-i'm.SO.miss-understood. -shikayeproductions.

Sigh....
navigations are the words.
This is my own space to let it out. especially when theres no one to talk to that true understands or try to understand me.

Sunday, January 20, 2008

once again back here in my cosy little corner of my room...
updating to my little blog here who truely noes wad i'm saying...
even though its not a living thing... but juz talking to in using my head and my hands juz makes me feel a alot better with everything in me..

well nothing much happen today.. went out to meet cte and dalton... around 3 bahx.. then wait...wait... wait... wait....then dalton arrived..
till bout 4 plus when we went to meet zx...
then head down to javier's mums wake...
well in situation like this.. i hope his coping it well...though outside he looks okie..
anyway... take care...
after that.. dalton decided to watch cloverfield...
well overall... its like okie.. but the ending is like zzz wth...
is like documentry of someone who film the entire monster attack on new york city..
well some scene was funny.. some was well saddening...
but i wouldnl't recommend the show..

then head home...
honestly i dun wanna go home... i dunno...
i juz feel like sitting out there... doing nothing staring into the nitesky..
maybe see the sunrise... or sumtin...
but no choice tml got labtest.. though i prepare le... i still need prepare the labtest for tuesday...
so i guess i wont be slping tonite.. =P
shall lock myself in my room lights off... wif juz a small tablelamp to company me thru the nite...
well tell ya the truth that small little table lamp makes the whole ambience very peaceful...
well while at javiers place...
zx, cte and dalton was talking bout gals.. and well bout going after them finding the rite one.. and all that...
and well found out someone once told zx he was worried he cant find the one... and it kinda came from someone i didn;t expect to say that...
hmmm well even last nite my fren wask talking to me bout ck...
bout him being unhappy bout doing so much for the gal he likes but gets nothing in return...
well hoenstly speaking.. i too worry bout not finding the one...
but i worry more bout finding it.. and wrong...
honestly it doesn;t matter anymore...
i shld juz give up on all this...
once i believed so much into it gave it everything...
and well its now ripped out of me and its lost...
doubt i;ll find it back...

why do people think so much bout it...
why be so materialistic bout things...
ya say ya do so much for the someone..
and u expect returns... so are u saying shes only worth those things?
and juz becoz u worried bout not finding it...
u become desperate bout it...
i mean i understand it really feels good to haf someone who cares and loves ya alot...
the tot that ur on somebodys mind...
the fact that u haf someone to turn to...
and all that...
but i guess this kind of things cant be forced...

i yearn for that too..
but something tells me i wont find it...
found it once.. and well its lost... i guess i didn;t cherish it enuff...
some things juz shldn;t be done.. even though some might say its alrite...
i took a vow nv to do it.. but i did.... almost did... heck its still considered...
and guess wad till now it haunts me...
even though naturally its alrite.. but its juz not rite...
i'll haf to live wif this the rest of my life...
no one can noe or understand this guilty feeling..
thus i consider my self unworthy for anyone..
there are definately better guys out there...
i guess its true some things once done stays wif ya thru out ur life..

so to all my guy frens out there... dun rush into these things... dun rush into relationship...
love is sumtin thats not an object... not sumtin ya can define or learn...
wad is love?
i wan to noe that too..

why do people our age yearn for it.?
maybe its juz a nature thingy?

well to those whos in it... take care and cherish wad u haf..
hahaz...

ya noe... thinking back... i'm not who i once believed i was...
i'm a nobody now..
even i myself...dun noe who i am...
me a gentlemen... after wad i did last time.. its no longer true...
so who am i?

hahaz...
i think i'll stop here... anymore i'll really feel damn depress...
dun mind me... i'm juz seeking attention here lalalalala

think i'll go for a few glass be4 i get back to studying...
ever haf this feeling u were meant for sumtin great... but things seems to be otherwise...

...

wad am i saying... hahaz nvm...
hmmm okok lets juz stop talking bout that...

anyway today is my fren jf birthday...
HAPPY BIRTHDAY!!!!
NOE THAT THERES SOMEONE WHO REMEMBERS =P
hope ya haf a nice day...

logging william...
sorting my tots out...is wad i wan, really wad i wan...
i really hate it when somethings juz gets me thinking of all this things...
then it always ends up at a point where things juz becomes worst...
cant slp... then whole head juz full of regrets...full of things... tots...
lol hmmm maybe wad my fren said was rite.. the less i speak of it the less i;ll think of it... the less i think the less i feel...
omg juz kill me....
i'm such a troublesome one..
i hate it when people around me are troubled... the people i care about..
then they juz treat me like an outsider...
fine i am one...they always say in their mouth that i'm a trustworthy person... a good fren...
but then almost everything is juz mere words...
out of say 10 only liek 2 truely meant wad they say...
oh well.. having a few true frens beat having many hi-bye frens...

zzz juz getting the bulk of it out makes me feel better already...
dun worry bout me i'm fine...
i'm always fine de..
hahaz...

william

9:10 AM