-i'm.SO.miss-understood. -shikayeproductions.

Sigh....
navigations are the words.
This is my own space to let it out. especially when theres no one to talk to that true understands or try to understand me.

Friday, January 11, 2008

hey people...
hmmm honestly i was feeling really sianz... as in today been abit screwed up and all...
but oh well...
anyway... today... manage to slpt till afternoon... then.. went out to see doc regarding my back... did some massage for my back... and god... it hurt like hell... but it felt really comfortable after that..
well he said i twisted my back and that my back muscles are pretty weak and tense...
so my dad say i shld stretch more and stay off working out too strenuously...
well after that was suppose to meet some frens go clubbing/pubbing...
but then they all busy or change their mind... felt abit like tio psed..
but oh well went out wif sis to get her papers... designer stuff...
then had dinner... then head back...
reached home...
a fren of mine called... asked of i free wan go pubbing..
and well i was really happy and glad... someone asked me out...
well though the sound of her voice kinda sound like shes troubled or unhappy about sumtin.
well u noe me... if ya need me any where at anytime...
i'll be there...
went down to interchange...
and OMG no more bus!!!
so at first i wanted to tell her i on bus le and cab down... but i kinda forgot the street name of the place...
so i called her...
and tell her the situation..
and she said... nvm... she'll meet me other day...
i felt abit useless at that moment... as in like people ask me out and i couldn;t make my way there...
she didn;t wan me to cab down as well..
so i guess i had no choice then..
so i went back...
so i dragged my self way home...
well drop by 7-11 bought some orange juice...

sat at home... feeling rather on the bad side...
first tio ps... then no bus....
well wads going thru me was mostly i wondered is anything troubling my fren...
well maybe i think too much or sumtin...
but knowing her... she tend to keep everything to herself...(cant force her to say things can i...)
beside that also feeling abit sian friday nite having to rot alone at home...
well i sat down in my room... wif 2 pack of orange juice and a bottle of vodka...
well since i'm at home nothing to do... rather then getting all troubled wif the things around me...plus all the upcoming sch crap...which i really dunno if i can handle them...but i really dun feel like touching them,...
hmmm vodka orange taste quite good ya noe... the orange kinda makes the vodka not pungent and taste not as bitter..
anyway one glass after another... i started to sort some things out....
well i guess i manage to sort some of it out after all... whether is it the rite way or the wrong way.. personally i dunno...
then my classmates on msn msg me... tml their I&E project... at sentosa... well i was asked to go support them =P
oh well why not...
well that made me worry bout even more things... my own I&E project...
haiz chuis argh...
not that i want to doubt my own teamates or frens... but i really felt i could haf done something to settle the whole crap..well not that i can lead very well or wad...nvm all that...

oh then next my uncle called...
well his not those old uncle ya all imagine...
his rather young lol
he jio me for supper
so why not might as well...
finish a few more glass of wad i was drinking...
then went to meet him...
we drove to simpang bedok...
talk and ate...
well i dunno if its coincident or sumtin...
but the things we talked about kinda relates to wad going thru my mind...
some things bout frens and all...
well maybe i am really still too young to fully understand things...
but i really dun like it when people keep telling me that i;m still young and i dun understand things...i'm TRYING... well am i not mature enuff? am i really that young that kiddie?
so wad if i'm 89 and i;m oct...

yes guys mature slowler and all but wad if i;m different...
wah wad the heck...

anyway wad we talked about... kinda makes me wonder and think...
some things i did, doing and might do...
how i shld act and how i shld be...
basically how i shld be myself...

well then he sent me home...
and thats about it all...

well... a little update bout self... i feel so screwed... so many things to prepare and worry...
well i noe i can do them... but its juz i really dunno if i can do it... i learned be4 but i always screw up the lab.. will history repeats?
exams are coming... i'm in too deep to fail now...
its either i do well or nothing...
my backs screwed... so leads to my physical fitness...
...
no matter wad... how screwed up i am...how tired i may be...
i shld present myself as capable and can do everything... i cannot afford to be weak...especially in front of others... even if i truely am...people can only noe one side of me...only some noes me fully...well no matter wad or how i may be... ya can juz judge me for who i am or who u think i am... i dun really bother... sometimes i try so hard to do sumtin... in the end... why am i doing it for... like wad my uncle say... think... am i doing to impress someone or doing out of free will...
even i myself sometimes dunno...
so i do wad i think i shld do... i dun hide motives in me... least i think i dun...
so juz judge me...

zzz damn so damn long and i'm still abit dizzy...maybe juz 1 more be4 i slp...

anyway... to my special fren...well in my mind i only haf like few, some i really dunno whether why i think of them as special even though they sometimes juz make me feel like everything is verbal....anyway thats beside the point... i am in no position to judge anyone... u urself will noe if u really am my special fren... well being special means that they are someone whom i really care about... whether i noe u long time or short... i feel that we can click, i trust that ur not the back stabber type... ur someone who i think is worth giving my life to help... whether is it the same the other way roudn i dun really care or wanna noe..
well or simply put frens that are not merely hi--bye... frens thats worth something to me...frens that i dun wanna lose....
well if theres anything really juz noe u haf someone here who cares, and well think of ya as important as anything i haf...well lets juz say i really treasure my frens...wish them well...
coz really losing someone whom ya really treasure is really a heartbreaking thing.... not only apply to relationship...
even juz frens whom ya care about...LOL i used to haf a childhood fren... we shared everything(even though we were small and noe nothing..) but after i left the place... though i still make it a point to keep in contact... remember... he did not... i became a total stranger...
why do i belief so deeply into people...
well maybe cause i take every feelings towards anybody seriously?
if u accept a fren, u accept the fren totally... giving everything and expecting nothing...
same goes for relationship... why do people ... nvm... i haf to rite to say themn worst is those who tries to break people up coz he thinks his better... HELLO its not up to u to choose...

zzz i think this whoel prost i hit the backspace more thena ny letter.... zzz i shld slp soon... dads waking up... and i aint suppose to be up and drinking...

well to u noe who u are...
well so sry i couldn;t get down there... zzz damn useless me... cant even remember street name...
anyway... meet up some other time and i'll buy ya a drink =)
and well i may sound like a nag and i think u noe it already...
if ya need anyone or anything... ya always got me ya... anytime anywhere...
and well incase u doubt me... no i dun do things for motive.. i do things out of my own will, and coz its rite and its worth it...
take care... see ya soon...

oh and to north if ur reading...
my apology if i really suck as a team member... and i noe i really do..
well i give u my word i finish wad i need to do de...
and no matter wad i scold u or wad...its only for the moment... ur still my fren ya...
and wadever u read here stays here,..

and to ck if ur reading... yes yes i noe... i'm killing myself again...
but hey i'm trying alrite...
and i noe u care and all..
i care too... seeing u being who u sometimes, it pains me...
well u might not noe it... but hey ur got some major things to change as well ya...
oh and if u think i'm saying this to offend ya... then i take back wadever i say and apologies...
well sometimes i ask myself... ur one of a kind... the one whos did the worst thing anyone can do to me... ur always forgiven... and we'r always pals...
well pals in the near future all the best ya...
LOL

ya noe thers juz so many things i wanna tell the people around me...
but when i open my hp or see them... i dunno wad to say...
or i feel that i annoy people around me...
i wan people to noe i care...
but people dun seem to care i even exist.. LOL
well some i guess...
well i guess sometimes i'm too selfish in my way of thinking...
hahaz...
still i wish ya all all the best... and please take good care of urself...

take care all of ya... especially the people whom i really think and care about...when i say think i meant passing each day and they will surely pass my mind... i'll wonder how are they doing and all that....

juz take care of urself ya...
with love
william,

hahaz i wonder is there anyone out there who thinks of me like how i think of them LOL
hmmm someitmes i feel like " HELLO!!!, i exist here" and people juz acknowledge ur physical self..hahaz.... oh well my problem is my own i guess... psycho myself... zzz damn i fail to psycho myself again... and god i;m still awake...
oh well... one more glass and i;m off.. good morning people...
tc

12:14 PM