-i'm.SO.miss-understood. -shikayeproductions.

Sigh....
navigations are the words.
This is my own space to let it out. especially when theres no one to talk to that true understands or try to understand me.

Sunday, February 10, 2008

back to blog once again...
today did nothing much basically...
juz some studying and well entertain some visitor.
i got exams up in 2 weeks and well i told myself i will get the revision done by 1st week...
opened my book read and read...
theory after theory..
drilling my brains..
feeling damn stressed out..
watched some video..
movies and documentry..
not porn..
well honestly.. not that i haf too much time..
its juz i'm not in the best of mood at the moment..
had a little disagreement wif my dad well though small.. but it really made me wonder some things..
and no i dun hate him or wad..
everyone has their flaws..
its juz a moment thing..
and it juz add to the other things and well it juz get worst i guess...

sometimes why cant people accept the fact that theres some things they dun noe..
some things they need to update..?
or that some others are a little ahead of them in a certain area of expertise?
sometimes it juz made the person who spend the time to learn these things feels like a joke....
so fine they wan to do it their way i got nothing to say as well..
suggest a more cost effective efficient way and they look at u like "its not wad u think" or their idea are better..
well i cant say its not..
but then well u noe me..
i always try to be logical in thinking and well thinking thru and implementing the most efficient way i think possible... at least down to every details..
if ur gonna be better.. u got to prove it or prove me wrong..
juz cant stand it when people juz treat u like an idiot..
fine.. i was an idiot.. i am an idiot.. i always will be...
zz

besides that..
seriously i think.. everything around me can really make do without me..
it makes no difference..
u try to be there for people they give u the fuk off pls.. kinda feeling..
u leave them be.. and well they dun even bother bout u..
they find someone more important to them in their life, or so they think..
they suddenly silent u out..
why do i try so hard to be there for everyone but then who actuclly appreciates it?
u noe they go thru a tough time,. u try to ease they burden and well wad u get?
not that i expect any returns... but then at least... nvm....who gives a damn..
u treasure a frenship from long ago and wad its worth to them?
nothing..

also..
something i really dun get it...
why do people when they get together
all they talked about is how special each of them are..
and as time past..
it become how childish each of them are...
how they how that..
all the small quarrel..
all the small things..
wad happen to all that shes all i ever need..
why cant people juz appreciate the company they recieve.. the emotional relief of noeing ur in someones mind always..
first they start wif all the sweet things.. they they quarrel bout all the crap things and next.. they get so darn upset bout the end thing..
why cant they juz give each other some space, some personal privacy, accept the other total who they are and not demand changes...(wads the point of accepting someone and getting them to change.. wont that make that a different person?) juz appreciate each other god damn it...
i always wanted someone special to be there for me..
u neo a special someone..
not that i will desperately look for her..
juz someone special to be in ur life.. be there for u support u, thru thick and thin..
i dunno how to explain but i think u noe wad i mean...
the person i cared and think about so much.. shattered everything i believed in..
why is it so darn unfair?
i nv cheated on her, i try to give everything i could...
but then in the end, i had to go thru the things..everything i tot wont happen to me..
and worst.. after all and i didn;t ditch her.. i tot to myself there muz be a proper explanation..
and guess wad i got ditched in the end..
laugh all u want..
but still if only i could juz see her again..
so people.. cherish wad u haf and not play around wif it and regret and whin after that..
and dun suffer thru wad u think is true love.. if its true u nv haf to suffer for it...
ah screwed.. like anyone will listen...bleah... i;m juz another heartbrokened soul...thats probably wad people think...

even frens.. who are true and who are not.. they always say they are there for u.. but how many actuclly are?
they say do to others wad u wan others to do to u...
i tell u juz do wad u think is the rite thing to do.., and dun expect anything in return
for not everyone u helped is a true fren who would do the same..
they may not say it..
but then deep down inside how much are u worth to them?
once they dun see u ur not in their life anymore till u looked them up or contact them again..
would they even remember u exist?

language is a tool of deception..
filled wif lies and only some are true..
so why do i try so hard to cling on to a belief that even i myself now feel is a lie..
a priciple that has already died in history..
wad crap is being a gentlemen, being a nice person, a true fren, being there for people..
who actuclly appreciate it? some will... most wont..
they only remember it a moment and next thign ur a thing of the past.. a total stranger...
try so hard to hold the limited circle of frens and in the end they found other importance in life and disappear..
forget it.. i'm juz crapping...vanting my childish annoying anger... jealousy, hate..

i juz feel damn lost alrite... wad am i here for, wad am i to do, to say.. to act..
juz wanna find a place i belong...
and not be that someone extra in peoples life, where anytime they can juz turn u off...
i hardly found a place of myown beside in my own dark room where time feels like it stops..
no daylight, no cover of the nite, juz a dull dark room of myown..
many time people give up me, someone who tried to be a good fren.. juz a freaking fren..
juz becoz someone else think otherwise of me..
all u !@#ing paranoid guys out there... if ur so not confident of urself then juz shut up and disappear.. this worlds change...its not wad it was, not wad it will be.. its an alien nation..

someone, anyone.. pls juz convince me all this is not wad i think...
i'm losing myself...searching for a place i belong..
zzz haiz.. i;m juz too darn childish.. but i cant help it...
think wad u like i'm too tired to care..

zzz
stuyding my heads off...
william..

pls someone juz let me noe i'm not juz a nobody...that i'm not.... aigh nvm.. it juz makes it worst...
wad if its a lie.. wad if.. juz sick of it...

10:43 AM