-i'm.SO.miss-understood. -shikayeproductions.

Sigh....
navigations are the words.
This is my own space to let it out. especially when theres no one to talk to that true understands or try to understand me.

Thursday, April 03, 2008

back to blog again....
still not in the best of health and mood....
Honestly.... stll coughing like mad... saw throat is improving, feeling feverish again...
here comes headache also....
mood wise... well... maybe i'm juz worrying too much....
but how can u not when u see the facts and the things coming at u?
however... worrying bout them might not be a good thing...
it blinds u from making the right choice and making mistakes...
dumb mistakes...

honestly feeling very dumb.. in certain things i did...
kinda regret also.... but no choice...
wads done is down.. blame it on i butt itchy...
but then... even though its dumb.. but the reason i had for doing them...
is for a good cause...
but honestly how good is it?
u do things becoz of others... because filial piety...
however, the things u do even though its for a good cause... might not be the best options to take...
gonna try to salvage wad i can...
wadever i waste is wasted... cant do much about it...

how much would u trust a close fren's close fren?
technically considered ur fren also...
his confidence in the things...
his assurance...
it juz makes u wanna risk it abit juz becoz of him...
but is it wad u wanna do?
the right thing to do?
honestly i dunno,...
its kinda like ur trying to weigh, ur trust in the person to how u feel about the things...
well but somethings i heard along the way.. indeed... i did learn sumtin useful...
sometimes a little risk is needed... everything has risk... but its juz i feel its not the rite thing for me....
i guess i'll put it on hold for now... wadever i put in i shall leave in...
if it truely works, well i might consider then...

honestly people... how many of u is seriously considering ur future?
i noe some people are.... i noe the person beside is isn't -_-"
well i'm in office u shld noe who...
wher would u end up... which path will u take...
will u succeed will u fail....
i've seen so much happen infront of me...
really i dun wan that to happen to me...
i wan to do sumtin...about it, about my life, my future... everything...
i wan control... but i feel limited... i feel the lack of control...
i think i'm a person who wans to command things command my life...
steer it... but then how capable am i?
honestly i think i'm the worst of the worst around... when it comes to capablility...

well a few possible plans i got now...
first off....
lets see wads the fixed path that i need to finish...
finish schooling... finish 2 years NS and additional 4 years of contract...

for me i wan wan to go uni....
haf a stable career, a slightly higher than comfortable life...

a few options in mind...
finish navy, save an amount, find a partner i can work wif.. start a business tgt...
or more ideal... try to get a degree.. by any means...(even if it means extend my contract..) den use the money i earn do investment...

or i got this feeling i want to finish wad i d/ need to do...
get a degree(by any means), at the same time freelance a job...u noe extra income(i intend to start now as i;m on attachment...
honestly this 3 months is suppose to be a really happy 3 months for me.. to spend and all..
but i haf no idea why... april i'll be so dried...
may... i'd probably be normal i guess....asame goes to june...blame it on me spending i guess... butt itching....nvm dun wanna talk about that... WHY THE FUK DID I EVEN AGREE TO IT ANYWAY.....common sense would haf tell me i dun haf the time to commit...
zzz a little maths for now... 3k -2k left 1 k dunno why left 700...
700-400 left 300 +1k +1.2k = 2.5k +500 = 3k - 1.2k = 1.8k +1k = 2.8k -400 = 2.4k / 3 = bout 800/mth...
a little error... 2.4k + another 500 = 2.9k / 3 = 900+....shld be sufficient...
hmmmm
2.4k + plus lets see some invisible money i cant get back... 2.4k + 2k + 5k + 400 = 9.8k(if i could get back all that is....)
lets see the potential money i used to owned... 150k + 18k + current.... bout close to 160k+ HAHAHA....
haiz... u can die in sg but dun fall sick....
if i indeed get that kind of illness i'd rather my kids let me die.. then let me see them suffer becoz of me... thats wad i'll do...

honestly i feel like shit... so as of today... any income and expense i will not only take note.. but make sure its worth it...
limit everything....

and anyone got any interest of well i dunno try to start a simple business?
honestly i wan to and no i'm not thinking of making sumtin like microsoft....
zzz juz u noe ideas that might work.... u noe use wad we learn to come up wif sumtin....
maybe put tgt ideas and things to set sumtin up....
i mean people come up wif their own blogshop and stuff... maybe theres sumtin we could do that is untap....might or might not work.,.. but worth trying.....
it might become sumtin big? no?

plans for now.... start saving... (been trying but i haf none.. not becoz i wan to spend becoz theres a need to give it away...to help the fam...)

ok i think i'll write till here....
nothing much to write le...
no point writing how i feel...
no one gonna care bout it.. i mean its me lol i shld handle it myself and not let people handle me....
things aint always go as expected...
i guess thats life.. learn to move wif it then....

logging william
i'm the dumbest person....(least i think so...) alive...
i dunno... i'm fugged up......

1:09 AM