-i'm.SO.miss-understood. -shikayeproductions.

Sigh....
navigations are the words.
This is my own space to let it out. especially when theres no one to talk to that true understands or try to understand me.

Tuesday, January 22, 2008

mised update for 2 days now...
gonna do some recap...

lets go back to the 21st.. jf birthday =P

well the day start pretty okie but rite after i left house it juz went down to crap...
it can be considered my swayest day of 2008
zzz
first i went to take train.. train wasn;t working...
then i decided to cab.. the whole road jam...
wan take their shutter bus also cannot...
then went to took bus to sch... it went other way..
slow traffic all the way... then near my sch there...
in front of the bus.. car accident..
then when exit express way to clementi.. it jam all the way to SIM there...
then got to class ... it was my IN4 lab test..
studied for it and all le
but when papers are out.. i was like SHIT!
i messed up... i dunno how to do...
screwed up...
then after lunch... went for IPD my hp wen down...
zzz
then decided to rush down to my dad stall...
get him to settle some things bout my hp...
i rushed cab down... and crap he left...
zzz how sway can a person get?

then after that went to pay off my hp bill
then changed hp...
oh and another sway thing..
zzz i check my trade in value was 200...
i went there it was 100 only zzz juz 1 week diff
okok then went down to meet qh and jf for dinner...
at royal scotts..
well saw samuel there.. =P
the food was great...
hahaz i shld bring my parents there one day..
hmmm after that decided to went drinking..
so we wait for samuel.. met up wif hakim and his fren..
then head to eski...
had 2 bottles that nite..
hahaz...
jf drank like crazy.. LOL
had lots of fun...
hakim and his fren was like trying to match up to us in drinking...
oh and joanne was telling them bout wad happen to me last time when i first came eski and all...
well it was those little things that makes them remember me so well..
love them all =)
so we drink and drink till seh...
but i ahd to control..
i got a test today..
but then still had quite alot..
then beside drinking we did alot of things =P
then after that we head back took a cab wif hakim and his fren...
and samuel that bugger.. at first say come my place...
then after then half way ask taxi stop he wanna go home LOL
went home and was too tired to study...
slpt till this morning...

woke up had breakfast wif parent.. then theyn send me to sch...
well today lab test was pretty okie memorise most of it...
but omg... the last part i totally did wrongly juz becoz i read wrongly..
by the time i found out... i already erase start and reloaded the router...
zzz
omg!!!!!i'm so useless!!!
really fel like slapping myself...
haiz...

after sch... nothing much to do... went to meet up wif sam and hakim they all... they were gonna meet qh go play pool..
but then they overshot the time at clementi...
they all dota addicts.. LOL
then had dinner wif them.. then i head home...
overall feeling rather neutrel today...
juz putting all my problems and tots one side...

hmmm well theres something troubling me though...
i really wanna noe... honestly do i look that fat?
why do people always say things bout my size and all...
well though it may juz be a joke but sometimes it really hurts peoples feelings.. especially when it comes from people who ya dun expec they would say such a thing...
i'm trying so darn hard to lose it...
been losing it since pri sch...
and i finally tot i had some progress and now this...
well it kinda takes away ur already shattered self confidence...
its like u already feel like crap and now its juz making it worst..
useless enuff and now fat..
so wad am i good for now?
well people say things bout me i always physically take it as a joke and always tells myself.. that they dun eman it... but sometimes.. it really juz hits ya...

haiz... besides that...
recently i dunno why but alot of my close frens aren't contactin me and all..
even my bro... i mean i noe his going thru some problems.. but he always tells me...
hides nothing...
but why now different...
then some of my close frens... doesn't talk to me no more... doesn;t sms me no more..
then when sms came its either for help or sumtin...
am i really such an annoyance?
if i am my apology...
i didn;t mean to cause any trouble...
but the fact is i didn;t...
haiz.. maybe they are juz busy and all...
well at least i still got 1 or 2 whose still talking to me and all...
but if i;m really annoying ya or wad.. let me noe... dun juz cut off...
well even though everyday things are slowly sorted out...
but then now a days i everyday like really living a dead life..
i go sch.. all my close fren not there...
go for lunch from a group of 6 now left juz me and north
i really hate changing classs..but no choice...
then aftersch only like 1 or 2 stay the rest go home...
for me if i go home also alone liddat... if i dun also same ...
damn screw up...
some of my frens... juz becoz bf paranoid they like totally cut all relation wif me...
juz like i got a fren whom i noe... use to share things and all...
but then suddenly juz cut off for 2 years now and now suddenly replied me we'r like strangers..
i really hate that...
i used to haf a best fren, a childhood fren...
well u noe... i live and grow up among sisters..
and this guy feels like my blood brother... kinda feeling...
but then i had to leave the place./.. it was a day care centre
and juz 1 year...
he suddenly change number and moved house...
and i wasn;t even told... be4 that i always called him and keep in contact and all...
but it juz gone like that...
3-4 years later..
i saw him in some NCC event...
and well we'r like stranger now... more like no longer frens...
its juz damn depressing...
maybe i juz deserve it...
soon everyone around me will juz disappear and i'll juz be the same useless fat guy living my days away alone...when i say alone i dun mean physically...
well i noe i used to be a really irritating childish idoitic kid.. and all that...
but i changed so much from it...
i achieved things that people will be proud of... but even though they no longer care bout it anyway..
i remember she used to say that i need lose weight, i need to work hard, and all that...
i always keep that in mind... now i reach that stage and shes no longer even beside me...
i guess a leopard cant change its spot...
i'll always be that dreadful waste of gene....
i'll always be...a nobody...
juz becoz i did some big mistake that i shldn't haf... i haf to live wif it for the rest of my life...
feeling guilty...
zzz nvm its 2 different things i shldn;t relate them together..
anyway... to anyone who read this... pls rememebr... think thru be4 ya do sumtin and dun live life to regret it.. even though it might be okie ya say.. but soemtimes to the person who did it..
its not...
ya will haf to face the consequences...
i pray one day i'll be free off this guilt...
this guilt that i cant tell no one of...
i can only accept it silently myself...

i guess i shld end here...
logging...
william

9:59 AM