-i'm.SO.miss-understood. -shikayeproductions.

Sigh....
navigations are the words.
This is my own space to let it out. especially when theres no one to talk to that true understands or try to understand me.

Saturday, May 01, 2010

Woke up today feeling like i had a car crash into my head...

sigh...i messed up again. lost control myself while partying letting my inner demons get the better of me. Doing things that troubles the people around me. WILLIAM YOU GOT TO HOLD URSELF TGT!...

Ytd i left work very early, after lunch we all head back. Was very bored at home as usual, did some workout. by the evening, i went out to meet my navy chaps and had a gathering with my army couterparts. All was well, there was me, jill, gerry, jc, tecky and his gf, yak and eugene.

Had dinner at bugis area, followed by drinking session at Amber21. All was well till i messed up. which i cant even remember when. i think i did alot of foolish, childish irritating and annoying things. my memories of them is very blurred. only remmeber bits and pieces. Well i think i really have to watch myself. since the moment i decide to change, i try not to let out everything to the people around me less they get annoyed and start to outcast or dislike me.. which i think they already feel like doing. well cant say i'm sad but neither am i truely happy. guess its about living and feeling. physical and emotional?

i did remember one point though. was a very familiar feeling, both comforting and warming. its like a very calm feeling. at the point where i was very agitated, i felt someone holding me down not in a violently way but comforting. its like someone giving u a pat on the back letting u noe they give a shit bout ya and they dun wan me to do sumtin foolish to hurt myself. i did remember holding the person hand not wanting to let go, its like u found something comforting and u noe if its gone ya probably wont get it again. it reminded me of a certain someone, who used to give me that feeling. used to, till she turned my world upside down. i woke up today thinking that was a dream, but i'm very sure it was real. well i know maybe i shldn't have, but still i wanna say thank you to the person. even for a short time, it felt good to noe someone cared.

well i wanna apologise to my frens, all of them... i messed up again.. i kept messing up.. i am trying not to. pls dun condemn me. i wont let it happen again.

well as of now, i will make a stand to change myself. keep trying..
i will set my priorities straight, no matter wad happen, to exercise self control over my emotions. i will not act up upon my feelings, or burden my frens around me with my whining, unhappiness or mood swings. all this comes from me and i will keep them in me and not let it affect the things around me.

i wan a fresh start but i really dun noe how. someone pls guide me. tell me wad shld i do.

next week i've got 2 exams coming up. i guess my first step is to start preparing for it? do wads important and keep myself occupied.

sometimes i see things and people others have, i wan one too. i wish i have one too. hahaz but i guess a person like me dun derserve to have them, if there was a god, i'd probably be out of his grace, abandoned and left out. for the things i said and done. guess i'm not wad they say i am.. for now i just wish my frens wont abandon me for all the things i messed up..

william

8:24 AM