-i'm.SO.miss-understood. -shikayeproductions.

Sigh....
navigations are the words.
This is my own space to let it out. especially when theres no one to talk to that true understands or try to understand me.

Wednesday, January 09, 2008

back once more...

hmmm been so so lately... actuclly i also dnno how i've been lately... its juz like that...
anyway today... woke up met my fren and head down to changi naval base..
well one thing for sure i kinda dun like being in that kinda place... especially when ur a nobody there..
everyone looks at u like giving u the kind of " who the hell is this kid" looks...
well cant blame them... in military organization its always like that... high security and stuff...
well tat kinda reminded me sumtin i once told myself...
hmmm as ya noe i used to be pushed around, disliked, put aside...unwanted(not that anyone wans me now), then one day i told myself... beside all the things i aim in life... i muz gain/achieve authority, power... make people take me seriously, well still i think thats sumtin i still aim for...
but i haf this tendency to take charge of everything... i mean wen i wan sumtin done.. i wan it to be done perfectly... and especially when u haf slackers around...
i really doubt how far things can go...
which always leads to one man show...
well not a really good thing though...

anyway back to today...
well stayed there till 3 bah... omg from 1 till 3...
juz becoz help fren wait for excuse letter...

then after taht went soul garden..
that went back...
thats about it for today...
tml i'll be going for my btt...
hopefully i make it...

oh yea went to see chinese doc yesterday...
and well he said i twisted my back..
well he "massage" for me and omg i feel like i'm being sqish
well hopefully my back heals fast...
i really wanna get back to being sporty and of coz get back to martial arts
i look at myself now, i cant spar properly, no sliding yoe, no jumping yeo no nothing..
i'm basically useless...
need to get back on my feet...

well recently i gets this feeling people around me are getting annoyed...of me...
well maybe coz i always bug them?
and always seems to trouble them wif wad i haf...
well i udnerstand...
i mean like everyone got their own life their own problems...
i shld nv pester anyone...
i haf to i muz be able to stand on my own...
be it if i feel alone or wad... i guess life is really about survival for the fitest..
sometimes i talk to my frens... and i juz dunno wad to say to them...
but i always get this urge to talk to people...

screw it... my life is my own... my own to live or die... to make it worth or not...
no ones gonna save me... or truely help me except myself...
if i dun save myself who will...
if i feel like my life has no purpose then i shall make one for myself...
...my purpose in life is to perfect myself, save those who deserve it, serve those whos worth it.
to be a perfect being is impossible, but nothing is impossible... its impossible when u dun try.
if i truely fail in wad i do... then i dun even deserve to be here... this spot shld be given to others more worth it..
is it really true that wad i originally belief in bout life and the society to be untrue?
if so, i rather betray the world then see the world betray me..
i cant let myself drop to a level where everyone looks at me like i'm worthless...even if i truely am..

honestly wtf am i talking about...
haiz... nvm... all i noe is... if sumtin need to be done... i'll do it....if a fren need my help, i'll do it.... if i ever need help again... i'll haf to make sure i am the done doing it as well...

nvm i dunno wad i'm saying...

anyway read a fren of mines blog... and well sumtin bout love...
i still think the highest level of loving someone is to be able to let the person go..
if u truely loves someone, ya wont hesitate to let her pursue her own happiness.
guys will forever be a jerk most of them..
till they really learn sumtin.. they will forever be one...
therefore i shld forever stay single... thus nv become a jerk again..
well that all depends wif time bah...
if u love her, accept her as who she is, lookout for her, her flaws, and embrace her strength.
for these are things that makes her...her...makes her unique
if ur gonna change her or make her suffer... juz go find someone else... and juz spare her already...

anyway gtg...will update more sensibly next time...

my life is my own..
william

8:39 AM