-i'm.SO.miss-understood. -shikayeproductions.

Sigh....
navigations are the words.
This is my own space to let it out. especially when theres no one to talk to that true understands or try to understand me.

Friday, May 08, 2009

080509 long weekend again

back home again, evening plan all canceled... kinda suxs...
lately been suffering from very bad saw throat and cough.
mood kinda going down by the day also. although mentally pressing very hard to garang.
every passing day, i seem to be getting more and more alone.
seems to me like slowly i'm like left out of everyone.
cant really blame anyone or anything, everyone got their on commitment.
i cant expect them to stand by me thru my life rite.
but looking at where i stand now i really wonder, wad i done so far in my life,
wad and where i stand among my peers. am i really wad they tell me or am i something else.?
ya noe my phonebook is getting lesser and lesser, and worst, the majority of them no long contact me anyway. lol kinda sad eh?
then even in camp, i'm good with everyone but how close am i to them. even my buddy.
yes, i haf my click, but its like we'r juz enjoying each others empty company.
i wonder, is there something wrong with my attitude? sometimes i juz feel so alone, i prefer to be left alone, watching things go by around me. seeing everyone making their calls everynite, where i juz stare into my phone wonder who can i call.
whats the point of becoming fit,strong, street smart, wise when everything is juz myself only rite? hahaz all this seems to be negative self talk/tots. in a lesson i had lately regarding stress its a symtom, now i ask, am i stress? i dun think so.. well all this been inside me for a long time, juz so far able to get away from them.
it always come back to find me. sometimes i juz think of my future.

zzz enuff with all this negative tots.

a little bit on the things i been thru.
first aid, lots of test paper. and not to forget, a talk by commander regarding the navy day incident, not exectly a big thing but the things he brought up made me thinking alot. its about personal responsibility, personal best, pride. i do agree with wad he mention, if u step in to the parade u dun fall out. if u are not well dun participate. if u wan in, u see it thru. its like in war or in mission, once ur in u finish it by hook or by crook. but then i believe we shld not comprimise safety too. so far all my training i haf been pushing although most of the time get fucked for things i did not do. i only fall out once, and it sucks, everyone look at me like i'm useless or chao geng. its sucks..

well i'm not exectly in a good mood... but not saying its bad...
juz i suddenly feeling shutting myself to myself only..
i'll end here..
back to rotting alone listening to music...

william
aircon spoil..... sucks

8:11 AM