my worthless life be of some value...
wad muz i do...
where muz i go...
even though accepting the fact that ur dead from the start.. really lets ya start working..
but by accepting that fact.. things all become meaningless..
actuclly i dunno... how can anyone noe himself better?
... nvm... this is getting no where..
anyway.. talking bout accepting death...
its very scary to see people around me, my frens and all.. their relatives, my relatives, parents, basically family member passing away..
my condolences and sympathy for all of ya.
but it really makes me appreciate wad haf more..
lets juz not go into this topic...
lets juz stop here...
feeling down bout some things... many things...
or is it?
honestly i dunno wad i feel...
hmmm lets see the rite word to use would be dead...
logging
william
put my worthless life on the line for something i belief and pray its not a lie,
my future is unknown.. but i noe one thing if i do put my life for sumtin thats a lie...
i'll give it all and everything up and go all out somewhere and probably wont make it back...
least its all end there..wif my parents blessing..
lets hope it doesn't go there... to that point, that path..
9:58 AM
feeling a litle bored... so thus felt like updating a little bout yesterday....
hmmm actuclly also nothing much to update...
woke up... feeling like meaningless...
quite neutral feeling...kinda got used to all that...
oh well spend the day downloading movies and watching movies.
i think i watched a total of 6 movies le...
4 more still downloading...
basically thats bout all...
hmmm todays the 19th of jan...
yesterday was my pri sch fren's birthday..
happy birthday jiali...
hmmm lets see 9 months later de today will be her birthday.. 19th of sept...
hahaz... here i go talking bout her again...
oh nvm...
oh juz remembered sumtin i wanted to say..
while watching those movies...
i watched this movie called sicko..
well its not some gore show or sumtin..
more like an insight to reality..
it talked about healthcare in the US
and compared it to other country..
healthcare in the US is really bad...
ranked 37th in the world...
i mean like there was this person...
dismember 2 fingers...
the doc ask him to choose either reattach the middle finger for 60k
or the ring finger for 12k
how can u put a price tag on a body part...
in other countries.. like canada and france... even england..
even thought their tax is high... but it made sure everyone is taken care of at least in health care...
thats wad they call universal healthcare..
at least in sg... since out tax is low..(dun say ur car tax)
at least.. when ur injured or in need of medical attention..
they make sure ur saved first without considering whether ur rich or poor..
so i advise any body going to the states.. make sure ur insured...
coz medical bills there is really insane
talking bout insured..
in the US insurance is bullshit..
their healthcare worker system is crap..
i mean how can u judge how good a worker is by seeing how much money ya help the company save by denying healthcare to the people..
and here i am thinking the wealthier the country becomes the more it shld take care of its people..
even though some people really really selfishly self centred... and only think of ways to gain benefit but nv contribute..
sometimes i really think even here in sg... people are mostly selfcentred..
no one wans to contribute to the country but they expect to gain everything from it..
i mean like yes taxing sucks.. but then ever considered... if everyone dun pay tax.. how to runt he counrty,..
everyone wans high paying jobs but then they dun wanna work for it..
i noe a fren who insist he wans a 3k a month job juz wif his diploma...and worst a diploma thats mostly very general...
even an A level graduate cant get a 3 k job sometimes not even a degree graduate..
i real;ly hope he will wake up his sense...
if u wanna beat people to sumtin.. make sure u sacriface enuff and work even blood and sweat for it..
for me money is not important... i mean like i require only sufficient and not askinfor too much..
yes i wan to make alot of money so my future family can enjoy life and all..
but that will depends how far i push my career...
i dun wanna become a billionare and live a life worrying the wellbeing and safety of my family...
plus... even though i might not like this country totally..
but since its one of the best counrty to live in..
it provides the people at least the certain standard of living..
i'm more then willing to serve it...
people might think i'm foolish.. but this is wad i belief in..
if i;m wrong about it... then i got myself to blame for me ignorant..
one ay i want to go to france..
i wanna really see is it true that is so beautiful there.. and that living there is better then in sg...
i wont ever noe..
but honestly thinking i think so much about the future.. my future family.. my frens...my career...
but wad if i was never to become anybody at all.. like wad i am now..
juz a mere peon in society..
i really hope thats not true.. though as everyday pass... its becoming more and more..
juz a nobody...
trying to be somebody..
honestly kinda confuse.. fear and worry..
i think i;m feeling more F up then juz now.. i shld stop here...
thinking of her is bad enuf.. though its all undercontrol...
screw it dunw an say anymore le.. juz wanna get back to preparing my lab test..
take care ya all..
william
do to others wad ya wan them to do to ya..
how true is that?
1:23 AM
Thursday, January 17, 2008
back to update again..
wel still feeling abit unwell...
but handling it pretty okie...
today kinda didn;t slp much then woke up early early
went to sch i go a lab test at 9...
so i met my classmate for breakfast
then head to class..
since its a first come first serve basis...
i see everyone rushing for slot...
i tot to myself... aiya nvm... let them chiong first...
for me do first or 2nd doesn;t really matter...
its about getting it rite...
well anyway... while they did the lab test...
i went over my the other class...
crash their lesson...(IPD) and well join my fren in hope to hack the server...
was pretty confident i could break thru today...
but then even wif all my research i failed to haf any progress...
rather... it was depressingly... not even reach the step i reached on monday...
i couldn't even locate the remote server...
oh well... then after that my turn to do the test...
i slowly configured everything into a notepad...
then paste it into the router...
and OMG juz becoz 1 word missing... and i forgot to set no ip domain-lookup
i spent 30 min waiting for the router to finish doing domain lookup...
well lets juz say when u input a command thats not there... it kinda treat it like a domain and search for it each word 3 times...
zzz
then reconfigured the whole thing... it was up and running even wif the enhancement...
well thru out the whole time... a few of my class mate was having difficulty...
and well they turn to me for help...
and becoz its a test.. i cant openly help... but then i feel bad not helping....
once i even copy my entire configuration into a tumbdrive without the teacher noticing and pass to her...
well i really cant leave my frens there to hang by the neck while i got away safe...
couldn;t help much... felt really bad even now...
... nvm
anyway... manage to scored a full marks for the lab test... so happy!!!!!
=) first time i didn;t do stunt and screw up...
then after that went for lecture...
as usual boring boring...
oh and shuhui(eva) called
she wanted to find company follow her go somewhere do sumtin...
i really wanted to meet her up and all... but i got class.. coz long time haben see her le =)
even considered ponning class...
but then...she dun let zzz
still i feel bad... making her go about her business alone...
hmmm after sch... i went for my other classmate pei pei de event...
some board game event...
i would say another humiliating moment for myself...
well from simple boardgame to games that forfiet wif the removal of clothes...
zzz heng i tio once nia...
but still in sch libary
haiz... hahaz...
then head clementi wif zw and north...
had dinner then head home...
zzz boring ride home...
then reach home late....
tats about it for today...
anyway... some things thats on my mind beside the stress of upcoming test...
as usual her... and i really want to go back to competitive sparring...
not becoz i;m violent or wad... but hmmm kinda hard to explain... but i really enjoy it alot...
leats juz say some pain when under control can really ease other feelings...
forcing my body to recover... since my back is a slight injury to the back... i think shldn;t be much of a worry...and a little pain shld be bearable...
hmmm today on my way back... same thing pass by red hill queenstown... i pop my head out of the train in search of sumtin i noe it wont be there....
but its become a habit... i dunno why but i really wanna see her again...even though...nvm...
hmmm well i'm reaally glad my fren understood wad i said.. and well not putting herself in harms way and all that... juz wanna say its my pleasure to be able to be ur company and fren thru thick and thin... =) well thats wad frens do ya... lookout for each other..=)
well notice ya not well... do take care of ur health okie...though i noe i having probelm taking care of my own... but still me doesn;t matter ya muz take care... especially now that exams are near and ur SIP.. well been giving it some tots and i really would miss ya thru out the whole time.. and no worries... i'll think of ya everyday =) and lastly... yup yup i remember ya bdae... sure as many flame of glory as ya like LOL plus i tot of sumtin to give ya le... heres a clue... not a soft toy... hahaz... but i think ya would like... hmmm maybe but i hope so.. me not really got wif prezzie...
take care ya... =)
logging
william
hmmm suddenly miss my bro arif very much... haben talk to him for a while le... wonder how is he doing... hope ur fine... take care ya...
10:18 AM
Wednesday, January 16, 2008
back to update further
well things been pretty okie lately... after psychoing myself and all...
well no matter how unhappy i get... i shldn't show it... and well trouble those around me...
i shld be the one helping them rather then burdening them...
learn to smile always... whether behind is really smiling or not doesn;t matter...
anyway...
lets see wad happens recently...
well nothing much i guess...
yesterday met up wif a fren of mine..
had dinner then went down to drink...
LOL ya wont belief how much we drank...
it was insane...
well maybe i shldn;t haf drank that much...
lets see i had a flame of glory, frustration, waterfall, B52, and a special mis thats not in the menu...
absinthe red, green and black all together,....
tell u the truth... its poison!!!
it juz burns rite down even without the fire...
i was like in pain when i drink it...
i think that drink almost killed me...
overall... really enjoyed drinking with them...
well i've nv been happier drinking wif anyone...
one day we shdl all go again!!!
but this time i shall control...
woke up today feeling sick... real;ly sick...
i juz lie down there till evening...
feeling a litttle better le...
and guess wad i found out... tml i got VCN lab test!!
die!!!
and i still cant slp...
well yesterday slpt pretty well...
had a couple of dreams...
one was her... well its not really easy to forget someone whos been in ur life no matter how short the time...but had a really big impact in ur life...but still i shld learn to let go..
but i dun wan... argh...nvm leave that till next time...
then after dat got another dream...dreamnt of my fren...whom i went drinkling wif...
lol if i remember correctly i dream of them doing something silly...
well thats about it for yesterday and today...
oh for the pics and video next time send ya all.. =)
i see liao really LMAO!!!
anyway... it really made me feel happy to know that my fren read my blog and well care bout me...
well guys like me are usually put aside...ya noe like no one really cares about de...
nvm i;m a strong person... i can take care of myself even if the world dun care bout me...
oh and some other things...
regarding some people...
whos mind is really selfishly self centred...
its nv nice to snatch another person for ur own sake...
its nv nice to break up a couple whose going so well for so long...
its nv rite to force another person to accept ur feelings...
and to say that u love someone but doing things that are showing other wise...thats juz disgusting...
ya can say all u wan... but thats juz u...
u can claim everything... but still thats juz u...
and one thing for sure... this world aint urs...
so go think thru u bloody idea....
be4 someone knock some sense into u...
if u wan someone juz for the sake of getting someone
or juz wan to physically get someone to break their hearts...
as a fren i'll nv allow that to happen... and if that really happen... u'll regret doing it...
i assure u that...knowing... me i'm nv a violent person... but i'm a person who noes wad needs to be done when things happen...and i give u my word... if u ever harm my frens or people i care about... u'll live to regret for the rest of ur filthy lives...
loving someone is a feeling that u wan that someone to be happy... to accept u willingly and not force them...
even if they dun accept u... when u love someone... it doesn't matter if ur wif them or not... wads important is that u noe they are happy the way things are... and u wish for the best for them...
nv stop loving someone juz becoz they reject being wif u...
they haf their reason... and one muz nv force feelings...
if u cant be there in their lives... then be then with them thru it... be the fren... the best fren... the person whom she can turn to when in need of help... the person whom she can talk to and hang out wif...
well i'm, sure people our age now shld more or less understand things bout such feelings...
so i assume u understand wad i say...
now to my fren...
rememeber nv to put urself in harms way... especially to get back at people...
nv do that...dun do wad others do to u... or u'll juz be the same as them...
ur strong... i'm sure wif all ur frens and family support ya can get thru this obsticle in life...
take care and be strong...
know that u haf someone who cares bout ya here... =)
its always nice to noe there are people out there who thinks bout ya... ur wellbeing and all... whether they are someone in ur life or not doesn't matter...
wad matters is that they truely care bout ya with no motive behind it...
i care bout my frens alot... those who deserve it...
well i dun really haf that many frens... but i'm juz glad to haf those few true frens i met.
they may not be wif me thru out my lives... but least they are wif me now
take good care of urself...
william
forget me not...
7:17 AM
Sunday, January 13, 2008
hey back again...
well todays been pretty okie i guess...
woke up kinda late... slpt on the floor...
they say the hard floor shld help my back... but like no diff...
anyway woke up...
study and played a little game...
then after that evening head out to meet some frens...
meet dalton they all..
had dinner...then after that head down siglap
had a little drink then head back le...
well still i'm kinda troubled bout a fren of mine...
well i noe she is strong and can handle things and all..
well kinda worry even more after i read her blog...
well me usually everyday will drop by her blog and juz read thru and all.
when i'm down and all shes always there when i need people to talk..
she seem to be troubled wif sumtin or someone...
well hope ur alrite, if ur reading this... i think u shld noe who u are..
hmmm next week maybe find a day jio her out for dinner or sumtin...
catch up catch up abit... well even if she dun wanna talk bout wads troubling her its fine..
as a fren we shldn't go poke into peoples business with out their permission.
=)
well ya take care gal.. noe that ur this fren here is always here for ya if ya need ya =)
a fren in need is a fren indeed... i'll remember that always..
anyway... after reading my frens blog..
actuclly made me think thru bout some things..
as in the things they say bout people... did i do anything like that be4...
or i really hope they are not refering to me...
well if i did anything to offend anyone.. i really didn;t mean to...
anyway... some things a fren of mine tot...
bout people and motive...
well in this world.. everything happens for a reason... be it a good one or a bad one...
but of coz... doing something wif a bad intention or motive is nv rite..
some things we do out of goodwill..
people who do things wif motive to hurt or harm a person is juz down rite despicable...
and nv blame urself for being kind and all... and also nv change urself to someone ur not..
being kind and good hearted is a good thing... and its wad makes u special also...
even though there are people who take advantage of that... so ya muz take care of urself alrite...
well as for the part bout putting a mask... it depends on wad kinda mask....
if its a mask to hide its motive to harm a person... then its juz wrong...
some people like myself...prefer to let other see the lighter side of myself and well spare them my troubles and all...hopefully thats not considered putting a mask to harm people...
well i juz dun wan the whole world to see me like that...
well in conclusion its nv good to hide anything... its tiring juz haf to learn to be urself...i;m learning too..
hey anyway... juz wanna say... no matter wad happen, ur who u are, ur special... dun becoz of some idiot who took advantage of wads special bout u, u change urself into someone u are not or someone u dun wanna become...
ur frens are around u supporting u... even if u dun wanna trouble them... noe that in their mind they are thinking and caring bout u, and at least morally supporting u...
i'm sure there are others who are as concern bout ya as i am... juz like u are concern bout them...
take care of yaself ya
=)
learning to be a better men...
william
take care, good nite... catch up some time... hopefully be4 i graduate i can catch up wif everyone i noe...
else i noe i'd sure be forgotten after that...especially the place i;m going...
=)
still looking at the lighter side of things...
10:04 AM
Saturday, January 12, 2008
today... woke up early went down to harbour front to meet my poly frens to support their I&E...
well i was abit late so i decided to wait for kanwei and yw then go meet the rest...
lol by the time we reach the beach...
its 12 le... imagine meet at 10 become 12...
anyway play captains ball...
well though my back hurt... i dun belief i cant handle the painand let it limit me...
play a few games...
then went for a swim...
well noticed that my training kinda payed off...
i can now swim all the way out sea and treadwater...
and come back...
well after that... we buried yw...
lol actuclly alot of funny things happened... plus was really glad to see kanwei again...
well this whole week like nv see him...
anyway after that we head back... ate at yoshinoya...
oh i forgot... sg really a small place LOL
wen i reached there...
i saw my mei.. wanting =P
was quite a surprise..
then after that half way thru met clara...
then while on the way back...
met peiyi and jiali from the china trip LOL
peiyi was the gal who during the trip we had this scandal thing going on and i;m suppose to be her little boyfriend
lol
was really glad to see them....
and it really feel good when they see ya and go like "HEY LITTLE BOYFRIEND!!!" lol
i mean like wow at least someone excited bout seeing me =P
anyway after "dinner" we head home..
decided to take the bus... as it takes really long to get home...
i juz wanna get away from the things around me... and juz slowly think things thru...
well lucky me... there was this gal sitting in front of me.. very quiet innocent looking... kinda remind me of the first time i met my ex...
well her being there kinda make me feel calm...
slowly i tot thru my things...
and well... i feel lighter now...
well if sumtin can be done then do it... if not... then let it be... but of coz everything can be done...
i shall start my mugging for my exam.,.. i dun belief i cant make it... i'm too far in to fail now...
well plus i tot thru some things i said be4 and some things i did be4...
well maybe my uncle was rite wif one thing... everyone has ego... whether u contain it or not...
well i guess i let my ego took over me...
i wanted so much to impress the people around me...
so much to get the attention of the people around me...well sometimes i really feel alone even though there are people who cares bout me...
well i'll keep a watch on my ego then...
oh som things i came across... while looking out the window... i see people cycling and running...
old young, injured and even wif disability...
it kinda makes me feel disappointed wif myself...
well being held down by my back injury...
well from today on it aint gonna stop me from doing my best in everything,... be it sports or studys...
if it hurts..,. then i shld push myself further...
if i dun die from it i will sure benefit from it...
if i am to be a examplary soldier/sailor or in short servicement... i haf to bring myself to the next level....push my limit to a place where others will haf a hard time catching...
well i noe even though in sg its a waste of time to serve... but its my interest and passion... be it the job suck or wad... or ya can call me government dog i dun care... i do wad i think is rite...
if the country needs me...i'll volinteer myself for service... be the first to be on the frontline... even if i dun make it back... then by that time... i hope those who think i was a dumb person to haf signed on... pls reconsider.. for if i'm not there then u stand no chance where u are now...if i dun go to hell who will...
i'm gonna force myself to cycle everyday... and train... if i am to be the best.. i need to be good in both physical and mental... that means physical health and knowledge...
well i noe all this souns corny... but wadever ya think... as long as i feel its rite i'll do it...
i was foolish over and over again.. unwilling to let go of things that i really wanted and loved... but like wad people always say wad do i noe bout wadever i am feeling... i'm still a inexperience young fellow...
the highest level of loving someone is to let them go... i shall bring myself to that level...
if i were to die one day i wan a death worthy of enuff to be remembred...
well enuff bout all that...
i shall end here.... really appreciate the people who been there for me...
i noe i'm not worthy of ya all... but still thank you....
william
5:56 AM
Friday, January 11, 2008
hey people...
hmmm honestly i was feeling really sianz... as in today been abit screwed up and all...
but oh well...
anyway... today... manage to slpt till afternoon... then.. went out to see doc regarding my back... did some massage for my back... and god... it hurt like hell... but it felt really comfortable after that..
well he said i twisted my back and that my back muscles are pretty weak and tense...
so my dad say i shld stretch more and stay off working out too strenuously...
well after that was suppose to meet some frens go clubbing/pubbing...
but then they all busy or change their mind... felt abit like tio psed..
but oh well went out wif sis to get her papers... designer stuff...
then had dinner... then head back...
reached home...
a fren of mine called... asked of i free wan go pubbing..
and well i was really happy and glad... someone asked me out...
well though the sound of her voice kinda sound like shes troubled or unhappy about sumtin.
well u noe me... if ya need me any where at anytime...
i'll be there...
went down to interchange...
and OMG no more bus!!!
so at first i wanted to tell her i on bus le and cab down... but i kinda forgot the street name of the place...
so i called her...
and tell her the situation..
and she said... nvm... she'll meet me other day...
i felt abit useless at that moment... as in like people ask me out and i couldn;t make my way there...
she didn;t wan me to cab down as well..
so i guess i had no choice then..
so i went back...
so i dragged my self way home...
well drop by 7-11 bought some orange juice...
sat at home... feeling rather on the bad side...
first tio ps... then no bus....
well wads going thru me was mostly i wondered is anything troubling my fren...
well maybe i think too much or sumtin...
but knowing her... she tend to keep everything to herself...(cant force her to say things can i...)
beside that also feeling abit sian friday nite having to rot alone at home...
well i sat down in my room... wif 2 pack of orange juice and a bottle of vodka...
well since i'm at home nothing to do... rather then getting all troubled wif the things around me...plus all the upcoming sch crap...which i really dunno if i can handle them...but i really dun feel like touching them,...
hmmm vodka orange taste quite good ya noe... the orange kinda makes the vodka not pungent and taste not as bitter..
anyway one glass after another... i started to sort some things out....
well i guess i manage to sort some of it out after all... whether is it the rite way or the wrong way.. personally i dunno...
then my classmates on msn msg me... tml their I&E project... at sentosa... well i was asked to go support them =P
oh well why not...
well that made me worry bout even more things... my own I&E project...
haiz chuis argh...
not that i want to doubt my own teamates or frens... but i really felt i could haf done something to settle the whole crap..well not that i can lead very well or wad...nvm all that...
oh then next my uncle called...
well his not those old uncle ya all imagine...
his rather young lol
he jio me for supper
so why not might as well...
finish a few more glass of wad i was drinking...
then went to meet him...
we drove to simpang bedok...
talk and ate...
well i dunno if its coincident or sumtin...
but the things we talked about kinda relates to wad going thru my mind...
some things bout frens and all...
well maybe i am really still too young to fully understand things...
but i really dun like it when people keep telling me that i;m still young and i dun understand things...i'm TRYING... well am i not mature enuff? am i really that young that kiddie?
so wad if i'm 89 and i;m oct...
yes guys mature slowler and all but wad if i;m different...
wah wad the heck...
anyway wad we talked about... kinda makes me wonder and think...
some things i did, doing and might do...
how i shld act and how i shld be...
basically how i shld be myself...
well then he sent me home...
and thats about it all...
well... a little update bout self... i feel so screwed... so many things to prepare and worry...
well i noe i can do them... but its juz i really dunno if i can do it... i learned be4 but i always screw up the lab.. will history repeats?
exams are coming... i'm in too deep to fail now...
its either i do well or nothing...
my backs screwed... so leads to my physical fitness...
...
no matter wad... how screwed up i am...how tired i may be...
i shld present myself as capable and can do everything... i cannot afford to be weak...especially in front of others... even if i truely am...people can only noe one side of me...only some noes me fully...well no matter wad or how i may be... ya can juz judge me for who i am or who u think i am... i dun really bother... sometimes i try so hard to do sumtin... in the end... why am i doing it for... like wad my uncle say... think... am i doing to impress someone or doing out of free will...
even i myself sometimes dunno...
so i do wad i think i shld do... i dun hide motives in me... least i think i dun...
so juz judge me...
zzz damn so damn long and i'm still abit dizzy...maybe juz 1 more be4 i slp...
anyway... to my special fren...well in my mind i only haf like few, some i really dunno whether why i think of them as special even though they sometimes juz make me feel like everything is verbal....anyway thats beside the point... i am in no position to judge anyone... u urself will noe if u really am my special fren... well being special means that they are someone whom i really care about... whether i noe u long time or short... i feel that we can click, i trust that ur not the back stabber type... ur someone who i think is worth giving my life to help... whether is it the same the other way roudn i dun really care or wanna noe..
well or simply put frens that are not merely hi--bye... frens thats worth something to me...frens that i dun wanna lose....
well if theres anything really juz noe u haf someone here who cares, and well think of ya as important as anything i haf...well lets juz say i really treasure my frens...wish them well...
coz really losing someone whom ya really treasure is really a heartbreaking thing.... not only apply to relationship...
even juz frens whom ya care about...LOL i used to haf a childhood fren... we shared everything(even though we were small and noe nothing..) but after i left the place... though i still make it a point to keep in contact... remember... he did not... i became a total stranger...
why do i belief so deeply into people...
well maybe cause i take every feelings towards anybody seriously?
if u accept a fren, u accept the fren totally... giving everything and expecting nothing...
same goes for relationship... why do people ... nvm... i haf to rite to say themn worst is those who tries to break people up coz he thinks his better... HELLO its not up to u to choose...
zzz i think this whoel prost i hit the backspace more thena ny letter.... zzz i shld slp soon... dads waking up... and i aint suppose to be up and drinking...
well to u noe who u are...
well so sry i couldn;t get down there... zzz damn useless me... cant even remember street name...
anyway... meet up some other time and i'll buy ya a drink =)
and well i may sound like a nag and i think u noe it already...
if ya need anyone or anything... ya always got me ya... anytime anywhere...
and well incase u doubt me... no i dun do things for motive.. i do things out of my own will, and coz its rite and its worth it...
take care... see ya soon...
oh and to north if ur reading...
my apology if i really suck as a team member... and i noe i really do..
well i give u my word i finish wad i need to do de...
and no matter wad i scold u or wad...its only for the moment... ur still my fren ya...
and wadever u read here stays here,..
and to ck if ur reading... yes yes i noe... i'm killing myself again...
but hey i'm trying alrite...
and i noe u care and all..
i care too... seeing u being who u sometimes, it pains me...
well u might not noe it... but hey ur got some major things to change as well ya...
oh and if u think i'm saying this to offend ya... then i take back wadever i say and apologies...
well sometimes i ask myself... ur one of a kind... the one whos did the worst thing anyone can do to me... ur always forgiven... and we'r always pals...
well pals in the near future all the best ya...
LOL
ya noe thers juz so many things i wanna tell the people around me...
but when i open my hp or see them... i dunno wad to say...
or i feel that i annoy people around me...
i wan people to noe i care...
but people dun seem to care i even exist.. LOL
well some i guess...
well i guess sometimes i'm too selfish in my way of thinking...
hahaz...
still i wish ya all all the best... and please take good care of urself...
take care all of ya... especially the people whom i really think and care about...when i say think i meant passing each day and they will surely pass my mind... i'll wonder how are they doing and all that....
juz take care of urself ya...
with love
william,
hahaz i wonder is there anyone out there who thinks of me like how i think of them LOL
hmmm someitmes i feel like " HELLO!!!, i exist here" and people juz acknowledge ur physical self..hahaz.... oh well my problem is my own i guess... psycho myself... zzz damn i fail to psycho myself again... and god i;m still awake...
oh well... one more glass and i;m off.. good morning people...
tc
12:14 PM
Thursday, January 10, 2008
hihi...
hmmm lets begin today wif a little different...
went for BTT in the morning...
well was rather nervous...
failed the trail test...
but manage to pass the actucl...
then while applying for PDL i nearly failed the eye test...
eye sight been abd lately...
oh well after that went back to sch...
that about all for today...
well once again late at nite still awake...
well not that i wanna kill myself by staying up all day and night...
but juz i dunno everytime i lie down... i juz wonder too many things i cant get to slp...
well recently been really crazy, minds been screwed up lately...
i guess its like that most of the time bahx...
it'll return to normal de again...
well been psycho ing myself to well change myself...
hmmm lets juz say i'm lost dunno who i am anymore...
but hmm i'll find it abck one day...
shift forcus into other things...
then things shld start to improve...
wahh stress is building up...
alot of major lab test and papers coming up...
i seriously dunno if i can handle them....
well used to be damn ignorant'
as in i believe i was meant to do great things ad everything i do will always turn out well...
well when smack wif the facts of real life...
things is juz different...
persoanlly i'm rather sick of myself...
that i dun care anymore le bahx...
wads important is those around me... and the things i do...
if i wanna do sumtin make sure its the best out there...
if i'm a fren of someone make sure i'm a true fren whos always there for them...
well life is short and i'm technically still young and i dunno alot of things...
i guess i'll haf to learn thru experience...
if i think i'm going thru hell right now... then i'm wrong for hell is something far worst...
wad ever i go thru i haf to make sure i survive thru it...
no one but myself can save myself...
if i cant help myself then i dun deserve any help from anyone..
if i cant control myself... then i'm really useless...
if i hate being alone or lonely then i;m not independent enuff...
so everything starts wif me...
no matter how i hate something... or how i loved something...
i haf to learn to overcome everything...
ya noe theres jus really too many things in my mind that i wanna say... but i guess its juz all pointless crapping...
shall not say no further...
its the start of the year... and well its about time i shed my old self and change for a new self...
somethings gone, can never be found again... so treasure wad u haf now... and make sure ya never let it go..
hmmm some self note
certain things to work on...
lower body workout...seriously got to work on it...
cardio...
beside that... PLESE REMEMBER TO STUDY FOR LAB TEST...
oh that reminds me...
something i learn from my martial arts...
meditation...
though its may look useless...
it actuclly helps calm the mind...
something i forgot...
well beside that it works on ur qi...and well technically ur core...
so like i once tell myself...
i haf to cultivate the mind body and soul...
mind being state of mind and of coz my studies...
body being my physical self...the body has no limits if u believe in it...(see nv sleep for days and i'm still alive and active...)
and soul... well thats something i haben found yet...use to think hmmm gaming cultivate the soul but thats crap...
okok enuff of crapping... see from a short day become a damn long post...
anyway...
some things i'm really unhappy about... but i shall not write anyhere...
i dun wanna offend anyone...
shall juz keep it all to my dark side of myself =P
slp tight and take care ya all...
love ya all...
william
learn to love urself so others can love u...well loving myself is challenging enuff... LOL
well another things to add...really misses some of my frens already....some whos been working and some whos been studying... well noe that i always remember ya all ya =)
11:02 AM
Wednesday, January 09, 2008
back once more...
hmmm been so so lately... actuclly i also dnno how i've been lately... its juz like that...
anyway today... woke up met my fren and head down to changi naval base..
well one thing for sure i kinda dun like being in that kinda place... especially when ur a nobody there..
everyone looks at u like giving u the kind of " who the hell is this kid" looks...
well cant blame them... in military organization its always like that... high security and stuff...
well tat kinda reminded me sumtin i once told myself...
hmmm as ya noe i used to be pushed around, disliked, put aside...unwanted(not that anyone wans me now), then one day i told myself... beside all the things i aim in life... i muz gain/achieve authority, power... make people take me seriously, well still i think thats sumtin i still aim for...
but i haf this tendency to take charge of everything... i mean wen i wan sumtin done.. i wan it to be done perfectly... and especially when u haf slackers around...
i really doubt how far things can go...
which always leads to one man show...
well not a really good thing though...
anyway back to today...
well stayed there till 3 bah... omg from 1 till 3...
juz becoz help fren wait for excuse letter...
then after taht went soul garden..
that went back...
thats about it for today...
tml i'll be going for my btt...
hopefully i make it...
oh yea went to see chinese doc yesterday...
and well he said i twisted my back..
well he "massage" for me and omg i feel like i'm being sqish
well hopefully my back heals fast...
i really wanna get back to being sporty and of coz get back to martial arts
i look at myself now, i cant spar properly, no sliding yoe, no jumping yeo no nothing..
i'm basically useless...
need to get back on my feet...
well recently i gets this feeling people around me are getting annoyed...of me...
well maybe coz i always bug them?
and always seems to trouble them wif wad i haf...
well i udnerstand...
i mean like everyone got their own life their own problems...
i shld nv pester anyone...
i haf to i muz be able to stand on my own...
be it if i feel alone or wad... i guess life is really about survival for the fitest..
sometimes i talk to my frens... and i juz dunno wad to say to them...
but i always get this urge to talk to people...
screw it... my life is my own... my own to live or die... to make it worth or not...
no ones gonna save me... or truely help me except myself...
if i dun save myself who will...
if i feel like my life has no purpose then i shall make one for myself...
...my purpose in life is to perfect myself, save those who deserve it, serve those whos worth it.
to be a perfect being is impossible, but nothing is impossible... its impossible when u dun try.
if i truely fail in wad i do... then i dun even deserve to be here... this spot shld be given to others more worth it..
is it really true that wad i originally belief in bout life and the society to be untrue?
if so, i rather betray the world then see the world betray me..
i cant let myself drop to a level where everyone looks at me like i'm worthless...even if i truely am..
honestly wtf am i talking about...
haiz... nvm... all i noe is... if sumtin need to be done... i'll do it....if a fren need my help, i'll do it.... if i ever need help again... i'll haf to make sure i am the done doing it as well...
nvm i dunno wad i'm saying...
anyway read a fren of mines blog... and well sumtin bout love...
i still think the highest level of loving someone is to be able to let the person go..
if u truely loves someone, ya wont hesitate to let her pursue her own happiness.
guys will forever be a jerk most of them..
till they really learn sumtin.. they will forever be one...
therefore i shld forever stay single... thus nv become a jerk again..
well that all depends wif time bah...
if u love her, accept her as who she is, lookout for her, her flaws, and embrace her strength.
for these are things that makes her...her...makes her unique
if ur gonna change her or make her suffer... juz go find someone else... and juz spare her already...
anyway gtg...will update more sensibly next time...
my life is my own..
william
8:39 AM
Monday, January 07, 2008
back to blog again...
well today was extremely tired... gonna slp soon...hopefully tml can wake up or i'm really screwed
anyway todays presentation was a success...
well at least i think it was..
looks like my effort didn't go to waste...
well compare mine to the rest... mine is nothing compared to theirs
juz glad least my teamates all made it..
well besides that...
todays lab.. there a some problems.. and i kinda felt abit useless..
as in i dunno wads going on..
and i wasn't any help at all...
after sch... went to somerset to met jf and qh..
well sat at TCC for a coffee
well it was really nice to hang otu again..
well ligthen up the mood and all..
was abit tired.. and thinking bout some things bahx so abit quiet..
well beside that... some things to take note... BTT coming up, then next week got lab test need prepare...
and sian think of this motnh i abit sian...
haben get money owe money le...
230 to jf, 250 to my uncle, 70 to get memory card, 97 for transport, 109 for insurance, then at least 100+ for certain things i getting for myself and my fren..
well no matter wad... even if i eat into next month got to make sure i haf sufficient for the month of march...
feb is gonna be a busy time for me...
so hopefully wont spend that much bahx...
and of coz hopefully the money i lend people can hurry back to me...
oh well well see as things goes bahx...
now got to worry botu sch first...
and of coz my back...
really hope it heals soon...
i really wanna get back to running and all...
i'm already useless enuff... i dun wanna becoz of my back i screwed even more things up...
no pain no gain... got to push...
like they say if it doesn't kill me it makes me stronger...
well recently been trying to occupy myself and all that... think of the things some people told me...
and well try to help me self out bahx...
doesn't seem to do much of a change...
but still trying...
hahaz though i moved on... i still think of her...
the time i had wif her.. and all that be it good or bad...
if time could juz turn back and freeze at that moment when we first met..
hahaz nvm i'm juz crapping...
i shld juz burn this memory,... and find something else in its place or sumtin...
a fren told me...i'm a guy... i shld be strong enuff to let go and go for something else or sumtin,liddat cant really remember...
well the way i am now i think i'm a disgrace to guys...
but hey i'm me wad can ya do bout it ya?
well the fact is i'm trying ... and well maybe juz maybe some things io chose not to forget...
rather cling onto the moment of joy hahaz...
hmmm wad am i saying...
anyway... i will move on de... i already did...
juz i'll do things when i feel the time is rite bahx...
or maybe i wont ever... but who noes ya...
now is juz to get the important things settled first... everything else aside...
and yes i noe there are others worst then me...
i shld be glad and stuff like that i noe...
well... technically 2 person in helll going thru hell.... even if 1 is worst then the other... i still think they both feel terrible ...
anyway... i'll be fine i guess... i think i can/i haf to... take care of myself...
i shldn't burden the people around me...
even if i were to kill myself...i'd haf to make sure it has nothing to do wif anyone around me... but of coz i doubt i ever will...
aiya i think ya all noe wad i eman and all lah... i not every good wif words and i;'m damn tired...sick of alot of things...
shall go to slp...
take care ya... love ya all... i dunno wad i'll be or where i'll be now without u people watching and caring for me...
i promise i'd be strong...
william
hopefully i can wake up tml
8:30 AM