-i'm.SO.miss-understood. -shikayeproductions.

Sigh....
navigations are the words.
This is my own space to let it out. especially when theres no one to talk to that true understands or try to understand me.

Friday, January 04, 2008

well back to post again...
once again... no surprise... i'm awake at 3.34am
zzz i'm gonna die soon if i continue like this...
but cant slp not tired...
mentally not tired.. but i think my body is dieng already,.,.
my eyes like getting worst...
everything like crap now... especially my back zzz
wah sian man... wah like that... i really hate it...hate my back...hate myself..
i always try to push myself... even physically... but the pain as it builds up is excruciating..
zzz

anyway
heres a little bout today...
nothing much... till evening...
went to meet my cca people and did an official AGM...
personally its more like a moment to embarrass myself...
okie it started off wif... a little sudden speech...
i didn't noe i need to talk... so kinda crapped sumtin up...
then OMG they made me do skid or act...
they demand i strip my shirt...
and act that mocca advert...
omg so humiliating...
well then came my vice pred...
his was topless and zhan ma pu beside this pics of 3 balls(big balls...gold ball, tennis ball and planet earth), one hand point to it and one to hsi own private(of coz wif pants on)

then they did a short... ceremony to hand over this sword passed down from be4 to the nextt pred..
and omg they wan all of us topless again...
CAN U IMAGINE TOPLESS IN MARINA SQUARE...well its at one spot wif no one i guess..
said some corny things and swing this sword at my next pred andpass him so on and forth...
after that he talked about his plans for the club...
honestly his very promising...
looking at him made me think... wad a damn failure i was...
i shldn't even haf taken the spot..
nvm that...

then went back...

honestly i was feeling abit sian...screwed up.... wanted to hang outside but i guess everyone was busy...
so off i went home...
tml will be a long day... first 7am at bishan...meet my cca people do some photo shoot
then evening meeting some frens drink and club...well countless times.. i really feel like juz drinking myself to slp and too tired to think anything... but kept reminding myself something a special fren of mine said...
well its true... cant drown sorrow wif alcohol... its waste of alcohol...
i remembered telling that to people...
but now i'm doing it...
another example of how useless and pathetic i am...
nvm...

try to think positive =)
but almost every positive things is followed by something negative...
juz keep myself occupied...
well talking bout that...
couldn;t slp so i went to do some work out...
pull up and all that...
then cycle in my mums room...
listening to songs...
it kinda made me rememebr of some thigns...
those things made me cycle even faster and longer...
completed 15km...in 30 min... burned 350 calories... average heartrate 160-170
one song in particular can give a little insight to how i felt regarding her...
"so sick of love song"

well okok lets not talk bout those...
think positive think positive...

OMG all the song i listening now like damn emo lah... but nice... =P all old song...my dad intro de..
hmmm ya all shld give old song a shot...
its more meaningful too

been trying to control how i feel bout things lately...
well i guess i been doing it for a long time... juz inside feels the same...
people who noes me by looking at me only see me as a person who smile smile laugh laugh...
but only some who talks to me...who actuclly give a tot bout me...noes wad i'm going thru....
honestly i'm damn glad at least i haf this few people who noes me and well at least care bah...rather then me being a tools to them...
few? i think more like less then that bahx...

well i can get along wif almost everyone... willling to help everyone...
but is it the same the other way round...
people ask me would i give mylife to my bro arif...
i would say i would...
whether he does the same for me or not... it doesn't matter...
it goes to show how much he meant to me....
beside him... a few of my frens,... i would also give my life, okie lah...dun so emo... hmmm give my full support and help anytime and anywhere...as long as i can help... i would do so...
even if i cant... i'll think of sumtin...
i wont allow people i care about to suffer be it physical or emotional or anything...
okie enuff bout that... else people will think i wanna attention seek or wad liao...

well other things... i had a nitemare yesterday(my first slp in 3 days...) and well she was there as well... and kinda stoopid but i was dieing... (in the stoopidest way ever....watch alien and u'll noe)
ya noe everytime i dreamt bout her... it felt so real...
arghh... why am i even talking bout her...
i shld forget her...

hmmm okok nvm i'm beginning to talk rot...
logging,...

william
take care my frens...one day in the future i might make a decision to go somewhere for a long time and might not return....well not that it'll make much of a difference to anyone... but still i really hope i dun make that decision...

11:33 AM