-i'm.SO.miss-understood. -shikayeproductions.
Sigh....
navigations are the words.
This is my own space to let it out. especially when theres no one to talk to that true understands or try to understand me.
+ Cheng Wee Chuan William
+ Yu Neng Primary School
+ Bedok South Secondary School
+ Ngee Ann Polytechnic
+ Republic of Singapore Navy
+ zazooosg@hotmail.com
+ 08/10/1989
+ Libra
Sunday, March 30, 2008
update, haben been blogging like for ages,
shall quickly brief thru the week...
well the week started wif monday....
works boring, then afterwork.. did i go anywhere?
cant really remember tuesday bout the same i guess,
dunno was it tuesday or monday i went chinatown wif kanwei and norvin, eat.
then wed also nothing much i guess then thursday
i went down to acsi to do some configuring...
then after work meet up wif pp they all,
then after that, nor,yw,wake and ly went back by train i took bus wif pp,
went to douby ghaut, jason was there, pp went to find him, while i did a little surprise visit to wenqi at her working place, LOL
it was damn funny, i walk to her shop she didn;t notice, i sneak up lean at the counter she look up tio shock hahaz... cant forget the look on her face LOL
company her wait for bus then was gonna go home, but went to find jason instead,
then friday, after work, went clark quey,
meet up wif nor,yw,wake,ly and wenqi for dinner...
then slack around the river side till 11 plus
sat early mornign went to meet my ninjado group go sentosa,
lol got sunburnt...
had fun and all...
then was going back they drove to cathay...
since i was they i tot i pop by =P
see wenqi at her work place again.. =P lol well i got time to burn i guess..
then went down meet my bro at bugis, met arif, ben,javier, derrick and samuel.
they go for dinenr then shisha,
then went to play pool...
then went back..
honestly was damn glad to be home,
was feeling really terrible...
not in the best of mood or health lately...
been like sick...but then its not stopping me from going out wif my frens and all...
nothing much i guess...juz fever, saw throat, cough, flu and cold, headaches..
feels kinda terrible though...
mood wise, well nvm well tok bout that later...
that about it i guess..
as fopr today.. slack at home rest, then afternoon went to meet xan and ck for movie at my hosue nearby...
watch the bucket list..
seriously, GO watch it...
its worth the money...
i'm glad i did...its very meaningful...
tells us that life is indeed really short.. make the ebst of it...
i think i shld haf a bucket list myself...
though i;m not gonna die juz yet.. but who noes...
i think i will go buy or download the show...
hmmm well got feelings and tot to write but at the same time dun feel like writing zzz
its sumtin like u wann to find people to talk but u dun feel like sayign anything...
zzz
nvm logging
william....
3:04 AM
Tuesday, March 25, 2008
juz deleted a whole chunk of wad i wrote...
dun feel like i shld write it out...
nvm i guess i shld not blog today...
logging william
9:12 AM
Sunday, March 23, 2008
Update 2...
back from lunch...
well i shall not go into all those PC thingy again...
honestly feeling abit unwell...
think i'm running a fever...
feeling abit feverish...slight headaches and all..
zzz
oh well the days gonna end in bout 3 and half hour le
nothing to do juz tagging and more tagging...
well nvm dun feel like writing anymore things... will update again when i feel like it...
logging
william
10:43 PM
<<<>>>
Well technically be4 i go on... the thing flooding my mind now is reagarding my PC...
lol i saw a good offer on the internet, a 2nd hand leadtek 8800GTX 768mb....
selling at 520 sg dollar...
damn tempted to buy... but still the price is abit high to juz buy like that.. and i actuclly wonder if i got enuff power to support it...
hmmm nvm been doing research for the past few hour...
since nothing to do also..
well somethings i found and possible things i can do...
1st... HECK juz buy and fit it in and think later...
2nd... consider shld i wait awhile more and get a 9XXX series...
but then this opstion got its problem.. such as different PCIe slots..it uses PCIe 2.0
and if that is true haf to consider change mobo.. means more money.. means bad...
or i could drop my own card and get 2 of a lower end? hmm nah.. bad option...
damn tempted to get my hands on it...
i mean coz damn SLS... when the 9000 series came.. they wanna obselute the 8000 series beside the 8800GT...
well think about this... if i get.. i'll be like having half of my target rig le...
currently i'm using a ASUS striker extreme mobo(love this board) with a intel E6400 (2.13Ghz.. not as good... i shld try push it up to at least a 2.8 or change for a C2D 3.2Ghz.. or even a quad core... but then money is an issue) together wif this is a Leadtek 8800GTX 768mb...(love this card no matter wad people say...) together wif a 2 gig cosiar 667Mhz ram..(bad option.. shld haf got a 800Mhz de.. or juz get a HyperX....since my board can handle it) zzz with 320GB de HDD(i think need additional....
well my target is to achieve a same board, wif SLI 8800GTX, 2gig SLI RAM, wif additional 500GB hdd, C2D 3.2 or even a quad... but that would mean bigger PSU...
haiz if i was a rich kid hahaz...
a few things to take not for myself... time to cut up my casing.. need to do some mod to it...
well if i am indeed a rich kid...
i would haf gotten myself the same mobo.. or change for a Stiker II extreme... =P quad core extreme, with 3 8800ULTRA, 4 gig SLI ram, 1200watt SLI-ready PSU, 1 terabyte HDD and a fatality sound card... OMG if only... then i would use if a casing i saw yesterday at my grandma place.. zz can remember the name but damn well design but damn ex... then put it wif 2 32 inch LCD hmmm heck if i that rich i wan 2 plasma tv to it liao hahaz hmmm nono make that 4!!
okok i got too far got tooo far...
back to earth... money is still an issue....
i got bills to pay, driving to learn, things to buy...
cant juz spend like that...
talking bout that KNN my bills not paid for my HP... i told my parent like many many time...
my hp bills juz gimme...
dun wan then everytime liddat...
haiz.. nvm...
well beside that...
ws kinda thinking bout sumtin....
i think i'll continue after lunch...
9:17 PM
Saturday, March 22, 2008
well back from my bros place...
was suppose to go book lesson for my driving but heck argh.. had other plans that came up..
its close to 4 am le and i kinda juz got home awhile ago...
and no i didn;t go chiong or wad...
technically i went to cityhall to get some suppliments i ordered..
then head down to eski to meet a fren of mine whom i really really haben seen in ages...
well we had some drinks.. chat wif the people there...
then went down to archipelago..
met long there =P opps i said i wanted to visit him for a long time now but haben.. but i will de.. there.. he treat us to a new beer that they made..
its really nice to catch up wif them and all..
after that shuhui aka eva, one of my most valued fren
she suggest we head to her place..
so yea i did...
guess wad we did there...
no nothing to get us in trouble hahaz..
went to watch drama wif her =P
till bout 3 when she gonna slp le then i went home... well had to cab i guess... no buss le... heng is from her place serangoon to my place aint really that far since got TPE...
juz head down to hougang and TPE down...
thats about it.. i guess.. hahaz my fren she damn cute loh.. she was talking on the phone while i continued watching tv.. =P she like got damn excited hahaz then we were watching
gong zhu siao mei
she was like saying she wan to be the gal int he show =P
me also i wan be the guy sia..
got looks got money... got skill hahaz
well one thing i rememeber clearly was on the way to her place..
took bus, listen to her mp3.. well her earpiece got problem(the rubber came off)
so technically iw as hearing her sing =P and i muz say shes got a really nice voice...
so yea hey ger jia you!! go do wad ya like.. if its tourism u wan.. go for it!!
well some things i came across today ..
oh yea i met eva de godbrother.. chris.. nice guy really nice to meet ya
then some things we talked about..
as usual got gf ? tat kinda question...
they were saying.. guys too nice.. no gal like.. i was kinda laughing there..
男人不坏女人不爱
how true is that?
seem like that though...
no point being a nice guy a good guy...
u juz get used in the end...
maybe javier was rite..
rather eat people then be eaten...
who actuclly cares about people who done them good?
who remembers the thigns u done for them the things u sacriface for them?
its human nature to remember the bad things...
so shld i hate myself for become who i am now..
someone who finally became nice.. and ended up not noeing who i am...
the things i do to make people know me appreciate me rememebr me.. but in the end.. do they?
nvm that hahaz
well i'm gonna try make a difference for myself...
first off.. is to kick off my new training regime... enuff bulking le.. now is to shred and become lean..
then also attitude wise haf to change...
i noe i dun really talk much to people de ..
weired thing is.. to some people i can like socialize non stop de.. buit some i cant even say anything...
zzz i got to learn to speak up and speak out...
stand out... if that means being an ass.. i'll be an ass... as long as it doesn;t go against my priciples..
finance wise.. well currently looking at it.. even be4 the months start i over spend le...
but then if i counted correctly this time.. i shld haf enuff and haben over spend..
hopefully i didn't count wrong this time...
take care people...
logging..
william
feeling shit and happy at the same time...
12:43 PM
Thursday, March 20, 2008
its friday... GOOD FRIDAY!!
so kinda typing this at home,
juz woke up, bout 1.30++pm liddat..
feeling kinda tired...
got home pretty late...
well yesterday after work, went to meet up wif the guys to go my fren de EC project thing..
be4 that i went over douby ghaut, drop by a frens working place =P
hahaz imagine suddenly walking into the shop, then she surprised look =P
well she end work bout 7 so i kinda had time to burn to i went to find her see see look look, talk abit
then after that company her to bustop then i head over to city hall...
well then at city hall, everyone was gathering up...
except for some...
one got lost and some kinda late....
anyway... well some of them kinda got on my nerves...
i think he actuclly dare say that to me...
well lucky him i was really in a good mood, after going over douby ghaut..
i didn;t bother bout him...
well dinner was okie =)
after that they went their seperate ways..
i ended up wif ck and ben, they wanted to head down to eski..
so i followed..
but didn;t drink much... serious okie juz tried gin tonic only...
then talk bout some things...
and wow...somethings really cant be told from the outlook...
but i shall not say it here...
kinda private affairs to the person...
;)
then after that went home in NR7...
it kinda pisses me off taking that bus...
first the damn driver like driving a freaking oven...
air con was like not even on de...
nvm.. once it gets squeezy.. it get really hot.. then some bugger sat beside me occupy so big space... and he was like another heater zzzz
oh well i forced open a window and survive the trip home...
reach home i slp till now =P
hmmm was a pretty exciting day.
hmmm later will be heading over my bros place for the nite..
i guess thats about it?
hahaz
logging
william
10:47 PM
Wednesday, March 19, 2008
Update... for wednesday and thursday of week 3 week of march... =P
well weds been a pretty exciting day in the office..
though wasn;t feelling very well..
but things work out fine.
got to try many new things...
more tagging, learned about Catalyst 6, the difference in CAT IOS, NATIVE IOS and HYBRID IOS. did some staging test, change parts of equipment, POST new equipments. and be4 the day end i went on-site again, this time to chevron... at raffles place.
well i tot i could go and then head home after that, however i was wrong.
i had to bring this make shift test equipment there and back to office be4 i go.
so far nvm that, went there i tot hmm why not.. learn something new, i mean like haf u ever seen a wireless strength test be4?
but to my horror...
OMG the client is really nv erm how shld i put it? "smart"?
i first realise something was wrong when we took a lift to the 9th floor and take the stairs down...
went there OMG the office wasn;t even up..
everything is like in the making...
had to wear helmet to go in as well..
but oh well since they wan it.. we test it..
setup and walk around wif a laptop and record readings.
then zzz drag till like 6 plus.
after that had to cab back office in PEAK HOUR!
zzz
after work i head down to douby ghaut to meet my classmates.
=) really glad to see everyone again hahaz, well we seem to be getting closer in this attachment and some other things...
so far got jason, pp, norvin,yw, wake , ly, wq and myself, follow by si jia
we walked around and had dinner at this shop.. was it dao jui mian mian or mian mian jui dao?
=P
dinner was rather nice.. really enjoyed all the company and the food was pretty okie i guess...
norvin had a type of noodle called yi tiao mian LOL really is 1 long strand
after dinner we went to watch movie, RULE#1, sadly wq didn;t join us..
but oh well if its not her type of movie then dun force her loh =P theres always next time.
well the movie was okie i guess not really scary but kinda sad...
feels kinda unfair to the main character but well life is like that i guess...
but really this show is like sad ending loh...
after movie went home...
at home chat wif some frens and well was talking bout some things, and really made me wonder..
well i guess in different peoples eye they see others differently.. every actions ahas a different meaning to different people. hmmm juz like how i;m hated by some people who i think dun really noe me, but i'm okie with others..
well take care ya, dun think too much bout all this le, i'm sure they all wanted ya to be happy de but juz maybe the way they think is different from the way ya think ?
well doesn;t matter wad others feel bout u, juz noe that theres people out there who really cares bout u, ya might not realise. take care ya..
hmm anyway enuff bout yesterday le, i enjoyed myself hope ya did as well =)
hmm today.. gonna be a very rush and a very slack day...
rush becoz most delivery is on monday and all not done tagging...
slack becoz we cant do no tagging...they doing stock check...
zzz heard its gonna take awhile... die... how?
anyway later will be meeting up wif the rest of them and go for my frens de shtec de project...
hmmmmaybe afterwork i shall head somewhere first ;)
so may be late a little...
but will be there.
logging william
7:59 PM
Tuesday, March 18, 2008
well today not exectly in the best of moods...
once again.. i felt kinda hmmm how shld i put it? alone?
like that kinda i'm not up to everyones expectation around me kinda feeling..
like everyone looks at me with their opinion and all...
honestly i really like to juz get in close to noe people and all..
but juz someth=imes ya looka t them.. and ya juz feel like wads this person thinking of me...
like i;m below them or sumtin...
am i?
hmmmm... i noe i'm not..
juz a feeling bahx...
kinda like wad i say to my fren..
its like a fear...
something that happened be4, that kinda made an impact...
that the aftereffect still stays on...
hahaz i guess i haf to learn to overcome it...
well today in office i look into my windows messenger...
and well i got so many contacts but yet none or only some i could talk to....
some ya talk to them... they juz give u the i dun wanna talk to u feeling..
well i guess i'm the kind who needs to socialise..
i talk to people... though afraid that i'd be judge...
but i really dun like it when u made the effort to communicate.. and keeping in contact and the other person juz give u the kind of reply that make u dunno wad to say no more..
honestly i talk to people i'd think back bout the things we been thru.. u noe like cherish the moments... but then sometimes.. niot everyone is like that i guess..
oh well i guess different people react differently...
today did nothing much also...
learned abit bout ASA, and some stuff...
tml will got alot of thigns to do...
and i expect alot of onsite to come
oh well.. we'll see how tml bahx... i;m sure i;d feel alot better
and well dun worry.. i;m not upset or wad .. these are juz some things i feel bahx.. then i juz write them out to get them out of my head...
=) gonna slp soon... surprise? hahaz
hmmm yesterday my dear fren left for china.. and today i already missed her... lol cant sms her or wad hmmm i wonder hows she doing hahaz...
i guess i better get going now.. nothing much also...
logging,
william
...juz be urself...
8:09 AM
Monday, March 17, 2008
a little more update bout today...
well for the rest of the day.. kinda did nothing...
learned from GC that the SP de stock didn;t tally wif the warrenty sticker...
opps
he had to retag the whole 200 boxes...
psps....
knock off and wanted to stay out abit maybe go find fren or wad btu then in the end decided to went home...
tml is my granny de birthday, so i guess after work i'll head home straight...
weds, currently the plan is to go watch a movie, hmmm everyones going... well except one..
hahaz psychoing her to go =p go lah go lah!!!! lol oh well tml see how...
though it'll be nice if the whole group was there...
thursday, going for my fren de project thing 5 course meal de dinner...
looking forward...
friday HOLIDAYYY!!!!!!
lol currently... kinda missing my fren who juz fly oversea for the enxt 5 months...
lol no more supper and late nite dessert liao...
hopefully with her away i still can find people to talk =p
felt bad couldn;t send her off today...
well not that i needed to be there but then juz i feel bad lah... close fren going off so far and long...
hahaz
hmmm a little personal reflection...
confidence is harder to find back then juz say only...
but well i'm trying... in time i'll find everything that i lost...
personally i kinda hate the feeling of being left suspended...
as in like hang in the middle of things bahx...
left untouch coz its sensitive or wad,...
or juz certain uncertainty..
i guess most people dun like that as welll...
but well i got to learn not to rush things.. for too fast it might ruin everything...
though i'm feeling alot better both mentally and emotionally...
theres still some doubts and fear...
all the wad if this and wad if that...
but in time i'm sure it'll all go away...
i guess patience is the key?
i've already waited so long.. wads awhile longer rite...
at the moment.. i'll haf to learn to be who i am, improve myself, and find myself back...
whether the end will be wad i wanted or not that doesn;t matter.. the thing is i try my best...
rite?
well i shldn't let my doubts and dears hold me back...
this is the challenge that i face... haf to elarn to overcome i guess...
confidence confidence confidence...
need to pick that up...
logging william....
9:52 AM
Sunday, March 16, 2008
another update after some long time again....
well lets see wad i need to update...
thursday, friday, sat... i shld skip sunday.... and of coz monday
well thursday nothing much actuclly...
kinda rot around and went to client place mount a cat 6 switch...
cut myself though....
zzz
beside that nothing much le
oh yea eveing i went to meet somefrens for dinner and drinks..
its really nice to see them all...
especially when on of them is leaving sg for 5 months le
well friday... went on site again.. this time wif norvin
we went to invensys...
somewhere around expo...
YES!!!!
so close!!
to where i live..
well got to woke up late, then go there slowly reconfigured the IP phones
got like 600+ to do..
took one whole day =P
but we manage to finish rather early too
late afternoon liddat...
then i kinda went out after that...
after work we went expo there walk then eat milan la mian
met pp there...
sat and chat there abit then i went off le...
went home change and all..
then met up wif mich, ben, ck and mich bf
went zouk..
they having a cleo de event....
some 50 most eligible bachelor event
i was rather nice.. gals going wild over those guys...
LOL and wow those are really sumtin
i mean they haf the looks the brains and they got music talents as well =P
hmmm target next year become number 51 and half... LOL
51 is my fren ck.. and why half?
well i'm half the size of number 51 mah... LOL
omg hope he not reading this...
=P
after that ck kinda con us go zouk...
i remember is be4 11pm 6 dollar..
but turn out after is 25...
zzzz
sian 1/2
but okie lah tiring but did enjoy myself a little...
well i haf to rite..seeing the rest of them having so much fun...
it'll be a let down if i say i wnana go home...
well got home bout 6 plus...
then later 7 plus 8 woke up le prepare then head down harbour front...
suppose meet my poly frens at 10.30...
but by 11 only lik 3 of us there LOL
but oh well later on everyone reached...
it was fun... played volley ball..
swim and kinda tanned...
well i'm glad they all made it..=)
we shld haf more outing tgt or sumtin..
after that we went suntec food fair..
then had chocolate fondue...
NORVIN WHERES THE CHEESE FONDUE U PORMISED?
lol
then after that went home le while pp and jason went to watch movie...
sunday was rather bored...
then here comes monday...
well monday not end yet..
but then... today is the day my dear fren leaving sg for china for her study trip...
well gonna miss her =P
no more supper or dessert le...
sad i couldn;t go send her off....
but i'll be awaiting her retun..
take good care of urself alrite...
shall update further...
now some personal tots..
well i read up my frens blog and i kinda agree wad he says and well i noe wad his saying as well =P
well lets hope things end the way we wished bahx =)
shall not give up....
done it once shall nv do it again...
i'm pretty confident that wad i am now i am better then be4...
and wad i am in the future will be even better...
logging
william
pray day and note for ideal ending... =P hooked on the phrase liao...
11:05 PM
Wednesday, March 12, 2008
once again updates...
this time is more about the past few days bahx say yesterday?
technically yesterday we in office had nothing much to do except tagging...
and learned some interesting thing bout hardware upgrades and all that..
after work we kinda was suppose to meet jason and group to sing...
but then there was a misunderstanding somewhere...
and in the end we watched leap year(we as in me, north, wake, liying, and yingwei)
it was a pretty nice show... okie i would say, honestly one of the better ones of the local movies..
though the sequence abit expected and the ending was alaos expected...
but well i would recommend people who are really erm desperate or upset wif love to watch it...
theres some piloshophy in it that i think would benefit...
and lots of qouatation from people...
talking bout that, i read sumtin in a mag that if u wan to develop ur brain or simply put, exercise the brain.... they recommend reading shakespears works..
this is because, in his works or in his words, things aint juz simple as in wads is said and understood..
rather it requires ur brain to work in reverse to understand the meaning of the sentence..
so with that i'm pretty interested to try my hands of some..
some books i'm actuclly looking forward to read, shakespears works, romance of the three kingdom, cisco lan switching(my manager recommend it saying 20% of it can help u last at least 5 years in the industry...juz curious) and some other....
okok anyway back to yesterday...
afterthe movie, we kinda meet up wif jason and pp to head down to pay a surprise visit to wenqi at her working place..
well i bet shes surprise to see us...
company her do closing then we head for a dinner...
well that kinda brings me to my next topic but i sahll come back to this in a while...
after dinner i took a bus and went down to siglap to meet my dear fren and javier =P
well comapny them for dinner, and we kinda chat...
and well another was there.. which kinda makes the place a rather tense enviroment... but wad the heckk...
ya cna look all ya wan.. we do wad we like when we like and as the way we like it,..
for me... i'm pretty neutrel to everyone... but then.. even though some things people do tat really i cant stand it.. i wont openly do anything...
but unlike some people...
or peoples i shld say... kinda reminded me of another..
who say one thing and do another...
well that also kinda link to my topic i wanna talk about...
well i'm gonna talk bout a very general but complex yet simple thing call love...
the many different face of it...
well to start off...
to a certain someone dunno if u are reading...
well.. saying isin't the thing to do... and worst forcing is not either...
how can u demand anothers love and deny them of their own love for ur own selfish sake?
all u think about is u love her u need her, but ever tot about whether is that the same for her/?
u say u can give everything, but can u?
who are u to say?
u cant handle urself and u want to take care of others?
please consider the fact that love is 2 person thing
not juz u only...
u may or may not haf realise it...
but still some things u do... to u it may be a show of affection and all... but to the other it may be a very offending actions....
and seriously if u not realise, wad u do can land u in jail...
and one more thing to add...
c'mon 2 years inside aint something to be sad about... it juz goes to show ur true face...
so pls consider this...
u are not the bf u haf no rite to demand that either...
honestly how much do u noe bout her?
so please think thru this one sided feeling of urs and please stop freaking haress her life like the way u do it now... ever wonder why ya feel shes being different.? honestly is she different or haf u changed.. changed to someone who shes starting to grow to detest?
well do urself a favour and wake up tom reality...
the way u do things... well it worries the people around her, and it lowers the standing u haf in others.
to my dear fren, please take good care of urself and not let this impact ya too much... its a long time already and its about time it concluded...
lastly rest!!!!! omg u starting to zombie liao....
one more thing... TV argh TV......
ya noe it really worries me sia seeing ya liddat....
understand how ya feel and everything, been there be4...
but be strong gal, ya haf a bunch of frens who really thinks and care about u =)
so dun ya feelalone alrite..
i noe currently u haf many many unanswered question, why this and that...
but well i guess we cant answer for ya, leasti noe i cant and i dun haf that rite...
but we'r here to walk with u thru this dark(least i consider that in this case) time..
giving u the support u may or may not need to help u find the answers to all ur question.
well i shall not ask/force/demand tat u muz break up or wad though that is really i feel the rite thing to do... but still u haf to decide for urself... and dun make a decision u will regret later on in the future... leave no space for regrets.
personally my own view is... well i guess u already noe from my sms.
since he dun cherish u(even though he says he does) dun safekeep the trust u place upon him,
abuse ur the faith u place in him and abuse the people u cared about around u... i feel ya deserve someone better...and that he dun deserve someone like urself...
u are a very special person, unique in ur ways(notice that since i first noe ya, and till noe i hardly find any similar)
it is very unfair to ya that this haf to happen... happen to someone as innocent, cheerful, like urself...
but be strong gal... take it as a learning jouney..
and last of all be happy always...
to the him in this situation, if u ever come here i suppose...
well u may not haf liked me, trust me neither haf i maybe due to some misunderstanding somewhere... i noe u called me names behind my back and all....
and well for the first time.. i shall stay very calm in this...
well honestly then we may haf our quarrels and all... but when that all got settled... trust me i wasn;t really happy bout it as in the ending.... but still i tot u were indeed better... a better man...
and after like some times i really decided to give ya chance to proof urself, and not judge u like i did be4... even on that trip i really starting to think u were indeed better as in character and all that... but sadly i didn't noe wad happen then... honestly i didn;t noe alot of things then... even the fact that the whole 3 person thing was already settled....
even in recent even i really was neutrel to ya already...
but u.... u disappoint me... and honestly i really hate u for wad ya did...
so if u still haf some sens in u, go reflect thru ur own actions and honestly i'm sure u noe wad is needed now..u can give wad ever excuse u haf.. but wad is done is done... like i always said... DUN do sumtin that u noe u will regret... or did u not understand that the truth will be told one day?
honestly.... now... well dun think i'll ever change my idea of u anymore...u ruined ur own name by ur actions...
u can say wadever about me as u like i dun mind go ahead... but then... u think ur better off?
well we'll noe who has the last laugh bahx... people like u always think u haf everything can give everything but honestly wad do u haf?
personally myself... after all the things i gone thru... i haf build myself a career, a rather constant education, a rather strong future.... character wise... well i am who i am, people noe me as i am...
i dun haf to show faces of me... they noe wad kind of a person i am... not perfect but least i'm not as rotten....
so to anyone who thinks and say that they can give and provide wad others cant... pls think again... i meant people around our age...
we dun noe wad we haf or will haf...
even i myself dun consider that i haf much to give...after all the things i achieved...
so that concludes wad i wanted to say...
to the people who deserve it... take good care of yaself and be strong, be happy always...let go and let time heal ur hurt that u suffered and in due time the rite one will come(well to every it concerns, u noe who u are)
to the people who deserve nothing at all reflect, repent, u may not ever get acepted by the people again but least down the road in life u noe ur a changed man and rebuild ur own life...
dun destroy wad is already lost... rather... let go and let time bury the wrong doing that u did...
logging
william
a pretty long post i guess.....
5:51 PM
Tuesday, March 11, 2008
update once more...
well things beginning to pick up once more...
though i still feel kinda lost.. but lets juz try to maintain this...
been doing alot of thinking bout wad my fren told me...
well i guess its true that one haf to realise whos their real frens and whos juz a passerby in their life?
well i'll still be there and help those in need bah... but then if they really dun appreciate then so be it... theres a limit to ones chivalry...
well neither am i rdy to become wad i was last time.. dread....dreaded by people...
well currently mind still in a blank.. but well like wad wake say...
take the time to reflect loh...
i shld think where i wan to go...
wad i wan in my own life...
i cant life my life for people forever... coz they wont stay by me forever.. no matter how i wish they would...
i guess the first thing i shld learn to do...
is to catch enuff slp...
which i'm getting along pretty okie.. though still got nitemare and all but its subsiding..
next major thing i haf to find back is confidence...
i was once full of it.. till i gave it all away and lost it...
these will be the first 2 major thing i need to find back..
in addition... i guess i need to learn to be determine once again?
well i noe this all sound really err weird...
but well when u gave it all away or haf it ripped out of u...
u feel like u haf nothing left...even though scientifically it cant be proven...
ya really need to grow them back...
as for goals and dreams...
my dreams is still to fly to be a pilot.. though it seems like that will nv happen...
but well no matter...
wad i need to do now.. is to achieve my diploma first..
followed by when i enter the service wif the navy... i wan to get into OCS... i was told that i could try... i still stood a chance even though i;m tied down..
with that.. i hope to get a scholarship for uni...
career wise thats wad i currently aim for bah...
as for wad i wan in my life..
well it would be nice to find my special someone,
i'll prove to the person that i am someone who she could trust, depend and build a future with..
in the distant future.. to be a good father(thats if i ever find my half) to nurture my children as well as i can..,
learn from my mistakes and pass the knowledge on.. and not let them learn the way of life on their own in the cruel world.. well at least prepare them enuff?
well thats all still to early to say,...
to be a good fren,
a good bf,
a good husband,
a good father.
to be a good leader,
a good colleague,
a good employee or employer
well besides that.. i also really would like to change my physique ...
i got to drop my weight and fat percentage...
well knowledge and advice would be appreciate...if ya any pls dun hesitate to let me noe..
its a tough road to walk...
but i shall not give up...
its either i finish it or i die trying...
well i guess thats wad i wanna write today....
i shld get to slp....
wake up early wake up fresh tml...
loggin..
william...
tml will nv be a brighter day... however, it'll be an opportunity to do improve and do things better...
well really haf to thank my frens for believing in me true or not doesn;t matter...
i will try my best ya, kick my bad habits and reinstate myself back to who i was or even better who i will be..
hmmm side track...
something i learn today...
bout CISCO CSS 11500 series swtich...
CSS = content service switch
well rather then the usual mac address, this is more of a layer 4-7 device i think..
uses IP address and port(:___)
shall read up more and write in my report =)
good nite people to those whom i haben seen a long time.. really miss ya all and always thinking bout ya all =)
9:03 AM
Sunday, March 09, 2008
update update
tmls monday again...
hope tml working will be a fine one
anyway this few days been a mess a serious mess...
its juz problems after problems...
messed up i'd say...
everything juz crash at the same time...
it always liddat...
anyway... well i guess the truth is out...
we'll see how things proceed bahx...
honestly i dunno wad to say or think or feel also le
well the peak of everything was yesterday...
well got lectured by a fren... i can roughly remember bahx...
didnt really wanna hear it de... but he insisted...glad he did anyway..
plus zzz taking vodka by the shot liddat is really bad for the throat zzz
kaoz...
well was feeling really terrible... till a point i stone thru the nite till my dear fren knock off work and talk to me over the phone while on her way back... well
thx
zzz
well i guess i shld really handle things?
hmmm dunno how or where to begin.. but i think i shall begin wif slp...
i guess somethings about this world really is shit...
no matter how ya dun like it.. ya haf to be it...
not really happy or proud by it... but wad to do...
zzz dun wanna say much.. more like dunno how to say anything at all...
logging hahaz
dun worry no emo today.. not that i noe off... zzz
william
10:14 AM
Friday, March 07, 2008
shall skip the part about work and get stright to the going out...
after work met up wif some frens to hang out and celebrate frens birthday =)
well it was quite insane...
2 movies?
LOL but really loved the step up 2 =P
well also i did haf a little chat wif a fren bout some things... and really made me wonder some hings...
shall talk bout that later...
zzz on my way home i overshot my stop LOL
shiok rite...
welll a little tots...
hmmm maybe shes rite? i nv tried....
hmmm but wads the used....
zzz
sometimes is better not to noe...
better never to noe...
to think that i actuclly was in the dark about everything...
well got quite used to that le... so yea... wads the point...
its all mere history...
honestly i dunno wad to type rite now...
but my mind is going thru tons of things...
i guess i'm probably the surface only kinda thing eh?
i'm juz tired to bother bout anything le...
honestly everything i cared and valued seems not wad it is...
... nvm i;m not in the rite state of mind to blog now... or talk to anyone...
it feels like a warzone up there...
lost my sense of reason
wads the point of going the extra mile... for the people u valued and in the end ur juz a no body...
damn tired...
dun even noe wad i;m thinking, wad i wan, wad i feel...
zzz kaoz.. i think i juz go slp or juz lie down or sumtin....
logging...
william
not in a stable piece of mind...
i need sort my tots...
hmmm am i really that untrustworthy? doesn;t wad i cultivate and portray to be tell who and wad i am?
doesn;t anyone noe me at all?
i guess u juz cant ask for wad is not given to u...?
zzz having a headache again....
3:24 PM
Thursday, March 06, 2008
well last nite i slpt pretty late...
talking to frens bout some current situation problems our opinion and all that...
got be quite worked up...
then also talk to my dear fren on the phone =P
well come to think of it.. she seem to be the only fren i really talked on the phone LOL
feel honored rite?
well i shall save all the details there... its need to noe basis...
juz remember i;m always... we'r always here for ya de alrite..
and for heaven sake.. pls take care of ur health lah see u poor thing loh.. sick work, dun sick also work... sad also work... see u liddat. i also tio influence de okie hahaz... take care alrite...
and really from ur voice, ur message or even the way u talk can really tell alot about ya current state of mind =P hmmm i muz work on thsi skill
anyway...
the next morning..
DIE!
woke up late..
chiong cab down to ACSI/.//
sad all my money my dad gave gone liao
okok got there started work on the access points again...
got the hang of things le so moving faster le...
today i actuclly compkleted 70 of them.. out of 150
tml die die muz finish 80
i belief i can
target 30 min do 10...
hmmm in that sch i feelr ather alien LOL
everyone see u like alien sia...
then stuck in server room face all the racks and racks of servers and switches...
but today i kinda got a sight of how real network engineer works and all..
ACSI revamp their entire network
and u got like many company involve in the project
8:44 AM
Wednesday, March 05, 2008
Part 2 update on today...
well i didn't make delivery neither did i went SP
instead, i went to ACSI instead...
attach to this engineer anwar,
well at first zzz i felt abit left out they were like toking to themself in their own language..
while i juz follow, they sat and ate i juz sat and watch.. tehy discuss bout the client de project.. on another table LOL
zzz
but things improved afetr that..
went to ACSI, wow its damn big... and hmm tot it was a boys sch, why do i see gal in uniform as well?
really kinda like their uniform damn nice...
although i dunr eally like ACS...
lets juz say... related to my ex bah... some things... nvm best dun rbing it back up
anyway went to their server room..
and guess wad... well we got 150 wireless access point to configure zzzz
kaoz... i 2 hr finish 24 nia...
tml morning gonna go back there again...
hopefully tml can finish bahx
zzz else i'll be there friday again LOL
nah tml shld be can de.. i'll reach there bout 9...
talking bout that i better check how to get there later
well honestly attachment is pretty fun but the idea of waking up early everyday go office kinda sian... especially when ur like so tight on cash...
looking forward to april.. LOL well u noe why... heh
hmmm few reminders to self, please remem,ber collect money from those going on the 21st... coz i cant afford to pay first....
nvm i think i dun get to all this first...
wait later i stress up and cant slp
k lah thats about it =)
william
7:06 AM
Tuesday, March 04, 2008
Update 5th march
regarding 4th march and a little bout today.
Day 2 in IAP, Fujitsu Asia
report into office at around 8.30am,
continued wif tagging the equipments for delivery order, delivery order for singapore poly...
chances are they probably starting a course similar to wad i studying .
while tagging half way, was called to deliver a CD to a customer?
it was at 15 banoi road, got there...
it was rather ulu , at the end of jurong..
it was actuclly Keppal de shipyard,
everything was like huge there...
got there in a cab, got off went to change pass, followed by reception,
pass the things to the person and off i went back into office.
back, continued wif tagging then lunch...
after lunch tagging again, then our manager, mr you ann, a pretty nice guy i;d say..
gave us an interview bout our expectations, grade and all that...
ask things like wad we studying, wad marks we looking forward not. well of coz for me, the higher the better, theres no harm in achieving a better result if my performance allow me to...
he then lay out the challenges he set for us, 1st learn as much as we can and he'll put everything we learn into a hands on test...
2nd achieve a CCNA cert by end of the attachment...
well honestly i dunno how i am gonna do it but i'll try...
he encourage us to ask queastions and learn as much as we can..
really i feel this is a really nice place to work and get attach to...
hopefully i can live up to the their expectation and my results..
after work, went wif norvin to drink coffee,
talk bout some serious things...
then after i went home le,
he went to do his things..
well some things we talked about includ the recent things and events that happen..
well i really hope things get settled..
she really haf the rite to noe... but its unfair to her to get hurt...
shes juz pure innocence and deserve nothing like that...
haiz... the more i think the more sian i get...
other things include norvin de personal "mess"
well hopefully things work out as well...
please lah people dun stress so much bout all this alrite...
pls dun end up like me...
zzz
anyway thats bout the end of yesterday bahx
today got to work, POST a switch and learned some troubleshooting skill,
later either going to do delivery or following engineer go SP =P
either way i dun mind....
really feel like i'm not up to standards here... hoepfully i do well and impress them bahx..=)
well other things including my personal tots i shall udate tonite,
not convinient to write now, with norvin beside me and everyone else working...
logging...
william
take care people....
hopefully wad ya say is really wad ya think and feel.. and i relaly pray when the facts are out u'll react like u say...
4:51 PM
Monday, March 03, 2008
Day 1 at IAP....
Fujitsu Asia PTE LTD
SPBU Enterprise Network Integration Division...
well the day started wif me waking really early... more like nv really slping...was thinking bout some things...
well nvm that..
well i woke up prepare.. and wore my best i ever wore in my life so far...
everything went well...
went on to haf breakfast wif my parents and sibling.. send them to sch..
and off i went to work.. raffles place...
time strikes 9am..
and i was in the office...
and guess wad...
the person was so darn surprise to see me..
first we were really early...
2nd i was in the wrong place....
damn the sch.. gave me wrong info...
mine was suppose to be at 20 Science Park 2
zzzz nvm after sorting things out... of i went wif norvin....
honestly was pretty disappointed to noe that i got post away from raffles....
zzz
but oh well i reached the place and it wasn;t too bad....
looks really nice... juz darn ulu...
waited like darn long be4 we met up wif the HR...
Cindy..
shes a really nice person.. funny also... =) kinda lighten up the enviroment.. especially wif norvin around..... u noe that bugger...
nervous or wad.. start doing stupid stunt hahaz.. like practice his "song bank" my god everyword i say he can come up a song by any artist...
zzz
okok settle the administration... LOL lots of joke around...
and got to our DIVISION...
wow got my own desk.. and my very own name on it.. =) though it had nothign else...
got to see the director and all that even my seniors were there... as partime rather then intern....
then settle down...
got our own laptops... OMG i haf nv seen any laptop in any worst standard LOL
oh well can use can le...
zzz OMG so many restriction !!!!
well first day started wif us tagging stocks .... well its somewhat relavent...
coz we'r tagging routers and all that...
and i found out SP is starting a networking course like ours.. and WOW!!! the amount they buy is insane zzzz alot more then my sch... hmmm muz go back sch complaint liao LOL
zzz well it aint easy job tagging...
zzz alot of hard work carry and all that...
but we got thru that...
lunch time.. zzz omg the place is so ulu that they got sshutter bus for lunch everyday that bring u go different place eat LOL
ate at clementi...
back to office.. more tagging and last hour my senior tell us to take a break... dun ping ming... LOL coz they only pay u 500 LOL
well then later went off... knock off le...
went down raffles meet some frens and head to eski...
and hey to u noe who u are... all my drinking buddies hahaz.. next week or the week after eski got some dance event... =) it'll be cool...!!! 1 for 1 all nite =)
i'll pass ya the details when i get hold of it...
i had 1 glass...
catch up abit wif them.. then chiong down city hall meet my classmates...
had dinner... well this group was really nice.. well compare to some 2 face people... this group is purely frens =) no second tots...
then later after dinner they head off marina square...
i went up swiss hotel.. 66th floor =P
meet my parent..
they celebrating their 20th anniversary lol they book a dunno wad room.. but the hotel found out its anniversary.. they gave free upgrade to VIP suite.. OMG its damn nice,... really damn nice...
first got balcony...see the city view.. then the place got like rooms and rooms... toliets everything LOL all seperated LOL its like a house...
and they got those mini jack daniels, sminoff and all that... damn cool...
its juz damn nice... i noe wad to do if i ever get attach and maybe on some occastion....wad to plan le...
well its juz me bah.. though i think i dun stand a chance in these bgr things... but its really no harm dreaming the things ya would do...
well if i ever find my one true love... i'll bring her to the nicest place to dine, to sight see, to walk, to feel, even to rest... i want her to see the best this curel little world can offer...
i dun belief in cannot be done.. everything can be done if u put ur heart to it...
well beside my one true love i'd really wan all my frens to see them too.. to enjoy them...
well dun care wad u think.. i'm the kind who treasures my frens really alot.. i feel their pain, their suffering when they are down.. i feel their joy when they are happy... basically understanding and putting myself in their shoes to noe them.. to be there for them...they dun need someone to juz be there... and disappear like the passing wind...rather they shld haf someone who would be there for them always... i guess different people got different thinking...
back to my story... well its juz amazing...
the room and all...
hmmm come to think of it... their 20th anniversay...
wow then.. they were about my age...
haha kinda envy them.... lol
well one day i;m gonna be like them... bring y other half to europe for honeymoon, stay and be there for her thru thick and thin...
ya noe juz thinking bout it makes me think and feel tht how much i love them... no matter wad happen between us and all... i really happy they are there for me... with me...
well thats about it i guess.. time to get to bed soon
tml chiong again =P
hahaz be4 i go.. some tots..
well... currently thinking of a number of frens... one i was suppose to meet for breakfast... but didn;;t pls i got posted else where.. its been a really long time since i see her.... hope u are well.. bleh...she dun read here de... sad... hahaz nvm next month shall jio her out for dinner...
well the 2nd person that i'm thinking about.. is my dear fren =) hey hey how are u today =)u noe who u are... hahaz well weird but true i everyday wont fail to think bout ya(and NO i;m no obsess or wad..) juz wonder how was ya day and how are ya.... ya noe like care for a person like that.. though i noe i'm juz an ousider sometimes hahaz but still cant stop people from caring rite hahaz...
well some other people include... one of my class mate... well called her wanted ti meet up and all.. and found out she had blisters and bleeding.. awww poor thing... hmmm take care alrite.. catch up soon hopefully after IAP can same class... partners =) lol
also thinking bout an unexpected fren.. well worry bout her... but well i can do nothing but worry... zz hahaz...
well there are also others whom i'm thinking and wondering about... including my bro and well those around me... if u treat u as a true fren u;ll noe who u are... =)
and hey to u guys out there,... dun feel bad if i nv state ur names hahaz.. well ya dun expect me to list out ya all as well rite LOL
well basically the people i care about u noe who u are.. the closer u are to me, the more i feel that ur a true fren... the more i care about... i dun wanna lose them.... welll i only haf a handfull of such frens and u noe who u are...
well not that the rest dun matter... juz well some are closer u noe...
damn man everytime i talk bout this i feel bad.. and everyone de face start poping into my mind zzz all the sad face saying wahhh william u good u dun care bout me zzzz omg i really think too much...
well maybe thats why i cant get to slp... always thinking bout people LOL
personal things, sch things, family things, frens thing... well everything can be sloved and i wan to solve everything... i wan to become who people will be proud of happy to be with... and proud to tell people about... i dun wan to be that failure i always had been...
zzz
hmmm something interesting my sis told me...
she said any sacred book like the bible or the teaching of buddha and all that...
well u hold the book, belief and pray... and open a random page,... chances are u'll find some enlightenment for ur prayers.. well u might say its juz ur mind.. but well its always nice to haf a special being the belief... the feeling that someone watches over u to seek relief and refuge..
yes i may be a free thinker... but i too need to turn to sumtin to clam myself... sadly i usually cant turn to anything or anyone... not that no one care.. juz i feel bad burdening my troubles to others...
anyway... i flip to a page and it says.. purification of self...
the phrase that catch me most..
is "...cause and effect..." well the others not important as of for now...
every thing has a cause and an effect...
belief that..
k lah enuff crapping le i guess everyone also tired of me le....
wif many many loves for those who i care about.. especially some of u.. u noe who u are...
noe that ur alwys in my tot, my prayer(well not really religigously but yea u noe wad i mean)
i may not be a good person, or someone who could give everything and all that...
well the only thing i can offer is a true frenship and my care and concern...
logging william
zzzz
i think i'm abit psycho today bout all this frens and feelings thingy... hopefully in the emss no one will mis understand me bahx... =)
8:08 AM
Saturday, March 01, 2008
4 int he morning 2nd post of the day...
i'm feeling so damn....i dunno
too mix a feeling i dun even noe wad i feeling...
i feel anger, i feel miserable... i feel... alot of feelings...
why do damn idiots/fuckers exist int his world..
to make the life of the innocent the life of others... miserable...
do u feel joy in doing so?
first u wan to take the most dearest thing from the person...
then u demand her affections...
next u do things against ur words.. which goes to show ur motive..
followed by ur fithy actions...des[picable...
and then u treat it like nothing happen...
and wad...
u think ur gonna get away thru out ur life..
well guess again...
with those no matter how much u change to a better man...
ur will always be wad u are in histiory...
u ruined ur own life.. wif ur actions and the consequences that comes wif it...
wads worst u bring others down wif u?
i despise u... hate u... i dun care wad people say about u being a fren...
but ur actions juz goes to show u are no fren of mine...
i give u my word ur life wont be good...
u will suffer...the consequences of ur action...
repent now... and STOP making peoples life miserable...
be4 i really go insane as to by pass the person objection....
though i noe its wrong to do...
i haf no rite to make the choice for them...
no rite to make matter worst...
wad i can do.. is be there for the person...
help her overcome... help her prevent...
i pray u wake up from ur psychopathic world into the facts of the real world..
i pray that god haf mercy on ur soul for u haf put urself in the pits of hell... by ur actions...
yes i dun belief in religion...all my actions is base on right and wrong..
but still all i noe is ur wrong...wads the use...all i can do is juz vant all my anger here
is that wrong? well i feel for the people i care about...
i wish i could be there for them always...
i wish i could be the one who suffer not them...
is that wrong?
i treasure these people...
when they come to harm...
i feel their hurt...
yes u may say i noe nothing of it...
but all i say is i wish i could do sumtin... to prevent to ease... to replace...
well i hope even if after ya read this ya will still let me noe wad ya been thru if anything happen...
and no u are not a burden...
we as ur frens are the shield around u..
well do to others wad u wan others to do to u....
well not that i expect.. but i noe i feel that ya will feel the same for ur fren if the same thing happen to them...
to my dear fren...
i really pray/hope/wish... u are well...
though ya may say u are.. but i noe dep inside u feel otherwise...
u are strong i shall not deny...
that is ur strength and ur weakness...
words cant describe wad ya been thru...
but noe that we'll always be here for u alrite...
i give u my word i wont allow this to ever happen again...
and if u ever allow me to i'll put myself in the line of fire to settle this for u once and for all...
take care alrite...
seriously.... take care..
ya migth think that i think too much...
or wad.. but well i;m not exectly good with words... but thats more or less wad i feel....
wish for ur happiness, may u stya happy always, and always protected from all this harm ever...
take care alrite...
i dunno wad to say... but ya noe how i think and feel alrite... i;m sure u do...
ur fren always
william
12:10 PM
lalalalalala
well another days pass...
nothing much happen so far...
well friday went sing ktv wif my sis and my uncle and aunt..
then err.. also nothing much actuclly
today... slack slack slack...
till evening went for dinner wif some frens..
then thats about it i guess...
looking forward to attachment...
hopefully all goes well...
very sian lately...
people are mostly busy and all...
some are leaving for long long time...will miss ya...
and march.. i;m so broke... april come quick...
and got to psycho myself to learn driving liao... else the PDL like waste sia
hmmm kinda haf a brief memory of wad happen last nite...
well i did haf a little drink... okie maybe a little more then wad i shld haf had...
i seriously hope i didn;t spill some things out...
btu keep having this feeling that i did...
well i pray not... and no point asking the person...
its juz make it more obvious...
well moods been improving... a little...
but stilll
hmmm kept thinking bout some things
well yes ya might say it doesn;t concern me and i got no rite to make things worst..
but still i juz cant stand the feeling of being able to do nothing...
well shes got the rite to noe..
everyone shld noe...shld haf the rite to see the true face of some people...
well i guess its mostly juz tots for me bahx
do hope things improve and karma befall on the asshole...
hmmm well miss some of my frens though.. they all busy working working...
well dun overwork ya =)
catch up soon...
some thigns to look forward to...
IAP, my fren de project, FTT, hmmm start learning driving..
save.. buying johnny walker...wad else?
thats about it ?
well was doing some blog reading...
found wake de blog.. FINALLY...
read some of my frens blog and all that...
hmmm damn suddenly forget wad i wanted to say....
well i shall shut up here...
logging william
7:34 AM